


Reality of Dreams

by sternchencas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Dean, Captivity, Coma, DCBB 2016, F/F, M/M, Mentions of Masturbation, Murder, Panic Attack, Psychological Torture, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Top Castiel, Violence, all of this sounds far worse than it is, loss of reality, temporary mcd (not exactly but similar)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 00:37:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 87,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8644549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sternchencas/pseuds/sternchencas
Summary: Dean Winchester has been living a boring life. At least until his brother is missing, the police think he has something to do with it, and a group of people who call themselves 'Liberi Somniorum' and live in an underground bunker ask him to join them so they can teach him how to use his dreaming abilities. As if that isn't bad enough, the police also took his car and then there's this guy in a trenchcoat who's guarding him, and some dark secret. Dean does his best to convince himself it's a dream. But somehow, sometimes, dreams can be very real, and this time, he just can't wake up.





	1. Caught In The Act

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my sister](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+sister).



> Important: I tried to add all triggers/squicks in the tags but if you're unsure if the story is for you, feel free to ask me about it on [tumblr](http://sternchencas.tumblr.com).
> 
> * Thank you, [Princess](http://goodtidingsdean.tumblr.com/), for offering to take a look at this monster. I'm sorry I didn't give you more time to do this properly.
> 
> * And a heartfelt thank you to [Sonia](http://whatdoesntfit.tumblr.com/) for creating the most beautiful art. You gave this story a whole new dimension. When I saw that you're my artist, I felt like hitting the jackpot and when I got to see the first picture I knew that I was right. From there on out you made one beautiful thing after the other for me, and I can't say how thankful I am. You are a lovely person and so freaking talented, I believe you're going places with your art. I wish you all the best in the future, and I'm honored that I was allowed to create something with you. 
> 
> * Also, thank you, my lovely sister, for always believing in me, for being my biggest fan no matter what and for fighting my depression with me, so I got to finish this story. It might not be the best, and it surely isn't perfect, but it is mine, and it is done. I tamed the beast.

 

 

_Pause now to answer the following question: “Am I dreaming or awake, right now?”_  
_Be serious, really try to answer the question to the best of your ability and be ready to justify your answer._  
_\- Stephen LaBerge_

* * *

 

When Dean opens his eyes, everything around him is wrong. He went to bed like every other day, so there should be his bed, his alarm clock, the lamp on his bedside table, and above all his freaking bedside table. Instead, he's outside, breathing fresh air. Probably for the last time for a long while because cops surround him, and they are dead set on arresting him.

Dean tries to pull away from the cop behind him but stops when another one points her gun at him. "Freeze!"

In movie-like fashion, Dean raises his arms and smiles when his brain finally catches on. This isn't real. It's just one of those very vivid dreams he often has. The thought finally helps him to remember.

He dreamt about a car chase. For some reason, he jumped into his Impala and pursued a delivery truck at full speed. On the highway he got into trouble, barely avoiding the other cars while staying close to the truck. He can even remember his racing heart and the drumming of his blood in his ears.

With the gun of her partner still trained on Dean, the officer behind him steps closer to put the cuffs on him. As soon as they click shut, she starts to mumble about Dean's rights, but he doesn't listen.

While being led to the police car, he looks around to find his ride and sighs when he finds her. His Baby is on the side of the road, luckily in perfect shape and glistening in the setting sun. Very much unlike the other car in front of her.

Dean recognizes the truck, but it evidently collided with a tree next to the road. The front is visibly damaged, and the back doors are wide open. Still, Dean can't remember how the accident happened or why he even followed the truck. Maybe he'll know when he wakes up. He closes his eyes to do just that, but nothing happens. Normally he's pretty good with interfering with his dreams, so he tries again by straining his cuffs. The metal cuts into his skin and the sensation should do the trick, but the world around him doesn't change.

Instead, a hand is pressed on Dean's head. "Get in!"

The officer shoves him into the back of the police car and slams the door shut. Dean closes his eyes again and whispers to himself. "Wake up, Dean. Come on, wake up. I bet you're late for work already."

Together with his brother Sam, Dean works at a construction site, and if he's late again, their boss will put him to work on the highest point of the damn building, knowing full well that Dean isn't exactly fond of heights. The anxious feeling he gets when he just thinks about the cranes and tall buildings should be enough to wake him, but still, nothing happens. What a weird dream.

Finally accepting that he can't get out, Dean takes a glimpse through the dirty window. There are still a lot of cops bustling about, and some guys who look like crime scene investigators, huddle together behind the truck. It's by far the most surreal but also most detailed dream Dean has ever had.

If he wasn't in handcuffs and trapped in a car, he might have enjoyed it. Instead, he cranks his neck to get a better look outside, and his heart stops when two people step away from the group of investigators and walk over to the Impala. Dean presses his head against the window but can't see their movements anymore. He only detects the two cops who put him in the car, so he starts shouting at them. "Hey! What are they doing with my car? Hey, you! I have a right to know what they're doing to my Baby!"

One of the cops makes a dismissive gesture in his direction and keeps talking to her colleague. Dean knows he should let it go, after all, it's just a dream, but even while sleeping he doesn't like it when other people touch his car. "Hey lady, I'm talking to you!"

Finally, the cops move, but instead of talking to Dean, they disappear out of sight and leave him behind. Nobody else is around, and there's nothing he can do besides being severely pissed. One thing Dean hates above all is being helpless. Even his dreams are changeable whenever he wants to. Just not this one. A nagging feeling slowly arises in his gut, and he swallows hard when he realizes what it means. What if this isn't a dream? He shakes his head when a weak laughter breaks out of him. He clearly remembers how he went to bed. How in hell would he suddenly end up in a car chase? That's bullshit. It has to be a dream, born out of the movie he watched with Sam. Thinking about his brother feels like someone punched him in the stomach and he hunches over when nausea takes hold of him. Sam. Something must be wrong with Sam.

"Don't even try to pull the sick card. We've been doing this job for quite some time now, and we know all the tricks."

Dean lifts his head to find out who's talking to him and looks right at the cop who pulled the gun on him. "Listen, I'm not trying to fake sick here. I need to talk to my brother."

She doesn't answer but instead takes her place behind the steering wheel, and a voice is coming from the seat in front of him. "As long as your brother isn't at the Midtown Police Department, I don't think we can help you."

At least now he knows where he's going. Unlike his Baby. "What are they doing to my car?"

The two woman share a look and the Blonde, who handcuffed him, turns around. "Your car?"

"Yes, the Impala."

They exchange another glance before Handcuffs turns around again. "If you're driving the Impala, then what were you doing in the truck?"

Dean tries to raise his shoulders which isn't exactly easy while being handcuffed and squeezed into the backseat. "I don't know anything about the truck."

The driver laughs. "That's your defense? A little thin, don't you think?"

"What?" Utter and complete confusion is the only thing Dean can offer and the other cop eyes him suspiciously. "So we won't find your fingerprints all over the truck?"

He can't even remember but still shakes his head. "No, why would you?"

There's another laugh from the driver. "Listen to him, Hanscum. He's going through with it."

For a moment, there is silence in the car, and Dean wants to wake up right now, but then Officer Hanscum speaks again. "You're not doing yourself any favors, you know? Just try to be honest."

Dean sighs and looks straight into her eyes, trying his best to convince her of his innocence. "Listen, lady; I don't know anything about the truck. I know that the Impala is my car, and that's it. I don't even know why I'm here. I should be in bed. I'm not even awake, okay? In fact, I'm dreaming."

Officer Hanscum furrows her brows and watches him thoughtfully like she's going over the idea in her head, but her partner is not convinced. "Seriously? Memory loss? What's next? Pleading for temporary insanity?"

Dean can't hold in a shocked squeal. "Pleading? Defense? What are you talking about? Are you charging me? With what?"

She makes a stop at a red light and turns around to him. "There's a car rack at the side of the road, and instead of the goods, a delivery truck could contain, we find hair and blood inside. A driver is nowhere to be seen, but we find you, jumping out of the truck. You seriously think we let you hop into your car and not even ask some questions?"

Dean is too baffled even to answer, so Officer Hanscum chips in. "You have to admit; it sounds pretty fishy."

She nods at him with a half-smile, like a teacher who caught him cheating and gives him a last chance to come clean. Of course, he doesn't. "Yeah sure. I did something fishy, and then I had nothing better to do than park my car next to the suspicious vehicle and run around in broad daylight until the cops arrive? Come on!"

The Blonde turns around with a displeased look on her face, and the driver shrugs her shoulders. We'll get to the truth, one way or another. Don't worry."

"Oh no problem, sister. I'm not worried at all!" It's not his best comeback, but he doesn't care anymore. He's surely going to wake up any second now, and then he's going to laugh about that silly dream when he tells Sammy all about it over breakfast, only worrying about the taste of his freshly baked pancakes.

He's worried, alright. But not about freaking pancakes. It must have been a few hours since they arrived at the police station, and Dean is still dreaming. He just can't wake up. And the worst part is that he dreams everything. There are no glitches. He's not suddenly in another place. The people stay the same. He can see their faces down to every little hair and mole. He hears, smells, tastes, and feels. The cell they put him in for questioning is a little colder than the bullpen outside. He can hear the officers talk, at least one telephone is always ringing, and at some point, someone is screaming about where the cops can stick it.

After a few rounds of questioning, the blonde cop brought him a paper cup with ill-tasting water, and now his arms are warming the metal desk he's sitting at while he tinkers the top layer off of the cup. He's been doing this for two minutes before he stopped counting the time. Before that, the other cop (Dean calls her Gunslinger by now) asked him for the thousandth time about the truck, why he was there, about everything that happened before the crash, and so on. At some point Dean stopped looking at her, repeating his only statement like a parrot. 'I'm dreaming. I just need to wake up.'

When nobody comes back, he starts working at the second layer of paper. Maybe he'll wake up when the stupid cup is entirely gone. Meanwhile, he's sure they are watching him through the mirror opposite of him. The glaring light reflects on the metal table in an angle that hurts his eyes, but he doesn't want to look up. If someone intends to talk to him, they better move their ass inside the damn cell. That's probably their tactic for now. Letting him rot in the sterile surroundings. Dean doesn't care. There's still a trace of Officer Hanscum's perfume in the air, and he can listen to music whenever he wants in his head. They'll need more to crack him. Especially in a dream. It's not like he's going to spend a lifetime in prison. Right?

The thought leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, and Dean takes a little sip from the cup before he dismembers it again. Maybe it's time to get real. He laughs at the thought, and the people behind the mirror probably think he's insane, but he can't help it. It's so him to be stuck in a weird world, not knowing if it's reality or just a dream. If something horrible happens, there's always the highest of chances that Dean freaking Winchester is involved. He's a magnet for bad things to come, and most of the time it hits the people he cares about even more than himself.

He might have gone deep into self-loathing if it wasn't for the person who enters the cell now. Apparently, the lady squad called for backup. On the other hand, the guy wears a suit. Maybe they finally got him a lawyer. Before he can get his hopes up, the guy throws a thick folder on top of the table, almost smashing the bungled cup in the process. "Mr. Winchester, I'm Special Agent Henriksen, FBI. It's time we have a talk."

He sits down in front of him and meets Dean with a weird expression. His mouth is smiling, but his eyes lust for blood. He's surely absolutely unbiased. Dean leans back in his chair and greets the agent accordingly. "I'm dreaming. I just need to wake up."

Henriksen opens the folder and moves a few papers to the side. "Yes, you already stated this numerous times while talking to Officers Mills and Hanscum. How about we make that happen?"

His false smile gets even wider, and Dean lifts his arms like he's inviting the agent to hit him. "Sure. Give me your best shot."

The repulsion in Henriksen's eyes grows, but he still doesn't let go of the smile. "I think you could use a change of scenery, so why don't we get you out of here. All you have to do is to answer some questions."

Dean is about to repeat himself, but maybe he's dragging this along with his reluctant behavior. And Henriksen is offering to get him out. This could be the change he needs to end the dream. "Sure. Ask away."

The agent shuffles the papers and places a picture of the Impala in front of Dean. "That's your car?"

"Yes."

"And you've been driving it today?"

"Yes."

"Where were you going?" It's not exactly a question, but it sounds a lot like Henriksen already implies a specific answer, so Dean hesitates to reply for a moment. The agent tilts his head. "It's just a dream, right? You have nothing to lose."

He is, in fact, right, and Dean decides to come clean. "Fine. I know something important was in that truck. That's why I followed it. I think it started at my place, and then we were on the highway. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by the cops, and I'm getting cute bracelets."

Henriksen looks for another picture to put in front of Dean. It's the abandoned truck. "What do you know about this vehicle?"

"I already told you, nothing."

"We have a witness stating that you jumped out of the back of the truck, went into the woods next to the road, came out of trees, and climbed into the truck again. What can you tell me about that?"

Dean smashes his hands on the table, making the water in his cup tremble, and does his best not to shout at the agent. Instead, he presses every word out between his lips. "I can't remember what I did aside from what I told you already. Maybe I was in the truck, okay? I don't know when, why and how. It never actually happened." With one hand he gestures around the room and at last points at Henriksen. "Just like this isn't happening. It's not real."

Without a reaction, Henriksen picks up the pictures to put them back into his folder, and his voice is just as calm as in the beginning. "You said, you followed the truck because there was something important in it. Do you remember what it was?"

"No." Dean sighs the word more than actually saying it, and for some reason, that nagging feeling comes back to him. Whatever it was, it's important to him, and he should remember it.

Henriksen crosses his fingers and easily rests his hands on the table. "Tell me about Samuel Winchester."

Dean laughs. "What would you want with my grandfather?" There's no reaction whatsoever from the agent, and the tremble in Dean's gut reaches a new high. "Are you talking about my brother? Is there something wrong with Sammy?"

"That's what I want to hear from you."

Dean leans over the table, staring at Henriksen like he can read his mind while the agent just sits there like a freaking stone. "He was totally fine when I saw him yesterday. We went to bed; everything was good. What do you know about my brother? You have to tell me. I have rights, god dammit!"

He's not sure what brought on the change, but for the first time, Henriksen is faced with something he said. "You saw your brother yesterday? When exactly?"

While driving his hands through his hair, Dean tries to picture the evening. "I'm not sure. Around 11 pm. We watched the latest "those-old-guys-can-still-do-action"-movie, the news said that this poor panda died in some zoo, my brother went to his room, I brushed my teeth, went to bed, haven't seen him since."

Whatever he said now, it seems to be big news for Henriksen. His features are relaxed. Even without the ongoing smile, he looks way more friendly now. "The Panda, who died, what was his name?"

"Seriously?"

Dean knows he shouldn't get cocky with the agent, but Henriksen just nods. "Humor me."

"Something like Pads, Pebbles ..."

"Bubbles?"

"Yeah, sure. Bubbles the Panda. And before you ask, I don't know who's brilliant idea that was."

Unsurprisingly Henriksen doesn't pick up on the joke but scrutinizes Dean with an unreadable expression. "Mr. Winchester, the news about the deceased panda were broadcasted two days ago, not yesterday. When is the last time you saw your brother?"

This starts to feel more like real life every second because whenever shitty things happen to Dean, there's always something worse waiting around the corner. "I saw my brother yesterday. The same day that stupid panda died. I mean, are you kidding me? How could I lose a whole day?"

Of course, the agent doesn't offer an answer but another question. "Would you agree to be examined by a medical professional?"

Dean wants to say no, but something in him screams to say yes. Anything that might get him out of here and Henriksen seems fond of the idea. It's better to make friends than enemies. Besides, maybe that person could give him insight into his memory loss, even if it's just a dream. "Sure, whatever helps."

Henriksen nods and without another word he grabs the folder and leaves the room. At least, this time, they don't let him wait for hours. Just a minute later the door opens again and the so called "medical professional" enters. "Hello, Mr. Winchester. I'm Dr. Carver Edlund."

He shakes Dean's hand who can't help but stare at him. The guy doesn't look like a doctor. He wears regular jeans and a button down shirt under a plaid sweater vest. Together with his glasses and a full beard, he's the perfect picture of a washed up history teacher. Or something worse. "You aren't a shrink, are you?"

Edlund sits down, clipboard and pen at the ready, and nervously laughs before he answers. "Well, I am a trained therapist, that's true. But I'm also a neurologist."

He doesn't radiate confidence, but maybe Dean is just judging him too harshly after meeting Victor Stonecold Henriksen. "I guess you know what's going on here?"

The doctor corrects his glasses and nods. "Yes, Agent Henriksen filled me in." Dean doesn't miss how he moves his head slightly to the side and back like he's referring to the mirror behind him. Of course. Henriksen couldn't have told him everything in the span of one minute. The doctor must have listened the whole time. He nestles with his glasses again and continues. "You suffer from memory loss?"

"Yes, I mean, according to Henriksen I'm missing a whole day. How can that happen?"

"That's what we want to find out. I'm going to ask you a few questions, and it would be very helpful if you answer them as detailed and honest as possible. Is that okay with you?"

"Fire away."

Edlund studies his clipboard for a moment, probably to determine the best way to approach Dean, and clears his throat before he finally continues. "You said you watched a movie with your brother and went to bed. That's the last thing you remember?"

"Yes."

"I want you to go back to that evening in your mind. You were lying in bed, and then what? Did you fall asleep immediately? Did you think about something?"

Dean tries to remember, but everything seems foggy. The car chase is the clearest thing on his mind. "I guess I thought about the movie, and then started dreaming, because one moment I saw cars, guns, and cops in the movie, and in the next moment I got arrested."

The doctor makes a note on his clipboard, and finally looks up and meets Dean's eyes. "You are in custody now, Mr. Winchester. Even if you started dreaming about the movie, this here right now is very real. Can you remember the moment you woke up?"

"I didn't."

Maybe it's only the light, but Dean could have sworn that Edlund smiled for a moment, before he goes on to the next question. "Do you often have vivid dreams?"

Dean wants to lie because the doctor's questions feel different than the ones from Henriksen. Like he knows something. But then again, that might be a good thing. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"For how long?"

"Since I've been a kid. Freaked out my parents sometimes, because of my unrealistic imagination."

Edlund nods, his nervous behavior suddenly gone. "Do you have difficulties in distinguishing dream from reality?"

"No, I know when I'm dreaming, and I decide if I do so or not."

"You have influence over your dreams?"

"Yes. If I want to, I can snap out of it."

This time, the doctor is smiling. "If you're sure that THIS is a dream, why are you still here?"

That's the big question, right? Dean isn't sure if he wants to wipe the smile of the guy's face with his fist, but for some reason, he still feels like Edlund is his only chance to get out of this. "Something is different. I don't have control over this. I'm trapped."

The doctor takes down some more notes while he's talking. "Well, I guess that's why I'm here. To find a way to set you free, right? I think the best thing you can do, is to cooperate, and I can promise you that everything will turn out just fine."

He gets up from his chair, and Dean can't help but do the same. "Wait! That's it? So where's your diagnoses? Why can't I remember?"

"You will, Mr. Winchester. In time. Just follow the instructions, and you'll be okay."

"What instructions? Everybody is just asking dumb questions, and nobody tells me anything. I want answers!"

Edlund doesn't give him any. He just rushes out of the room, totally nervous again, and so caught up in his clipboard that one sheet of paper gets free and glides to the floor. Out of habit, Dean picks it up and wants to hold the doctor back when he sees writing on the folded paper. 'Pocket me quickly.'

Without thinking, Dean folds the paper again and shoves it into the back pocket of his jeans. Just a second later, the door opens, and it feels like the room goes cold again with the presence of Agent Henriksen. "Sit down, Mr. Winchester."

Dean does him the favor, but he doesn't feel like cooperating anymore. "So that was your medical expert?

Of course, the agent doesn't react. Instead, he stands there, watching Dean like he can pull information out of him just by looking at him. "I think we established that you're not dreaming, Mr. Winchester. Are you sure you don't know where your brother is?"

"If you be so kind as to give me a phone, I'd be able to find out. He's probably at work, wondering why I didn't show up there as well."

Henriksen slightly shakes his head. "Believe it or not, but we know how to do our job. Your brother is neither at home nor his workplace. We talked to a Miss Eileen Leahy, who was supposed to meet him yesterday. He didn't show up and hadn't spoken to her. Your brother just disappeared from the face of the earth, and probably you wished it was without a trace."

Dean thought he was desperate to wake up before, but it's nothing compared to now. It can't be true. He doesn't know Eileen personally, but Sam hasn't been able to shut up about her over the last few weeks. He never would've missed a date with her. And Sam isn't the type to just vanish. He would've told Dean where he went. "My brother wouldn't just go away, and he's not a freaking spy who's untraceable. He's gotta be somewhere."

There's a hint of a smile forming around Henriksen's mouth. "Funny enough, that's what his co-workers and everybody else we talked to told us about him. It seems your brother is well liked by everybody he came into contact with. He's smart, thinking about going back to school, building his future, maybe with a girlfriend. You on the other hand -?"

He doesn't finish, but it's not hard to figure out where he's going with this. Dean can feel anger rising in his chest. "What are you implying?"

"You're almost 30, Mr. Winchester, and still living with your brother. There's got to be a reason for that. You dropped out of school, you're stuck with a lousy job, I don't see a girlfriend or friends around here, begging me to let you go. In fact, the people we talked to don't think you're doing so great. You've been seen in bars more often than not, probably drinking one too many. I wouldn't exactly jump to get your life. Maybe you didn't like the idea of your brother leaving you. Perhaps you tried to make him stay."

Dean laughed. Yes, he wasn't exactly thrilled with how his life turned out, but shit just happens. After the death of their parents, he had to turn everything upside down to care for Sammy. And he did a fucking good job. Sure, he had to cut back on a lot of things, but he's never regretted it. Sammy turned out perfect, and Dean is fucking proud of him. He'd never do anything to hold his brother back. "You should take money, you know. Your story freaking hilarious."

Henriksen furrows his brows. "You think it's funny that your brother is missing?"

Of course, Dean shakes his head. "I don't believe for a second that he's missing. You're spinning stories here because you think there's something I should confess. Give me my phone call, and I'll tell you where he is in a minute."

It's no use. Henriksen would rather shoot him in the head right now than do anything for him. He opens a folder and starts to smash photos on top of the table in front of Dean. "This is the truck witnesses saw you in shortly before we arrived. See this? It's blood. And that's not everything. We found hair. Recognize this?"

He points to one photo in particular and Dean chokes. It's just a piece of fabric, but to him, it's much more. It looks like a torn-off piece of a shirt. A purple shirt, with a dog at the front. A part of the animal is visible at one edge. Dean saw this shirt a thousand times in his life. He bought it for Sam as a joke, but the idiot wore it all the time. The last time was two days ago when he went to bed. "What happened to him? Where is my brother?"

Henriksen looks satisfied, probably because Dean finally acknowledged that something happened to Sam. "That's what we're trying to find out."

Dean moves the photos, searching for something he knows, his eyes clinging to one that shows a blood stain on the floor of the truck. "By talking to me? The one person who doesn't know or remember anything? Are you kidding me? You should be out there, looking for him!"

For once, Henriksen seems to agree. "Sure. Why don't you tell me where to look?"

Dean should have caught on much quicker. Hell, he should have known from the start. The two cops who arrested him already told him that he was a suspect, but he was so sure that this was a dream that he didn't care.

It's not a dream. The thought hits Dean so hard he feels sick to his stomach. He knew there was something important in the truck. Sam. That's why he followed it. And then-? Somebody must have done something to him. That's why he can't remember. But who? And what could they possibly want with Sam? He needs to find out, but Henriksen won't be of any help. Those stupid cops think they already have the right guy. He needs to get out of here, and they won't give up without a fight. It's time to call for backup. "I want a lawyer."

Anger and defeat are fighting a battle to the death on Henriksen's face until he puts on his stoic mask again. "That might take a while. Why don't we-"

Dean cuts him off. "Forget it. I'm not talking to you until I have a lawyer."

The agent collects his photos and leaves the room without another word. Dean, on the other hand, wants to scream. Why couldn't he just accept that it wasn't a dream from the beginning? Everybody told him so. He could've asked for a lawyer hours ago. Who knows what happened in the time he was in here? Sam could be anywhere by now. Given that, he's still alive. Dean jumps up from his chair and starts to pace back and forth in the small room, feeling like a caged animal. He tries to remember what happened, but he truthfully told Henriksen everything he knows. What he needs now is a plan. Hopefully, his lawyer will be useful. It's not like anybody else wants to help him.

Except- Dean thinks back to his conversation with Edlund. The doctor talked about following instructions, but aside from Henriksen's advice to cooperate, nobody's given him any instructions. Except for Edlund himself.

Dean keeps moving along the room, placing his hands over his back pockets like he's just looking for a comfortable position. When he walks towards the mirror again, he carefully reaches for the paper in his pocket, hiding it in the palm of his hand. To be inconspicuous, he walks two more rounds, slowing his pace, until he finally sits down at the table again. For a while he studies the blinding surface again, and sighs before he burrows his face in one hand, and casually slips the other under the table, carefully holding it at the same height as the table. Once a while he looks up again, but then he dips his head, acting like the defeated prisoner while he painstakingly unfolds the paper in his hand. Edlund dropped it for a reason, and Dean needs to know why. At first, he's at a loss. It's just the notes the doctor took while they had their conversation. It takes Dean a few more moments until he sees the pattern. A few of the letters looked darker or thicker like Edlund tried to make them stand out. Dean reads over the notes again, making out a short, and very cryptic message.

Help is coming. Play along. More instructions soon.

Dean reads over it again to make sure he doesn't miss anything and slips the paper into his sleeve while he looks around the room again. This situation is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to him. Why would a medical professional of the police give him an encoded message? Maybe it's a trick. To see if he'll act on it, possibly proving that he's guilty in some way. But would the police go through so much trouble? And if Dean can pride himself on something, it's his ability to judge people. When Dr. Edlund came in from outside, he seemed overly nervous, afraid even, but when they talked it was gone. That demeanor only came back when he left the room again, almost if he put it on purposely. Did he try to trick the police while he's been on Dean's side all along? It sounds too good to be true, but then there's the note. He can't believe that the police, and especially Henriksen, would play games. And there's an easy way to find out. According to the message, someone is going to give him another note. He can still decide what to do then. Either he follows the instructions, maybe getting out of here, or he'll throw the note in Henriksen's face. Both options seem not too bad at this moment.

Unfortunately, Henriksen keeps his promise. They let him rot again which gives him a lot of time to think it over and over again. He's short of screaming at the mirror to just stop that nonsense when the door opens again. It's Henriksen, shoving an older guy with glasses and slicked-back hair inside. He doesn't exactly look like a top rated lawyer, but maybe his age might provide some experience.

His first move is to glare at Henriksen, who advises him to knock when he wants to go, and finally disappears. The lawyer waits for another short while until he finally moves over to Dean and shakes his hand. "Mr. Winchester, I'm Sean Roberts, your public defender. I assume you don't have another attorney I should call for you?"

Dean shakes his head, and Roberts takes a seat opposite of him, placing his briefcase on the table. When he opens it, Dean can't help but notice shiny leather, glistening closures, and perfectly rough edges. The whole thing is new. Too new? He's torn from the thought when Roberts starts to unload stacks of paper in front of him and grabs a notebook and a pen. "I'm familiar with your case and can assure you that I will do anything in my power to help you. Do you stay by the statement you gave the police or is there anything else you want to tell me?"

Before he answers, Dean looks him up and down. Roberts might wear a suit, but Dean has a hard time imagining him in a courtroom. He looks groomed enough, but something's off. He should be very cautious of the guy. "No, there's nothing. I told the truth."

Roberts makes a quick note, before he grabs a few papers from the table and starts talking. It's all kinds of lawyer talk, and Dean knows he should pay more attention, but he keeps thinking about the note until Roberts slides a piece of paper in front of him.

It differs a lot from the rest of the documents and starts with similar wording than the secret message.

Read. Memorize it. Give it back when you're sure you remember everything. Do exactly as it says. You have 5 minutes.

Dean lifts his head to look at Roberts, but the lawyer just keeps talking about forms and regulations while putting more papers in front of Dean, making sure not to cover the secret note. Trying to act natural, Dean nods along while he concentrates on the papers in front of him.

Never hesitate, just do it.

Count to 60 when I close the door.

Open it and go right. Keep to the left wall.

Guard in the room behind the window. Duck. You have 30 seconds to pass.

Move to the end of the corridor and go round the corner. Hide.

Wait for the telephone to ring. Count to 20.

Go straight ahead. Take right stairs.

Look for a white van before you walk outside.

Be safe.

It can't be a set-up. Dean just can't believe that Henriksen would come up with something like this. But that means it's true. And it makes sense. Dr. Edlund didn't look like a doctor, and now that Dean thinks about it, he didn't exactly talk like one either. Roberts might sound like a lawyer, but the same thing goes for Sammy, although his brother hasn't even been to law school yet. Whoever these guys are, they're trying to help him, and if it means he can get out of here, it's his best chance to find Sam.

He studies the list over and over and tries to imagine the route in his head. When he feels like his 5 minutes might be over soon, he slides the paper back to Roberts and repeats the instructions in his head like a mantra.

His fake lawyer keeps talking but starts to shove the paperwork back into his briefcase, making sure to hide the secret note somewhere in between. "Okay, Mr. Winchester. We are done for now. I advise you not to speak to the police unless I'm present, and I'll see what I can do for you. Just hold on, and I'll keep you posted."

"Thank you." Dean grabs Roberts' outstretched hand, and before he can let go, Roberts squeezes it slightly. Dean watches him, and the guy ever so slightly nods his head like he wants to make sure that Dean will go through with the plan. Dean thinks back to the note and nods. "I'll just keep my head down, and do as you said."

Roberts smiles, apparently satisfied. "Good. I'll see you soon."

That's music to Dean's ears, and when the door closes behind Roberts, he takes a quick look at his watch. 60 seconds is a long time just to stand there, so he walks around the room for a bit, trying to calm himself. If Henriksen doesn't come back, he has to try and make a run for it. Another quick look at his watch tells him that he has 10 seconds left. He counts down, moves closer to the door, and thinks about the note. 'Never hesitate'. When he reaches zero in his head, he grabs the door and opens it. It shouldn't be unlocked. He shouldn't be able just to walk out of here. Someone was on his side.

Without hesitation, he walks to the right, ignoring all the voices and sounds around him, and when he reaches a corridor he keeps to the left as instructed. Just a few steps further is the window in the left wall, and Dean automatically crouches down and checks his watch. 40 seconds to go. He looks back to make sure that nobody is behind him, maybe wondering why he almost kisses the floor, and when Dean is sure that the coast is clear, he carefully lifts his head to peek through the window. There is a guard inside, unfortunately looking in his direction, but suddenly he turns around and Dean can make out why. There's another window in the opposite wall, and behind it stands a redheaded woman, trying to get the guards attention.

Dean doesn't wait around but passes the window, walking right up to the corner and looking around it. There's nobody there, so he moves into the corridor and looks around frantically. The note told him to hide, and as everything so far has happened exactly as the note said, hiding should be critical. He spots a few boxes, a ladder, and some tarp. Whoever renovates, they hopefully won't be back for a while. Dean crouches down between the boxes, draping the tarp over himself and trying to keep still. When nothing happens, he starts to feel silly, but he has to follow the note. His decision is rewarded when he hears footsteps. It sounds like two people walking along the corridor. They talk about an arrest someone else made, and when their voices fade, Dean gets the awaited signal. A ringing telephone.

He comes out of his hiding place after he counts to 20 and walks along the corridor. Pretty soon he can make out the stairs in front of him, and quickly takes the right ones, which lead to a read door. Behind it lies freedom. Still, Dean tries to compose himself, and only cracks it open a little bit. Outside it looks like a parking lot, and seconds later a white van backs off towards the door. Dean hesitates. He doesn't know who's waiting for him out there, and a van is never a good vehicle to get in when you don't know the owner. Also, he's going to be a freaking fugitive when he leaves the station.

Before he can make a decision, the passenger door opens, and a young, blond woman jumps outside. She looks around, apparently looking for something. Or someone. Him. Dean wants to move, but he's just not sure what to do. He looks back up the stairs to make sure that nobody followed him while the Blonde walks around the car, talking to the driver. "Where is he? He should be here by now."

Another woman stretches her head out of the car window and looks back to the building. "Just wait. Bobby said he seemed convinced. He'll be here."

There's no doubt in Dean's mind that they're talking about him. Everything else would be too much of a coincidence. But who's Bobby?

The younger woman checks her watch and shakes her head. "I hope he's right. 30 seconds."

30 seconds until what? Dean panics when he realizes what it means. 30 seconds until they leave, with or without him. He has to move now. Slowly he opens the door, and as soon as the woman sees the movement, she walks over to the back of the car and waves at him. "Come on; we don't have much time."

Dean takes another step but stills again when she opens the door, and he sees his lawyer sitting inside. Roberts gestures for him to come closer as well. "Now or never, boy."

Fuck. Dean wasn't equipped to make such decision. It's not only the taste of burgers and French fries that makes him order the same thing every time he's in a restaurant. Dean hates decisions, and he hates change. And he hates to trust other people with his life. The thought must be visible on his face. The woman comes closer and now her voice sounds pleading. "Please, Dean. Believe me, we're the good guys. We can help you find your brother, but we have to go NOW."

The mention of his brother finally makes him move, and he jumps in the back of the truck. The woman closes the doors behind him, and just a few seconds later the van gets in motion. Roberts opens his briefcase again and starts rummaging around it in while Dean turns to him. "Who are you people? Why are you helping me?"

Roberts nods like he's just been waiting for those questions. "I'll explain everything in a second, but first, I need you to take a look at this."

He hands him a piece of paper, and Dean recognizes it as one of the many sheets Roberts spread out in front of him back in the interrogation room. "I don't understand. What-?"

A sharp pain in his neck makes him stop, and he realizes with horror that Roberts is holding a syringe. "Sorry 'bout that, but we need to be careful."

Dean tries to protest, but the world already blurs in front of his eyes, and the last thing he feels are warm hands which hold him in place before everything goes dark.


	2. Where The Hell Is Sam?

_For a dreamer, night’s the only time of day._

_\- Newsies_

* * *

 

 

"Where am I? Who are you people? Why are you keeping me here?!" Sam gets no answer, and although he knows there's no use for it, he pulls at the cuffs that chain him to the bed. Of course, nothing happens aside from pain shooting up his arm.

Frustrated, he sits down on the bed again. It's pretty much the only thing he can do. He's in a white room with one window in the door, and an even smaller one on the opposite wall. Both barred to assure he stays where he is.

Not that he has any chance of escaping. Even with his hands free, there's nothing else in the room aside from the bed. He checked. Over and over again. The tiniest clip could help him to open the cuffs. A little trick he learned from his brother.

The thought pierces his whole body and makes him jump off the bed again. He turns to the camera that is placed in one of the corners of the room. "Where's my brother? Where is Dean?"

After the silence from before, Sam startles when the door suddenly opens with a loud squeak. Bright light penetrates his eyes, and he's only able to see when a dark figure steps into the room. "Hello, Sam. It's nice to meet you finally."

Sam recognizes a British accent, but that's pretty much it. The guy in front of him is smaller than him -, but that goes for almost everybody - and draped in black from top to bottom. Sam is sure he'd know if they have met before. "Who are you?"

"The name's Crowley, and from this day forward, you and I are gonna be besties." The guy sounds so convinced that Sam has no idea what to say to that, and instead Crowley squints at him. "Has anybody ever told you that you look like a moose in its prime?"

"What?!" Sam can't believe it. He's chained to a bed in something that looks like an old asylum, and some crazy dude wants to be best friends with him. It has to be a dream. It just has to be. "Look, I don't care, okay? I just need to wake up."

He closes his eyes and imagines himself in his bed, how he's about to get up for a run and kick Dean's ass when he gets back because otherwise, his brother would sleep through the apocalypse. The problem is that it doesn't work. Instead, there are footsteps next to him, and the graveling voice of the crazy guy. "I hate to be the voice of reason, but you're not dreaming, Sam. I'm here, you're here, and you're not going anywhere. We might as well have a talk."

Sam opens his eyes because even his most vivid dreams were nothing like this. It's freaking terrifying, but all of this is real, and that leaves just one question for Sam. "Where's my brother?"

Crowley smiles. "See, I'm a businessman. The location of your brother is something that you want, and you have something that I want. We're bound to make a deal."

"What deal?"

"How do I phrase that to make a moose understand? Well, let's say that for the foreseeable future, your soul is mine.”

 

 


	3. Welcome To The Bunker

_A dream you dream alone is only a dream._  
_A dream you dream together is reality._  
_\- John Lennon_

* * *

 

 

When warm sunlight hits his face, and he realizes he's comfortably snuggled in bed, Dean smiles slightly to himself. It's so good to finally wake up. He just had the weirdest dream, and it felt like it would never end.

He turns to the side, trying to decide if he wants to get up and have breakfast, or just fall asleep again and wait for Sammy to drag him out of bed. The nagging feeling that he might dream again turns his favor to the latter.

Dean slowly opens his eyes and regrets it immediately. He's not home, and this is not his bed. He shoots upright and scares a redheaded woman who's sitting in a chair next to him. She calms down pretty quickly, though, and rubs her eyes like she's just woken up, too. "Hey there, sleepy head. Glad to have you back."

He doesn't answer, but gets out of bed on the other side and looks around to find a weapon. There's not much to choose from. The room isn't exactly clinical, but still sparsely furnished. It's just the bed, a little bedside table, and an empty bookshelf. His eyes dart to the open door when the unknown woman stands up and slowly raises her hands. "Don't worry, okay? You're safe. We're the good guys."

Good guys usually don't abduct people, so Dean takes another step closer to the door. It's just not so easy to come up with an escape plan because his head seems to work horribly slow. Instead, the redhead moves into his way. "You shouldn't move too much. There's a chance you still have the tranquilizer in your blood, and it might make you nauseated."

"You should listen to her, boy." His fake lawyer walks into the door, and Dean realizes how fake he was. He lost the suit and instead wears a combination of flannel shirt, vest, and jeans topped off with a cap. He looks more like a trucker than anything else.

It might not be so easy to get out of here after all, and Dean knows that the woman is right. He doesn't feel good. Even if he manages to get past them, he still doesn't know where he is, and there are at least three more people who might keep him from leaving. Maybe even more. "Sorry when I have a hard time trusting you, but I don't know who you are, and you drugged me, remember?"

The guy shrugs. "I'm Bobby Singer, paranoid bastard, pleased to meet you."

Before Dean can reply, the woman steps up to him. "I'm Anna Milton, and for now, I'm your nurse. I highly advise you to lay down again."

Dean shakes his head. "I want to know who you people are, where I am, why you took me, and what you know about my brother, and I want to know it now."

With a sigh, Bobby reaches for a walkie-talkie on his belt and brings it up to his mouth. "Chuck, you there?"

For a while, there's just static, and then a loud click. "Yes, um, Chuck here. What is- What can I do for you, Bobby?"

"Our new house guest is up and wants answers."

"Already? I- I haven't prepared anything yet."

Bobby makes a sound like a grumpy old dog and shakes his head at the walkie-talkie. "You want me to get the Champagne? Maybe roll out some carpet?"

"No, no. It's fine. We'll just do a perimeter check, and I'll find someone to get you."

Without another word, Bobby puts the walkie-talkie back on his belt and leans against the doorframe. Dean has a hard time not to laugh. These are the weirdest prison guards he has haver seen, and that Chuck guy doesn't sound like he has any idea what he's even doing. "Perimeter check? As in, let's lock all the doors so that the prisoner won't walk out?"

"Never thought I'd say that, but you might not be as dumb as you look."

Suddenly Anna comes back into Dean's vision, and she taps the bed. "Are you sure you don't want to lay down for a moment?"

Dean doesn't want to, but the truth is, he still feels a little light headed, and who knows how long their check might take. There's no use in standing around like an idiot. He doesn't lay down, but at least sits at the end of the bed, and Anna takes her place on the chair again.

It's an uncomfortable silence, but Dean has a feeling that he won't get the answers he wants, even if he keeps asking. Wherever he is, there seem to be certain rules the people here follow, and it's unlikely for them to break protocol, just because he acts like an asshole.

Instead, he tries to breathe evenly, and carefully stretches his muscles in his arms and legs. At least he's got his body back. He hates to lose control, and not being able to move feels horrible. The only thing he needs now is his freedom, and he'll need his full strength for it, so he turns to Anna. "Any side effects? From that stuff you gave me."

She smiles at him and shakes her head. "No. As soon as it leaves your system, you're all good."

"And that takes how long?"

Bobby intervenes before she can answer. "Take your time. It's not like you're going anywhere."

Dean wants to reply, but a screeching sound travels through the corridor outside and is followed by a dull sound. Probably the door out of here. A second later Dean can hear footsteps coming closer, and Bobby steps outside to talk to the newcomer. "Chuck couldn't find somebody else?"

There's no answer, but Bobby nods and then shrugs. "He's all yours. I have to get back to work."

He disappears, and another guy walks through the door. Dean hasn't seen him before, which means he's another obstacle to overcome. Dean's not pleased with that development; Anna, on the other hand, is overjoyed. She jumps up from the chair and throws her arms around the stranger. "Castiel! Why are you back already?"

"I've been close by and thought I check in with you."

Dean always thought that HIS voice was deep, and he's been told by other people, but this guy? He sounds like he gargles with whiskey and gravel whenever he's got the chance. Anna smiles at him like Christmas came early. "Are you staying for a while?"

"Depends on Chuck."

Nothing is further from his mind than interrupting the reunion, but Dean's primary goal is still his freedom, and he wants to get there as quickly as possible. "So this Chuck guy is the boss? Do I need to talk to him to get out of here?"

Anna turns to him with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. Castiel, this is Dean. Dean, this is Castiel. He came up with the plan to get you out."

"He didn't answer my question."

Before Castiel seemed pretty unremarkable, his voice low, bending down to Anna to make it even possible for her to reach him, but now he turns to Dean and stretches his back and shoulders like he could flare wings out of them at any second.

It's clear he's a little smaller than Dean, but that doesn't keep him from towering over him. "I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We're not here to answer your questions. If anything, we're here to help your brother."

"Great. You did a bang up job so far."

Dean is waiting for an answer, but instead Castiel walks up to him, coming uncomfortably close. They almost touch, and Castiel still leans in, even more, his voice becoming a threatening whisper. "I'm the one who got you out of that station, I can throw you back in."

It's hard for Dean to answer, because he's a little thrown off by the open hostility, and even worse - Castiel's eyes. They are blue, which shouldn't be a great deal, but Dean has only been to the ocean once in his life, and that color is the only thing that can make him remember the sound of the waves, the fresh, salty air, and the laughter of his parents.

The last thing he needs is for someone to destroy those memories, and stay in the way of getting his brother back. "Be my guest, I dare you."

Before they can act on their threats, Anna appears next to them with raised hands to keep them apart. "Don't make me tranquilize the both of you. Castiel, just get Dean upstairs. Dean, please be patient. You'll get your answers. The only reason we drugged you is that we need to fly under the radar, and it was the only way to get you in here. We are the good guys, and we do want to help your brother."

She makes an inviting gesture to the door, and Dean steps past Castiel to get outside. Before the guy follows him, he changes a look with Anna, and she slightly shakes her head. Dean doesn't know what it means, but it might keep Castiel from doing something. Maybe kill him. Telling from the look he gives Dean when he walks outside, Dean is pretty sure he at least thought about it. The company you keep, right?

Wherever they are, it's a weird, but interesting place. Dean can't be sure, but it feels like they're underground, and Anna even told Cas to bring him 'upstairs'. There are long corridors, dimly lid with the oldest light bulbs Dean has ever seen. Parts of the wiring come out of the wall, and most of it doesn't look safe at all.

And of course, he can't shut up about it. "Awesome janitor."

"Bobby."

Castiel didn't turn around, so Dean isn't sure if he understood him right. "What?"

This time, Castiel at least turns his head but keeps walking. "Bobby takes care of the place. If you have complaints, you should take it up with him."

There might be hope for the guy. After all, he just said something without threatening Dean, who tries to give his word a lighter tone now. "I don't know. He seems like the 'shoot first, ask questions later' kind of guy."

When Castiel doesn't respond, Dean keeps talking. "Not unlike you."

They arrive at a corner, and for the first time, Castiel turns completely to Dean and furrows his brows. "I don't take pleasure in killing people."

Dean swallows hard. "Are you saying you killed someone?"

Castiel goes back to not answering, and instead he pushes a few buttons on a control panel on the door in front of them. Dean tries to watch him, but his fingers move too fast for him to see the combination. When the door slides open, Dean waits for Castiel to go first, but he justs stands there, watching the ground, and taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry about your brother."

At first, Dean is too baffled to answer, but when Castiel finally moves on, he hurries to say something. "It's not your fault. And you said, you'd help me get him back, right?"

Castiel nods. "Yes, they will do whatever they can to help you."

Dean 's not sure why, but he doesn't like how Castiel excludes himself, and before he can think about it, he just grabs Castiel's shoulder to stop him. "They? What about you? You help me, right?"

Castiel's body goes rigid under his hand, and he finally looks at Dean again. This time, it's not the color that irritates Dean, but the sadness in those eyes. "I can't help. And I'm the last person you should put any faith in."

He walks on, making it hard for Dean to catch up, and finally the corridor widens into a bigger room.

It's the exact opposite from the room he woke up in. There are tables and shelves, a little arrangement of sofas in one corner, one space with a whole cluster of computers, and everything is full of different things. Books, papers, office supplies, tools, wires, coffee mugs, pots with plants and flowers, clothing, and picture frames.

Even more surprising is the amount of people who come out of every corner to gather in front of Dean. He doesn't see Bobby, but there is the blond woman who asked him to go with them, as well as the van driver, and in front of them stands the guy Dean only knows as Dr. Carver Edlund.

He smiles at them and pats Castiel on the shoulder. "Thank you, Castiel. Could you stay? I'd like to talk to you."

Castiel nods, and walks on to a door at the other side of the room Him leaving makes Dean feel a little lost. It's a stupid thought, but now he's facing a whole bunch of people he doesn't know, and whatever they want, he's sure it's not good.

He decides to take the offensive and looks down at the presumed doctor. "Let me guess; you are not a doctor."

Edlund looks a little embarrassed, but nods. "Not exactly. I have my moments, but Anna, you met her downstairs, can do you one better if need be."

Dean laughs. "Yeah, and Bobby has some qualities when it comes to narcosis."

The guy gets even more nervous now and wrings his hands. "Well, that's a little unfortunate, I know, but that can't be helped. Now you're here, and I hope we can move forward from that. We all have the same goal, after all. This is Jo, and her mother, Ellen-"

His hand points from the young, blond woman to her older version and their resemblance finally makes sense. Mother and daughter. Edlund moves on to another redhead who happily grins at him while showing a piece sign. "This is Charlie."

He steps aside to make a small guy with black hair visible behind him. "And here we have Kevin, and you will probably meet others from the team as soon as they check in."

"Team?"

"Yes, we're all kind of a big family."

Edlund smiles like he's terribly proud about that, but Dean doesn't care much for his family. He wants his own back. "And you are? Don't tell me you didn't use a fake name."

"Oh, I'm Chuck."

Dean just can't help it; he starts laughing. "YOU are Chuck?"

"Yes, I am. Why, are you laughing? Why is this funny?"

He looks around but gets no answer, and Dean just shakes his head. The guy sounds like he wants to run away any second, with underlings like Bobby and Cas, and he's the one calling the shots. "Okay, fuzzy cheeks. You seem to be the leader around here, so tell me, when can I go?"

Chuck looks even more frightened than before and lifts his hands like he's trying to defend himself. "I'm not a leader, we're more of democracy, and-"

Dean doesn't let him finish. He lost enough time already. "Okay, fine, let's skip that part. Where is the exit to this place?"

"You can't go. I mean, you just arrived. I don't think you're ready yet, and it's too dangerous. We've got to train you first."

There's agreeing nodding and mumbling all around, and Dean can feel his anger rise again. "Train me?"

Now Chuck nods furiously. "Yes, of course. We have to improve your dream walking a great deal."

Dean lifts his eyebrows and turns his ear more to Chuck to make sure he can understand the next answer as good as possible. "My dream what now?"

If Chuck was clueless before, it's nothing compared to his now empty expression. He looks around, apparently searching for help when Charlie suddenly sighs. "Oh, he doesn't know."

They all look to Dean like they can see something on him, and Ellen shakes her head in disbelief. "He's been running around for hours. Nobody just does that without knowing what they're doing."

Chuck turns to Dean, an expression of hope forming on his face. "You know what dream walking means, right? You, being out and about, improving your skills with your dreams?"

Finally, Dean gets the point. He rubs the bridge of his nose and sighs, talking more to himself than the others. "That's just great. I just wanted a calm Friday, and a nice, lazy weekend with a Star Wars marathon, and what do I get? I start out in a cop car, and end up in a compound with a bunch of delusional hippies, who probably think that Elvis hasn't left the building."

There's a moment of silence, and then the group in front of him exchanges looks until Jo suddenly raises her hand. "Fine, I'll do it."

She signals Dean to follow her and moves in the direction of the sofas. "Come on, Dean. I'll give you the talk."

"Look, sweetheart-"

He doesn't finish the sentence, because from one second to the other, Jo is directly in front of him, pointing a knife at his face. "Call me sweetheart again, and I'll cut your tongue out. Now, move! You wanted answers; you'll get them. As long as you cooperate."

Nobody in the groups seems to take any offense at Jo threatening him with a weapon, and it might be a good idea to play along if he wants to stand a chance of getting out of here. If he has to listen to some weird stories about a nature goddess and dream walkers, that's a burden he can carry. Rather that than being sliced into pieces.

While the others scatter around the big room to do only god knows what, Jo sits Dean down in a corner. After all that happened, it shouldn't be so weird, but Dean feels pretty misplaced, sprawled on a comfortable couch, squished in between two huge pillows.

Jo sits down in the armchair opposite of him and takes a deep breath before she starts talking. "There's one thing I have to say first. I get you, okay? When I heard about all this for the first time, I wasn't buying it at all. If it hadn't been my mother who told me, I still wouldn't believe it. It sounds super wacky, but I assure you, we are not some hippies on drugs. All of this-" She points around the room and nods like she has to push the believe into Dean."Is real."

Dean takes another look around the room. They seem to be in an old bunker, and it's hard to believe that those people aren't crazy, but on the other hand, you have to be very crazy to hide out underground, running some weird operation. Dean has seen crazy people, and the whole crew doesn't fit the profile.

Bobby might have drugged him, but he seems pretty level headed in general. Chuck is a little out of it, but Dean can't believe that a whole group of people would accept him as a leader if he's a total wackjob. And Cas ... You'd have to be some very special kind of crazy to come up with a plan like he did. It felt like a scene from a freaking spy movie, but the truth is, Dean is here now. It worked.

Whatever all this is, by now he's sure he's not dreaming, and he should at least give those guys a chance. "Fine. I'm listening."

Jo smiles and leans forward like the real story just starts now. "We are 99 percent sure that you're a dream walker. I guess you have no idea what that means?"

Dean shakes his head. "You mean a sleepwalker?"

Suddenly Jo points at him like he made a good point, but shakes her head as well. "It's similar. A sleepwalker runs around while asleep, and they can do things, but they can't consciously make the decision what to do. A dream walker, on the other hand, can do exactly that. You're asleep, and therefore in an imaginary state where you are not fully bound to reality, but you can actively decide what to do."

Jo looks at him with hope, but Dean just shrugs his shoulders. "That's an interesting story, but I still don't get what that has to do with me."

Jo rolls her eyes but continues. "You told Chuck that you can change your dreams, right?"

"Yes."

"All of them?"

At first Dean wants to say yes, but when he thinks about it, there's more to it. Like he has two kinds of dreams. "No. I guess I have weird dreams that don't make much sense, and where I don't know where I am. Those I can't change. The others are very detailed like it's really-"

Dean doesn't finish the sentence, so Jo takes over. "Happening?"

He hates to admit it, but sometimes his dreams felt weird to Dean. Sammy seemed to understand when he talked about changing his dreams, but a lot of people didn't believe him. Maybe there is something special about him. "But I didn't know that I'm a dreamwalker. How do I do what I don't even know about?"

Jo just shrugs. "Babies start to walk someday. They don't know they can do it. It's just who you are."

Dean takes a moment to think about that when a realization strikes him. "Wait a second. Are you telling me that all those dreams happened?"

"Yes. That's why you ended up on the side of the road. You didn't just dream about chasing that truck, you actually did."

"That can't be. I was sliding across a whole intersection using my hand break. I'm a good driver, but not that good."

Jo just keeps smiling, like all of this makes perfect sense. "That's the deal with dream walking. To a certain degree, you are better in your dreams than in real life. You run faster, you drive better, you can lift heavier stuff. There are limits, though. You can't fly, just because you want to, but you can get better at everything. And the best part is that the more you do it, the better you get at it in real life as well."

Dean tries very hard not to call bullshit, and just focus on what Jo is telling him. If it is true, there's a chance he can train himself, but he needs to know how. "And you are all dream walkers?"

For a moment, Jo looks a little irritated, maybe because she expected resistance. Realizing that Dean is on board, she pulls up her feet to get more comfortable. "No, not all of us are libs."

Following Dean's freaked out expression, she shrugs her shoulders. "That's what we call all the people who have some sort of dreaming ability. I don't know who came up with it. People have been at this for way longer than we know. Maybe Kevin could tell you. He's a language geek and our official bookworm."

"Meaning what?"

"Oh, he researches stuff we need to know, and collects books which could help with our work. You better get yourself a tour through the library with him. He gets pissy when we move stuff around in the wrong order."

Jo rolls her eyes at this, but her tone suggests that she's fond of Kevin and his work. The fact that they have a single person just for maintaining the books makes Dean curious. "And what's your deal?"

"Funny that you ask. I'm a dream walker, just like you. Better at it, but you can get there."

"How?"

"First of all, we have to find a partner for you. A dream catcher. They make sure you don't fall, and help you get better with your walks."

Dean sighs. "Wait a second. Dream catcher? Fall? Walks?"

Jo sighs even deeper than he did. "You know, I told Chuck a thousand times; we should just get a manual or something. But does he listen to me? No. Whatever. You probably haven't experienced it yet, but dream walking can be dangerous. We call it a walk, when you actively choose to do dream walking, like a session. The more complicated the dream gets, the more dangerous it can be. After all, you're breaking reality. There is a chance that a dream walker gets lost in a dream and can't distinguish dream from reality anymore. If that happens, they totally fall into the dream world."

Probably thinking of somebody, Jo stops for a moment, but then looks at Dean like this is the most important thing she'll ever tell him. "We lost people like this, and it's a horrible thing. That's why we brought you here. We try to find all libs, and teach them what they can do, but also how to protect themselves from the risks."

There's silence between them until Dean feels like Jo might be able to talk again. After all, there's just too much he doesn't understand. "What is it like? When you fall?"

"It's like a coma. The people are alive but gone. We haven't found a way to bring them back. We're working on it, but-" She doesn't finish, and her face turns suspiciously red, so Dean doesn't press any further.

"So, um, dream catchers. What do they do?"

Jo quickly wipes her eyes, trying to get back to business. "They're like guardian angels, I guess. Dream walkers and dream catchers always go for a walk together. I can't exactly tell you how it works, but they have a connection. It feels like your dream catcher is your point zero. You can always come back to them, no matter how far into the dream world you went. I currently work with Gabriel. You don't know him yet, and he can be an ass, but he's good at what he does."

Dean isn't sure he wants to work with an 'ass'. He had to deal with enough of those as it is. "How do you pick a dream catcher?"

"Mix and match. That's the first thing we have to do, you know. Find you a nice catch. There isn't just one partner for everybody, but you have to find someone you have a connection with. It can be very easy, or a bit of a process, but so far we always found someone for everybody. You'll see."

He's not sure he wants to see. Aside from his brother, Dean doesn't exactly play well with others. "And if we can find someone, we can get my brother back?"

Jo nods, but slowly. "In time. Don't worry. We'll get there."

She wants to say more, but someone walks up to them. It's a lean guy with impossible hair that's short in the front, but hanging down to his shoulders in the back. He gives a quick nod to Dean before he turns to Jo. "Sorry to interrupt, but we could use your help with the map when you have time."

Jo stretches and jumps up from the chair, happy about the change. "Sure, I think Dean got the basics." With a smile, she throws her arm around the newcomer and smiles down at Dean. "This is Ash by the way. He runs tech with Charlie, and now and then they go for a walk. He's a dreamwalker, too."

Dean stands up to shake Ash's outstretched hand and tries to roll with his new knowledge. "So Charlie is your dream catcher."

Ash nods with a smile. "Yap. Someone's catching on quick."

"Yeah, but I think we could use a break. We just need someone to-" Jo doesn't finish the sentence. The library door opens, and when Chuck comes outside, Jo takes her arm away from Ash. "We should get started on that map."

Dean has no clue how Chuck can command so much respect from everybody around here, but Ash nods as well, and is about to walk away but stops himself when Castiel enters the room. He comes in their direction, and Ash stops him midway. "Man, guess I owe you five. Your freaking plan worked."

"Just as I told you."

Ash shakes his head and looks to Dean. "I told him he was crazy. Working out a plan with sometimes only seconds to go by, and starting with a freaking note. Who would go for that? Besides, why did you?"

Dean thinks back to the moment in the cell, remembering again that he's a fugitive, and the note seems to burn a whole in his back pocket. "It was the only option to save my brother."

There's a moment of silence where Jo and Ash exchange a freaked out look, and Ash points at Cas when he turns to Dean again. "That's exactly what he said. You sure you guys never met?"

Castiel doesn't answer, but Dean shakes his head. "I think I'd remember a guy in a trench coat."

He doesn't mean it as an insult, but Jo quickly steps forward, like she needs to separate Castiel from Dean. "Okay, well, I guess I take you back to your room and-"

"No way. I'm not a prisoner, right? Don't Harry Potter me."

Jo opens her mouth to object but is interrupted by Castiel. "I'll take him. You should be working on that map."

"Yeah, we should." Ash grabs Jo's arm, who stares at Castiel like he just revealed himself as their lord and savior, and drags her away with him. Not that Dean cares. He won't let anybody tell him what to do.

He wants to say that much, but Castiel steps closer and directs this pervasive stare at him again. "Are you hungry?"

"What?"

"Are you hungry? You've been on your feet the whole day, and I assume the last time you ate was yesterday."

Dean wants to act like he's fine, but now that he's thinking about it, he feels like he's caving in from the inside.

"You assume right. I could eat."

Castiel starts walking, and Dean just follows him again, wondering if today was the first day he met the guy. He can't put his finger on it why, but he seems so familiar. When they stop at the massive door again, and Castiel types in the code, Dean decides to get more information out of him. "So, what's your job around here?"

"I help out with whatever I can."

He pushes the door open and signals Dean to walk through, and when he closes it, Dean tries again. "Making crazy plans?"

"For example."

Castiel just moves on, but Dean stays at the door. Talking to the guy is exhausting, and he wishes himself back to talkative Jo. "You're a piece of work; you know that? I'm just trying to make sense of all this. I need answers."

Without pause, Castiel turns around and walks up to him. Dean should be glad about it, but again, Castiel doesn't quite get where to stop. He infiltrates Dean's space, first with his whole body, then with his piercing look, and lastly with that cutting voice. "To what questions?"

"Are you-" Dean's voice wavers, and he hates himself for it, but Castiel just has this way of putting Dean off his stride. Unintentionally, he looks down at Castiel's lips when he forms the question. "Are you a lip, too?"

Castiel tilts his head to one side, but doesn't break his stare, and suddenly his eyes wander down to Dean's mouth. "Lip?"

"Yeah, all the dream people. Jo called them lips. Kind of weird name if you ask me."

Somethings seems to click in Castiel's head, because he straightens up, and his gaze moves up to Dean's eyes again. "You mean 'libs'. It's a shortened version of their name. Liberi somniorum."

Dean huffs. "Latin, huh? Well, that makes a lot more sense than lips. Not that I have anything against lips, it's just-" He presses his own together to keep himself from talking more rubbish, and wonders where this tickling feeling is coming from that wanders all over his body.

Not that Castiel seems to care. He's back at penetrating Dean with those damn blue eyes, and the feeling turns into a burning sensation in Dean's bloodstream. There are probably some narcotics still left in his body. "You're not exactly a people person, are you?"

Castiel's eyes narrow, and his voice comes out even deeper than before. "Is that one of the questions you desperately need answers to?"

In fact, there are some very crazy questions crawling in Dean's mind, especially regarding Castiel, but it might not be such a good idea to ask them right now. Instead, Dean intends to get some space between the two of them. "Yeah, man. Has nobody ever told you that you can't just come up to people like that? You know, personal space?"

It's the first time Dean can make out something like doubt on Castiel's face, and he looks down for a moment before he takes a step back. "My apologies."

"It's okay." Dean tries to sound reassuring, but probably more for himself, because suddenly he feels left alone. Like he needs to have Castiel that close.

He sighs, desperately trying to get those thoughts out of his head. "You know what? Why don't we start with something to eat, and get to the questions later. I can't concentrate. And stop staring at me like that."

Castiel does stop, but only because he turns around and starts walking. They make their way through that labyrinth of corridors again, and from some point forward Dean might have found the kitchen on his own. It smells fantastic, and he can't help but take deep breaths the closer they get.

When they enter the kitchen, the first thing he sees is a bunch of black locks coming out of a huge pot. Only when she unbends, Dean discovers the girl attached to the curly hair. She notices them in the same moment and smiles. "Well hello there. I guess your plan worked then."

Dean wonders why everybody seems to know about his breakout while Castiel just nods. "Cassie, this is Dean."

She wipes her hand on a towel before she stretches it out to him. "My pleasure, Dean. Always glad to have another dream walker around. If you need weapons or anything that goes boom, come by the armory, and I see what I can do."

It seems this place is even more of a secret base than Dean thought. He turns to Castiel and lifts one eyebrow. "Armory?"

"Yes, there are a few things you haven't seen yet. We will get there later."

Cassie watches their exchange, but at the same time, she continues to throw different spices into the huge pot. "You must be one hell of a dream walker if you get the private tour from Castiel."

Now Dean understands why Jo looked so freaked out when Castiel offered to show him around. Apparently, that's not his usual gig. Dean just doesn't get what's so special about him. Maybe Castiel doesn't trust him to stay put without supervision. "In fact, I didn't even know I was a dream walker until today."

For a moment, Cassie stops stirring and looks at him in surprise. "But you've been driving and walking around like nobody's business."

"Yeah, not on purpose." Cassie nods like she's impressed, and Dean can't help but feel a little proud although he doesn't even know why. "Guess I'm a natural."

She laughs and leaves the pot alone to walk over to them. "Seems you are. I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do with the right catch. But now I have to run. If you're hungry, you should eat now before the rest of the wolves come down here."

Dean smiles. "We'll do."

Cassie nods pleased with his answer and pats Castiel on the shoulder before she leaves the room. Dean takes the opportunity to check out the pot. It smells like heaven, and he grabs a spoon from a box on the counter to dig in. "Wow, that's great."

Castiel moves over to a cupboard on the other side of the room and comes back with two bowls. "Cassie is one of the better cooks."

He opens a drawer to get out a ladle and hands it to Dean, who immediately starts to fill their bowls. "There are more than one?"

"Yes. Everybody cooks at one point. We all work together. Nobody is here to serve others."

Dean can't answer, because he shoved a spoon full of stew into his mouth, and is occupied with not burning his mouth. Castiel takes the time to guide him into the adjacent room. There are three big tables surrounded by lots of different chairs, and they sit down at one of them.

While Castiel starts eating, Dean tries to wrap his head around that system. It seems everybody has a lot of things to do, and they take turns with the basics to keep this bunker running. The question is, for what exactly? "Can I ask you something?"

Castiel nods, but keeps eating, and Dean can't help but watch him for a moment. He has this tense aura around him, and seeing him doing something so mundane as eating just doesn't fit the picture. "What are you guys even doing here? I mean, Jo said you try to find, um, libs. To prevent them from harm, and show them how to use their skills. But for what? I've never done anything, and I'm fine. Why this bunker?"

For a moment Dean believes he won't get an answer, but then Castiel puts his spoon down and looks at him. "Did Jo tell you about the others?"

"Others?"

The question is already answer enough, so Castiel continues. "There are a lot more people out there with dreaming abilities. Mostly, they stay together in little groups like we do. The problem is that some of them don't try to help anybody but themselves. All their actions are of a criminal nature, and they don't care if they hurt others."

"Criminal nature? Like what? Bank robberies?"

"For example. Imagine someone strong enough to lift a safe instead of opening it, people, with guns who never miss their target and a getaway car with the most skilled race driver."

Dean remembers the way he drove in his not-dream, and he didn't have any training. He can't imagine how it must be like for someone who prepares for a dreamwalk. "And you guys fight them?"

Castiel shakes his head. "They fight us. That's the main reason why we're underground and very careful to move outside. It's also why Bobby drugged you. We couldn't risk you being seen with us. They might suspect that we helped you escape, but they don't know. That gives us the advantage when it comes to finding your brother."

That brings up the question Dean turned over in his head a thousand times now. "Why do you want to help my brother and me at all?"

He shouldn't have asked. Castiel's eyes narrow, and he's back to that piercing look he gave Dean earlier. "We don't steal people's lives like they do. We provide guidance and help. We honor free will. The gift of dreams is given to you, and it's your choice what you make of it. We swore to fight anybody, who tries to take that away."

Dean lifts up his hands and smiles. "Keep calm, buddy. I was just wondering. I'm not used to people helping me without getting anything in return."

Castiel looks down at the table, probably realizing that he got carried away. "If you and your brother were to help us in the future, we would get something from you, but we won't force you to do so.

"Okay, sounds great to me." Dean starts eating again, but Castiel still stares at the table, caught in his thoughts until Dean bends down to find his gaze. "If you don't eat that, I will."

Castiel shoves the bowl closer to Dean and nods. "You'll need your strengths."

Usually Dean doesn't turn down extra food, but the announcement coming with it doesn't sound too good. "For what?"

"As soon as Gabriel is here, you'll start looking for your dream catcher. It can be a very exhausting process."

"How does it work?"

Castiel shakes his head slightly and looks down at the bowl. "Just eat."

Dean isn't one to take orders, but there's experience in Castiel's voice. He knows what he's talking about, and even with his limited knowledge, Dean understands that finding his partner is the key to getting Sam back. He grabs Castiel's bowl and eats like his life depends on it.

After their meal, Castiel shows Dean the most important parts of the bunker, like the armory and something like a small infirmary. Just like Jo, he skips the library and refers him to Kevin. He also explains to him how he can find his way around through all of the corridors. Wherever two of them or more join up, there are little symbols on the wall pointing in the direction of the main rooms like the kitchen and the huge common room which seems to be the primary place of operation.

In the end, Castiel leads Dean back to the room where he first woke up, because it's going to be his room as long as he wants to stay in the bunker. With a sigh, Dean takes another look at it. "Not exactly cozy."

"If you need anything, let Chuck know. He puts a list together for Ellen and Bobby. They do most of the shopping."

Dean tries to imagine the two of them in a mall and has a hard time not to laugh. "What about my place?"

Castiel shakes his head, and Dean knows that there's absolutely no chance. "They are watching it for sure. We can't risk that."

"Awesome. What am I going to wear?"

"We have a broad range of clothes in our storage room; I'm sure you'll find something. And if you need anything else, you can look in my room. It's at the end of the corridor."

He's not sure why, but Dean feels a little jolt in his stomach. Cassie has already been impressed because Dean got the private tour from Castiel. What would she say about a room offering? "Thanks, man, but I think I'll be fine."

Castiel seems to understand why he declines the offer, but shrugs almost invisibly. "Don't worry; I won't be there."

"You're leaving? But then you'll miss my match-up."

"I don't need to be here for that."

He picks the words carefully, but Dean understands what it means. For whatever reason, Castiel doesn't want to be there. Again, Dean has this weird abandoned feeling, and he wonders what could happen that makes that stoic stone of a man want to leave. "Any advice?"

For a moment, it doesn't look like Castiel wants to answer, but then he focuses on Dean, practically drowning him in blue. "You have to make sure you feel comfortable and safe with your dream catcher. If there's a hint of doubt in your mind, it's not the right on."

Dean shrugs. "Maybe over time-"

He can't finish the sentence because Castiel grabs his arm, his fingers digging into his flesh, and he comes even closer. "No. You have to be sure from the start. Your catcher is the only thing between you and the fall while you walk. If you're not sure, you're already lost. You can laugh about anything else, but this is of grave importance. Promise me you'll take that seriously."

It hurts where Castiel is holding him, and Dean tries to sound reassuring. "Okay, yes. I promise, Cas, but you gotta chill."

Dean's not sure what he said, but from one second to the other, Castiel practically caves into himself. His shoulders fall, and he looks smaller and years older. Even worse is his face. He turns from trained killing machine to lost puppy, and for a second Dean feels like he might cry.

He's about to ask what the problem is when Castiel turns his head to the side. "This door leads outside. It's not locked, but you'll need a code to silence the alarm. Otherwise, it might be two minutes or less before someone shows up."

He looks at Dean again; his lips slightly parted like he wants to say something else, but then he catches himself and just leaves.

Something in Dean wants to hold him back, but there's nothing he could say to Castiel to make him stay. And why would he?

Instead, Dean walks into his new room to sit on the bed and think. His head feels hot and crowded from all the new information, and he's not sure it's making sense.

He sifts through it from the moment those cops arrested him to the point where Cas told him about the door. It's the next point on a growing list of things Dean doesn't understand about the guy. Anna and Bobby clearly tried to keep him here, and Chuck didn't want him to leave either. Why would Cas tell him how he'd be able to escape?

Sure, he talked about an alarm, but he mentioned the response time as well. If Dean wanted to, he could make it. Cas wasn't lying when he told him that they were pro-choice. Now it's on Dean to decide if he trusts those people, or tries to find his brother on his own.

All the new faces flash before his eyes, and for a moment Dean is tempted just to leave and look for his brother, but the last face he sees is Sam's the night before he disappeared. He smiled at him and called him a Jerk, and Dean retorted with his usual 'Bitch'.

With a sigh, he falls down on the bed, regretting that this is the last thing he said to his brother. "Sammy, where are you, man?"

 


	4. First Steps

_It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting._  
_-_ Paulho _Coelho_

* * *

 

 

Dean wakes up when someone carefully shakes him. For a moment he hopes it's Sam because he just saw him, but instead, a redheaded woman is looking down at him. Anna. "Hey, I'm sorry to wake you, but it's time."

Right. He's still with the hippies. At least Anna smiles at him, and her voice is warm, and smooth, not like the scratchy one in his dream. "S'alright." Dean sits up and tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Gabriel already here?"

Anna nods but looks surprised. "How do you know?"

Dean yawns and stretches his arms above his head to get his blood flowing again. "My prison guard told me. He said Gabriel would come and that you guys would try to find my better half."

"Did he leave? Castiel?"

"Yap. Any idea why?"

Anna's face says yes, but she shrugs her shoulders. "He can't help you, and we all have things to do. I guess Chuck had a mission for him."

Dean huffs a laugh. "Chuck, huh? Remind me again why he's the boss."

For the first time, Anna's smile isn't just friendly, but amused. "He doesn't look like much to you, right?"

"I wouldn't say it to his face, but-"

Dean doesn't need to finish the sentence because Anna already nods. "And now you're wondering why we take orders from him."

"Couldn't hurt to know more about him. I mean, no offense, but to me, you are all strangers. You can't expect me just to go along with everything you tell me."

Anna doesn't answer but sits down on her chair first. "Chuck is the one who started all of this. He found this building and built it up all on his own. He went looking for other people like him, and when he found them, he started training them. The first people who took a walk in here, Michael and Luke, were brought together by him. They are brothers, but they only managed to use their gift because of Chuck."

The story is probably meant to reassure him, but Dean doesn't quite like the sound of it. "But how did he know?"

"Did Jo tell you about dream readers?"

Dean sighs. "Readers? How many types of libs are there?"

There's a small smile on Anna's lips again. "I'm sorry. We don't make the rules; it's just who we are. Dream readers are rarer than dream walkers and catchers, and what they can do is less voluntarily."

"That doesn't sound too good."

Anna underlines Dean's statement with a dreading expression on her face. "It isn't. Dream reading just happens. Most of the times, Chuck gets a horrible headache, and then he just sees things. I can't tell you what exactly, you'd have to ask him, but he's able to see other people's dreams. That's how we found you and your brother."

"He saw us?"

"Yes. He got glimpses of the van, and your car, plates, a street sign. We tried to beat the cops to the punch, but when we got there, they already took you away."

Dean can feel his heart beating faster. "Did he saw who took him? Does he know where Sam is?"

"We have an idea, but knowing who it is doesn't tell us much about the where. Together, we started working on a map to find hiding places, and maybe determine connections between people who might know something. Castiel started it, and now everybody adds their information. We hope that something will pop up."

Again Cas was the one to take action, and Dean feels like he'll owe the guy his soul by the time they find Sam. "Can I help?"

"The best thing you can do now is to become an actual dream walker."

Dean gets up from the bed with a little jump. "To the Nest then?"

During their tour, Cas told him that 'nest' is what they call the big common room, and Anna gets up from her chair as well. "Technically, yes. But not yet. We have to make a stop at the infirmary first."

Anna explains to Dean that he has to undergo a small fitness test. They had trouble in the past where people collapsed when they walked for the first time, so they're trying to make it as safe as possible. Anna puts a respiratory mask on him and lets him run on a treadmill while observing his vitals. She even takes Dean's blood and rolls her eyes at his vampire jokes. When they're done, she hands him a box with several small vials with red liquid in it.

"No, it's not blood." Her words make Dean swallow his own, and she keeps explaining. "We call them D-Shots. It's a dream suppressant. You have to take it, so you won't accidentally start walking in your sleep again."

Dean checks out one of the vials. "D-Shots? Really?"

Anna sighs. "It was Charlie's idea, I think. Or maybe Ash's. You have to take a vial per day, and it works best if you take it at roughly the same time. And Dean? I know you want to find your brother, but free walking is dangerous and..."

"I'll take it." Dean interrupts her and puts a hand on his heart. "I promise."

She nods, satisfied. "Good. Well, I'm done with you for now. Get something to eat if you can. Gabriel should be here soon, and he's not the type to wait around. He gets easily bored."

The Nest is full of people. There are a lot of unfamiliar faces mixed in with the ones Dean already knows. Anna leads him through the small crowd to Chuck and another guy Dean doesn't know. When they arrive, he turns around though and whistles. "Dear Lord, from which catwalk did they steal you?"

"What?" Dean has the notion, that he just met 'the little bit of an ass', and the guy confirms the assumption.

"Okay. Just sexy, not bright. I usually like 'em bright, but we can still have fun."

Dean can feel Anna's hand on his arm, and before he can say anything, Chuck chips in. "Okay, that's, um, enough of an introduction, thank you. Dean? This is Gabriel. We decided to try and team you up with him first. He just has the most experience from all the dreamcatchers we, um, work with. It's our best chance."

Cas' words ring in Dean's ears, and he's not sure if he'll be able to feel comfortable with Gabriel, but he has to try. He might just need to repeat 'do it for Sammy' over and over in his head.

"Okay, what do I do?"

Gabriel raises his eyebrows and smiles. "Cutting right to the chase, I like that."

"Gabriel!" Dean almost jumps when Anna says the name. Her voice is sharp, and the stare she gives the guy remembers Dean a little bit of Cas.

She just gets an eye-roll from Gabriel, but at least he shuts up, and Chuck dares to take over again. "Okay, fine. That's, um, that's good. Just bonding."

He motions Dean to follow him, and they walk over to one end of the room with Gabriel and Anna in tow. "Normally a dream walker and his partner can start a walk wherever they are, but the first time can be a little bit tricky. To make it easier, we designed a little room to make you feel comfortable."

"YOU designed it," Anna smiles at Chuck from behind, and he gives a slight shrug like it doesn't matter who did what.

"Let's just go inside."

He takes the lead again, and Dean and Gabriel follow him while Anna walks past the door to another one. When they are inside, Dean understands why.

The room looks a bit like the interrogation room at the police station. One wall is just a huge piece of glass. Behind it, Dean can see a lot of electronic equipment, and in the middle of it, Charlie and Ash. Charlie waves at him, and Ash gives him a thumbs up. Dean is sure it's meant to be helpful, but he's starting to feel like he's about to take a critical test. He always hated that.

A moment later, Anna joins them and smiles at him, and he's got enough of all the reassurance. "Now what?"

Chuck points to two pillows in the middle of the room. "You just sit down, breath, and try to relax."

Gabriel leads the way by draping himself over one of the pillows like he's about to be painted. Dean just sits down and tries to breathe, but he's tenser than ever before in the bunker. He almost jumps up again when Chuck puts something on his head. "This will help you to get into the right state for the walk."

Dean reaches up to feel out the thing on his head. It feels like very plain and thin headphones. "What does it do?"

"The room is designed to accommodate its users. That transmitter on your head will pick up on your brain activity and feelings, and the place will change accordingly. At least that's how you will perceive it."

"Then why don't you hook me up with a batch of LSD and call it a day."

Chuck looks over to Gabriel, who just smiles, which tells Dean that he probably made the same proposal in the past. "We tried drugs at first. It wasn't-" Chuck's voice took on a high pitch, and he tones himself down on purpose. "We get better results with this method. Don't worry. It doesn't interfere with your body at all, and you will be the only one to know what you see and feel in here."

There's a heavy silence after that, probably because they all wait for Dean to bail out, but he just nods. "Beam me up, Scotty."

He feels like there's a laugh coming from the other side of the glass, but it dies down when Chuck looks over there. "Good. Just, uh, let us know if anything doesn't feel right, okay? We can stop at any time."

With another reassuring nod, he finally leaves the room, and Dean turns to Gabriel. "This is about my brother, okay? I don't care what your deal is, or how you usually do this, but please try not be an ass. Just this once. For him."

Gabriel doesn't laugh, and it's the first time he looks serious when he talks. "You can count on me, Dean Bean. After all, I promised Castiel."

He doesn't know it, but him mentioning Castiel calms Dean down. He has no idea why, but he knows that this is important, and whenever the shit hits the fan, you can count on Dean's nerves.

He takes a few deep breaths and feels his heartbeat slowing down. After a while there are sounds, like people are talking to him. He can't place the voices, but it's nice, and soon after he smells his mom's cooking and pie. It's like he's at a family dinner, and without even realizing it, he closes his eyes.

At first, he's totally at peace, and just enjoys being with his family, but the longer they are with him, the more distant they seem to be. He remembers that they can't be here. His parents are dead. They have been for years. They are gone. Just like Sammy.

There are voices, but Dean doesn't know them. They are close, but Dean can't reach them. He can't move. He can only listen. They grab Sam. He struggles. He screams. "Dean! Dean, help me! Dean!"

For a moment, everything is black, and the only thing Dean hears is a high pitched sound. He tries to breathe and realizes he's bent over, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Dean?"

He doesn't know the voice but looks up, and the picture is devastating. To his right are Chuck, Anna, Charlie, and Ash. They must have come over from the other room, and fill up the door, with worried expressions on their faces.

Gabriel is still in front of him, but he's not lying on the pillow anymore. He abandoned the resting place, and instead, he cowers in one corner of the room, as far away from Dean as possible.

Before Dean can make any sense of the situation, there's motion at the door and Jo scrambles past the others, crossing the room with a few quick steps. She slowly crouches down next to Gabriel and nudges his shoulder. "Come on, Gabe. Don't be an ass. Get it together."

Gabriel doesn't answer, but Dean feels the need to apologize. He doesn't know what happened, but somehow he turned a flirty, fun loving guy into a trembling mess. He looks afraid, and takes a few short breaths before he finally talks."

"Your mind is a dark place."

There's silence, but finally, the crew seems to get their shit together. Anna walks over to help Dean into a sitting position again, and Chuck turns to Ash. "How long?"

Ash checks his watch and shrugs his shoulder like there's something he should be sorry for. "Not even a minute."

Chuck nods and rubs his face before he moves over to Gabriel instead. "How did it go?"

"The second it started, I just wanted it to be over. I've never seen something like it. He just dropped like a stone. I threw in all I had to keep him afloat long enough to get out, and now I'm beat. Sorry, Dean, but you have to catch another ride."

It takes a moment for Dean even to comprehend the words, but he doesn't like the sound of them. "What does that mean?"

Anna pats his back like he had a bad dream. "It just means we have to find someone else to walk with you. Don't worry. It rarely works out on the first try."

Dean feels like a list is popping up in his head, and he crosses Gabriel off. "What about Charlie?"

All heads turn to Charlie, and she smiles. "Oh, sure. That's what I'm here for, right?"

While Jo helps Gabriel up to get him out of the room, Charlie takes her place opposite from Dean. They wait for the others to go as well, but nobody moves and Dean gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. Gabriel said he had a hard time getting out. Maybe you can't just fall in dreams; maybe you can trap others as well. His eyes travel to Chuck. "I can't hurt her, right?"

Chuck looks horrified, but before he can answer, Charlie waves them all away. "Of course, you can't hurt me. We'll be just fine. Don't listen to Gabriel; he can be overdramatic. I'm sure you have an incredible mind."

She keeps smiling like there's nothing better than taking a walk with Dean and finally the others clear the room.

It's almost too quiet now and Charlie nods at Dean to signal him to start. He closes his eyes and tries to relax. It doesn't take long until he hears the voices again. They come closer, and he's sitting at the table with his parents and Sam.

This time, it doesn't become darker, but the scenery changes. He's in the Impala, driving along a long road. He remembers the trip. In a moment of rebellion, Sam walked out on him and traveled around the country until he became horribly homesick and asked Dean to get him.

Instead of picking up Sammy though, there's Ronda Hurley. She dares him to try on her pink panties. He knows he did it, but in doesn't come to that.

He runs up to his father who lifts him over his head and makes him fly. His mom brings him a sandwich and milk. He plays with Sammy. The little boy laughs when he tickles him, but the sound fades and instead he hears another voice.

It's Charlie. They are in the bunker, and she smiles at him. "Let's go back, Dean."

He has no idea what she means, but seconds later he feels the urge to open his eyes. It's like waking up from a nap, and he realizes he's back in the room with Charlie. She's still smiling but looks way more exhausted than before.

The door opens, and this time only Chuck and Ash come inside. They don't seem to be as upset as before, but happy sure does look different. Chuck gives Dean a weak smile and turns to Charlie. "So, um, what do you think?"

Charlie keeps up her happy face, but it's more reassuring than satisfied. "I'm sorry Dean. It doesn't work."

Chuck lets out a disappointed sigh, and Charlie shrugs her shoulders. "It's not as bad as Gabriel made it seem, but I was only able to guide him, and I ran out of ideas pretty quickly. If he fell, there's nothing I'd be able to do."

"Guide me?" Dean tries to catch her eye again, and Charlie nods. "One method of dream catching is to provide the dream walker with memories. That way I can show you something that's not part of a dream. It already happened to you, and you know it's part of reality. It worked with you, but only short periods of time. That's why we jumped so often. The second I found a new memory, you already started to fade, and I had to find a new one. Which, for your information, isn't as easy as I made it out to be."

Regarding the weirdness of this whole situation, her explanation made sense and Dean concentrates on something else she said. "You can see my memories?"

Charlie's cheeks turn a little red, and for the first time, she struggles to find words. "Oh, yeah that's part of the process. You melt your minds during a walk. If you were a little more experienced, you could see my thoughts, too. It works better the more you open up to each other."

Dean can't help but think back to one particular memory, and Charlie leans forward and carefully pats his knee. "Don't worry; your secrets are safe with me. And by the way, I would have done it, too. She was super hot."

Chuck's freaked out expression to that announcement makes Dean laugh, and his amusement only fades when he realizes what that means. He's back to square one. He gets to his feet and helps Charlie up as well before he turns to Chuck. "So, what now?"

"That wasn't exactly what we were hoping for, but Charlie is right. It rarely works the first day. To be honest, I don't have any more candidates right now, but at least we have an idea about your mind. I should be able to find more people until tomorrow."

Without warning, Ash claps Dean hard on the shoulder. "Yeah man, don't worry. We all keep a lookout and then we'll find you someone in no time."

Dean just nods, and Charlie gives him another uplifting smile before she leaves the room with Ash. He feels a little left alone, but he knows they'll either try to find a dreamcatcher for him or a way to find Sam, and he shouldn't distract them.

Alone with him, Chuck doesn't look too comfortable, but on the other hand, he never does. "Can I, uh, help you with something? Show you around? Are you hungry maybe?"

Dean puts him off. "Don't worry. I'm well fed, and I got the tour. I think I'll just head to my room for now."

"Okay, sure. But let us know if you need anything."

He needs a freaking miracle, but that might be a little much to ask for, so Dean just nods. "Will do."

Chuck gives him a thumbs up and vanishes through the door, and Dean puts down those weird headphones before he follows him outside.

It's like going into an entirely different world. There are still a lot of people around, and Dean has no idea what they are even doing here. He only knows that all of this is too much for him right now. As quickly as possible, he makes his way through the nest and back into the corridors.

He follows the signs Cas showed him but only to keep moving. He doesn't want to go back to his room yet, but he's, also not keen on meeting anybody. He takes turns when he hears voices and gets into a part of the corridors he's never been to. Maybe Bobby hasn't come around to fix this part of the bunker. Dean finds a sign on the wall that doesn't make sense to him, and he follows it to an open double door. It's much lighter in the room behind, almost like a mall.

When Dean steps inside, he feels like entering a clothing store. There are long shelves and racks with a huge variety of different pieces of clothing. On one side of the room, there's even a counter and behind it waits a tall, scrawny guy and smiles at him. "Hola amigo. You must be Dean, right?"

Maybe there's a group chat going on somewhere and everybody gets a message when they drug a new member. Dean keeps the thought to himself and just nods. „Yeah, that's me."

"Great. I'm Garth." He shakes Dean's hand and watches him with anticipation. „And? What do you think?"

"About what?"

Garth waves his hands around like it's clear what he means. "Everything. Your abilities, the bunker, your new life. Isn't it great?"

"No offense, Garth, but I'd rather be home with my brother than hanging out here without a clue where he is. I don't care for a new life."

Even the harsh words can keep Garth from smiling, but it's less enthusiastic now. "Don't worry, if anybody can find your brother, it's this family."

"Family?"

"Yes, sure. For all I care you're my brother now."

Dean's not sure what to think about that, but the look on Garth's face is so genuine that it's hard to doubt the truth of his words. "Okay, fine. Why don't you help out a family member and tell me how this works here. Do I just take what I need?"

"Oh, yes." Garth clears his throat and stretches his arms out for the big announcement. "Welcome to the closet!"

"The nest, the closet. Who comes up with the names around here?"

"I don't know about 'the nest', probably Chuck. But 'the closet' was Charlie's idea. She thought it would be funny if everybody had to come out of the closet at some point. Not that I need it, I'm so openly pan I could sell kitchenware in here." He points at his colored shirt and winks at Dean. "Love 'em all, kind of my motto."

This time, Dean can't help but smile. At least his new family gives its members all the choices. "That's great, but do you have anything where I don't have to wear my sexuality on my chest?"

Garth comes around the counter to lead the way and points to the different areas in the room. "If you like plaid, that's your corner over there. And next to it, we have the boring tees. If you want something expressive like mine, you have to talk to Bobby. Or better Ellen. Her taste is a little more advanced."

Dean thinks back to Bobby's appearance and has to admit that he'd be okay with that. He's glad when they reach a shelf with jeans, and after Garth pointed out the sections for underwear and socks, he leaves Dean alone. "I'll check if I have a box for your stuff. Just come to the counter when you're done. I need to keep track of the stock."

Usually, Dean hates clothes shopping, but most of the time it's because of the crowded malls. Here he takes his sweet time and even gets himself a pair of new sneakers. He can't know how long he's going to be in the bunker, and they might be more comfortable than his work boots. Garth compliments his choices, and Dean heads to the kitchen to grab a little snack before going back to his room. He spends a little time with putting the clothes in his lonely shelf and contemplates another trip to the nest, but decides against it.

It's getting late anyway. He should try to sleep and regain his strength for tomorrow. The dreamcatchers might be doing the work, but it's been a very eventful day, and he feels drained. He goes over the day in his head, but soon his thoughts turn to his brother and Sammy stays with him until he falls asleep a few minutes later.

When Dean gets to the nest the next day, Chuck has a surprise for him. He managed to get together 20 dreamcatchers to work with him. Some of them traveled here overnight from the neighboring cities. It's impressive what a sense of camaraderie they all share.

Eager to finally find his match, Dean is excited to test their compatibility. Only when he struck out with 12 of them, his enthusiasm starts to fade. Two of them managed a minute with his mind but had to give up after a second try. Something about him puts people off, but even they don't know what.

They take a break to have lunch, and Dean sits in silence while Chuck and Ash discuss possible candidates. Dean knows they are trying to help, but it sounds like they already gave up on the remaining eight people. Probably there's just no match out there for him. That's one thing Henriksen was right about.

He's not exactly a people person. Sure, he can find someone to hook up with if he wants to, but that's it. Aside from Sam, he doesn't have any close friends. Not that it's only his fault, though. He's been a little bit too busy with caring for his brother to care much about his social life. It's better to take care of yourself anyway. He doesn't need to trust anybody when he can trust himself. But maybe that's precisely the attitude that interferes with finding a partner.

During their next tries, he does his best to open up as much as possible and believe in his partner's abilities. Unfortunately, it doesn't help at all. 8 mishaps later, Dean parts ways with Chuck and Ash. He sinks into the cushions of one of the sofas in the nest, hoping just to drown in it and disappear.

He's been staring at the ceiling for a few minutes when he catches movement out of the corner of his eye. Someone is standing next to him with a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

He has a few books in his arms, and Dean remembers him from Chuck's introduction. "Uh, yeah, peachy. Kevin, right?"

Kevin nods and gets ready to move away, but Dean holds him back. "Hey, I've been told to ask you for the library tour."

"Do you need any books?"

"Maybe?"

"Well Dean, you should be sure, because I'm busy right now." He moves the books in his arms in a more comfortable position and takes another step back like he's trying to slip away unseen.

Dean doesn't give him a chance and jumps up from the couch to follow him instead. "You probably heard that I suck at dream walking. I was wondering if you've got some book that could help me."

Honoring their newfound mobility, Kevin heads for the library and talks more to the books in his arms than to Dean behind him. "Depends on what you're looking for. Do you want a deeper connection, fewer memory flashbacks, an ability boost-"

Dean catches up with Kevin and silences him with a cutting movement of his hand. "Wait, not kicking out my dreamcatcher would be a nice place to start."

Kevin stops in his tracks and looks at him in wonder. "You haven't walked with a partner yet?"

"Nope." Dean forces the word out because it stings. From what he understands, it can be hard to find a partner, but not as impossible as it seems for him. Nobody ever took so long to find someone.

His announcement has one advantage, though. Kevin starts walking again and mumbles about possible books for Dean to read.

In the end, he gives Dean a very thorough tour and only lets him leave when he has a pile of books in his arms that reaches his chin. By the time he makes it through the corridors and back to his room, his muscles are screaming under the weight.

He lets the books fall onto his bed and takes a moment just to breathe before he sorts them into his shelf. Some of the titles don't even make sense to him, but Kevin promised he'd get there after a while.

Dean probably should have mentioned that this kind of reading isn't exactly his thing. He can push through a novel in no time, but only if he likes the story. Studying is more Sam's cup of tea. But Sam's not here.

Dean sighs deeply and takes the first book. Kevin said it has all the basics, and it might be a good idea for Dean to know what he even does. Maybe it helps him understand what he's asking from a dreamcatcher.

He manages to get through the first five chapters before his stomach protests. After dinner, he tries his best to read the next one as well, but his tryouts with the dreamcatchers demanded more from him than he thought. It only takes a few minutes till he falls into a deep sleep.


	5. Sammy Insane

_Fantastic dreams amuse my brain,_  
_And waft my spirit home again:_  
_Though captive all day long, ‘tis true,_  
_At night I am as free as you._  
_\- James Montgomery_

* * *

 

 

Sam lies down, closes his eyes and does his best to breathe calmly. He tries to make the best use of the few minutes of peace his keepers give him.

They haven't let him sleep. Whenever he drifts off, the bright lights above him light up, and music comes from one corner of the room. A while later the room gets dark and silent again, and most of the time, small night lights are burning all over the room and in the small adjacent bathroom.

They feed him, but it's breakfast food, lunch, and sometimes even deserts in a weird pattern. By now, Sam lost all sense of time. He can't even say how long he's been here, and he still doesn't know what they even want from him.

The two men who bring is meals don't say a word and the other person he meets, Crowley, only talks gibberish. By now, Sam is sure that the man has delusions. He insists that Sam was a dream weaver, whatever that means, and that they needed to train him.

Sam has told him over and over again that he was no such thing, but the man can't be persuaded. Whenever Sam makes a good argument how insane Crowley was, his keeper leaves again, only to return when Sam almost fell asleep. This time is no different.

"Hello Sammy, why don't the two of us have a little talk?" Crowley's scratching voice echoes through the room and startles Sam out of his haze.

With a little effort, he sits up on his makeshift bed and rubs his burning eyes. "Look, how often do you want me to tell you? I don't have special powers. If you don't believe me, ask my brother, ask my friends, teachers, anybody. I've never done anything special in my whole life."

Of course, Sam has said the same words over and over again, but Crowley doesn't believe him and Sam has grown tired of coming up with other arguments. Maybe repetition is the key to success.

Crowley smiles. "Funny that you mention your brother. You know, Dean is way more cooperative than you are."

That makes Sam strain his ears. In the beginning, he constantly asked about Dean, but they've never told him anything. It's the first time Crowley mentions him.

"You talked to him?" he asks hopefully, eager to get any information out of Crowley.

"As a matter of fact, I did. And he wants you to get your shit together and work with us so that he can go home."

"He believes you?"

Crowley lifts his hands like there's no question there and Sam can't help but smile. He spent almost every waking hour of his life with his brother, and Dean is neither a believer in unnatural things nor very forthcoming when somebody tells him to do something. "Fine, you want me to work with you? Get my brother in here. I want to hear it from him."

A shadow flashes over Crowley's face before he gets back to his mask of arrogance and self-confidence. "I just told you what he said. This is not Camp Holiday. You can see your brother when you do as I say. If I decide you've done well."

"Oh, I'm not going to do anything." Sam leans back against the wall, stretching his legs on the bed. "Because you don't have my brother. In fact, I don't think you've ever met my brother."

Crowley huffs. "You think I'm bluffing? Are you sure you want to play this game?"

"Sure, let's play. Because I know you're lying. Which also means that my brother is out there somewhere looking for me. Between the two of us, I'm not the one with the problem."

Sam crosses his arms, lets his chin sink to his chest and closes his eyes. No matter how much music they play and how bright the light is, he knows that at least his brother is safe. This is as good a time as any to get some shut eye. Crowley turns around without a word and leaves the room. Sam can hear the lock in the door, but otherwise, there's silence. After a few minutes, even the lights dim down, and for the first time since he's been captured, Sam gets a full night's rest.


	6. My Brother Is What?

_Dreams are the answer to questions that we haven’t yet figured out how to ask._  
_\- Fox Mulder_

* * *

 

Dean's night's rest doesn't last very long. At around 4 am he wakes up, drenched in sweat. He dreamed about Sam again, and his brother's worried face is haunting him when he's awake.

Not sure about the whereabouts of his roomies, he carefully makes his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. There are dim night lights along the corridors, but everything else is dark and quiet. For a moment, he contemplates to go to the Nest afterward but decides against it. Instead, he walks to Castiel's room. He offered him to hang out there after all, and maybe it's a good idea to check it out when nobody else is around.

The door to Castiel's room stands ajar, and Dean peeks inside to be sure that its resident didn't come back. When he's sure he's alone, he switches on the light and closes the door behind him.

Castiel's quarters are bigger and more homely than his own. There's one wall consisting of only shelves full of books. A large bed and a wooden desk occupy the rest of the room. It's one of those you need five men for to carry it even an inch and that's after you cleared off all the chunk.

Dean sits down and takes his time to study it all. Snow globes, porcelain angels, and little clay animals, but also tiny boxes, folded papers, and something indefinable made out of office supplies. It looks like the collection of a school kid who likes to tinker with their friends.

The rest of the table hosts something more to Dean's liking. A laptop. Dean starts it up and soon looks at a surprising background picture. It's a black kitten with blue eyes, peeking out of the pocket of what looks like Castiel's trench coat. Dean tries to imagine the guy with a little cat in his arms, but can't quite picture it.

Filing it as a mystery for another day, Dean moves on. He ignores any folders and opens the browser instead. For a moment, he's tempted to take the edge off with a little anime porn but decides against it. Hanging out in Castiel's room is okay, what he just thought about is not.

He thinks about checking his emails instead, but the page won't open, and when he tries to test the internet connection, he's asked for a password. Of course. Ash and Charlie probably have a close eye on their activity to make sure they stay secret. Dean understands, but still sighs. Without the internet, this little gem he just found is useless again.

Dean's other option is the bookshelf. It houses some good work he knows, but he's not in the mood to reread something. In the end, he picks a book that promises an apocalyptic fight between angels and demons. At first, he's very intrigued by the main character, a fallen angel who's cut off from heaven and tries to find his way in the human world. But then the point of view changes to the bad guys and soon after the book sinks lower and lower till it rests on Dean's chest, and his head finds comfort on a blue pillow with little bees on it.

Dean wakes up with his heart beating like a drum and blood rushing through his veins. He takes a few deep breaths and notices a presence next to him. It's Castiel, enveloped in his trench coat, sitting on the bed with his back to Dean.

Following Dean's sudden movement, he turns around and watches him over his shoulder. "What were you dreaming about?"

At first, Dean wants to give him an earful about invading his privacy when he remembers where he is. It's him who should apologize. "I'm sorry, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall asleep again. Your room seemed more entertaining than mine."

Castiel furrows his eyebrows, not sure what to do with that information. He stands up and fully turns to Dean. "You didn't answer my question."

Dean counts that as an 'apology accepted' and tries to remember said question. "Uhm, I think it was about Sam. Every time I fall asleep, I see him. It looks like he's trying to talk to me, but I can't hear him."

"Don't you take the dream suppressant?"

"I do. Anna gave me my weekly ration yesterday. Why?"

He already knows that Castiel has this intense gaze sometimes like he's reading the people he looks at, but it's nothing compared to the way he stares at him now. There's something on his mind, and he seems worried. "You should tell Chuck about this."

Dean moves to the edge of the bed and rubs his face, trying to finally leave his dreams behind and catch on with the real world. "Why? What's the big deal?"

Castiel still watches him like a wild animal. "You shouldn't be dreaming."

"I thought the suppressant just keeps me from dream walking."

"It does. But one of the side effects is not dreaming at all. You need to tell Chuck."

"Fine, I will. First thing. I promise." Dean gets a satisfied nod from Castiel and smiles. "You care for some breakfast?"

"I already ate."

Of course. Superman Castiel probably saved the world twice today. "What are you even doing here? Haven't you been on a mission or something?"

"All done. I was about to head out again, but Chuck asked me to find a few more dream catchers. You seem to go through them very quickly."

Dean sighs. "I tried man. I have a stack of books in my room about dream walking, and yesterday I made myself do all kinds of things with my head, but it didn't work out."

"What is your issue?"

"I guess the most people feel like Gabriel. They just don't- I don't know. Like my mind?"

Castiel nods. "The bond can be difficult. The more profound it is, the better. But even a light connection can be frightening."

For the first time, Dean wonders why Castiel even has a link to the libs. It can't be for his planning skills alone. "How come you know so much about this?"

"I grew up with it. As a child, I didn't know there were people without these skills." Dean would love to hear more about little Cas because he can't imagine him any younger than now. Castiel doesn't give him a chance to ask, though. "I'll be in the library. Maybe I can find something to help you."

He leaves the room and Dean behind, who heads for the shower. If he's about to have another day like yesterday, he should prepare himself.

After the shower and a quick breakfast, Dean makes his way to the Nest again. He runs into a few unknown faces on the way but gets a lot of smiles and the information where to find Chuck. He's in the computer room talking with Ash and Charlie, but they go silent when he enters. "A good morning to you all."

"Morning, Dean."

Chuck gives him his usual nervous smile, and Ash just nods, but Charlie beams at him. "Morning, friend. Just the man we were looking for."

Dean takes a few more steps into the room and watches the room behind the glass. "Why? You got more candidates for me?"

Chuck clears his throat, his eyes also traveling to the empty room. "Uhm, no. That's what we wanted to tell you. We haven't prepared for- I mean, we didn't think it would be so hard to find a partner for you. We've contacted almost everybody we know, but it might take them a while to get here."

It's disappointing, but Dean knows it can't be helped. At least there are more coming. He started to fear the day when there won't be anybody left. "Okay, no problem. I'll just wait then."

"Oh, uhm, okay." Finally, there's a sincere smile on Chuck's face, and he's about to turn away when a few newcomers arrive.

Jo storms through the door, heading straight for a table in the other corner of the room. There's a map spread out, and she marks a spot on it with a black sharpie. Ellen follows her into the room, and unlike her, she acknowledges Dean. "Good morning, Dean."

He gives her a nod and smiles. "Ellen."

Made aware of his presence, Jo turns around. "Oops, didn't see you there. Not an early riser, are you?"

Ellen rolls her eyes at Jo and gives Dean a look that's supposed to apologize for her daughter's not existing manners. "Did you sleep okay? I know the old beds aren't exactly comfortable."

It might be a little weird to admit that he slept in Castiel's bed, so Dean just nods. "It was okay. It's just that-" The pause in his words makes everybody look at him now and Dean wonders if he should tell Chuck in confidence. But then again, it's nothing he has to hide. "I'm dreaming despite the suppressants, and Cas thought I should tell you."

The room goes quiet, and for once, Chuck isn't mumbling but turns to Ash. "Could you get Anna?"

Ash puts his headset on and nods while Chuck turns back to Dean. "What are you dreaming about?"

"My brother."

"Anything else?"

It feels a little like Dean is back in the interrogation room and Dr. Edlund is speaking to him. It's the same carefully placed questions that just seem random. "No, just my brother."

"What does he do?"

"He talks, but I can't hear him. Why? Does this mean anything to you?"

Chuck shrugs his shoulders and turns back to his more nervous self. For the first time, Dean isn't so sure anymore which one is the real Chuck. "It depends on what Anna has to say, but I wouldn't worry about it."

The others take that as a cue to go back to work. Jo and Ellen turn to the map while Ash and Charlie put their keyboards to use again, and Chuck fumbles with a few papers on the table until Anna arrives. She comes in with a smile. "What's the emergency?"

Her head turns to Dean, and he's not sure if he should be insulted, but Chuck takes her attention away. "I just wanted to check in with you about the suppressants for Dean. It might not be enough."

Anna laughs. "Not enough? I was thinking about lowering the dosage. If I give him more, he'll probably stop dreaming forever."

This time, Dean doesn't wait for Chuck to speak for him. "But I am dreaming."

Anna's eyes travel back and forth between him and their leader. "What about?"

"Why the hell is everybody asking this? What does it matter?"

Chuck walks up to him, raising a hand to calm him down. "It doesn't. I'm sure that you dreaming about Sam is just a little mix up with the dosage. Anna will check your blood and correct it. Right?"

The smile Anna forces on her face is false, and her nod way too confident. "Of course. It wouldn't be the first time we're a little off track. No problem."

"Good, good. Then that's it for now. Do you need anything else, Dean?"

For a moment, Dean just wants to hit him. They are so obviously lying to him that he doesn't understand why they even try. Something is wrong here, and it concerns either him or his brother. Maybe both. He needs to know what.

But he learned his lesson in his time here. Chuck doesn't want him to know, and for some reason, the others go along with what he says. There's only one option left for him now. He claps his hands together, making himself look at ease. "Nope, I'm good. I'll just head to the library. Kevin mentioned a book yesterday that I want to check out. Let me know if you need me."

"Of course." He gets more forced smiles from around the room and trying very hard not to punch anything Dean heads to the library.

It's quiet inside. Kevin lifts his head when Dean walks through the door but gets back to his book as soon as he realizes that Dean is okay on his own. He checks row after row until he finds Castiel in an absent corner.

He's so caught up in his book, something about 'the resurrection of the Fallen", that he doesn't notice Dean. He clears his throat to get Castiel's attention and speaks in a low voice. "Sorry Cas, can I talk to you?"

Castiel places the book on the table and gets up. "Not here." He moves to a door at the end of the row and waves him through. The room behind it is marvelous. There's a real fireplace in between two huge armchairs. Comfortable sofas, chairs, and a few tables fill the rest of the chamber.

"Freaking spy movie."

"What?" Castiel focuses his interrogating look at Dean, who immediately shrugs.

"Nothing. I have a question."

Castiel nods and moves over to the chairs. Dean feels incredibly weird when he takes his place opposite of Castiel but has to admit that it's a pleasant atmosphere to talk. "What do you want to know, Dean?"

Dean can't shake the feeling that Castiel has been waiting for this moment and assumed that he wants to know much more than one question. He should make good use of that. "I talked to Chuck about the dreams. I can't say I like the answer."

He hopes for Castiel to give something away, but the other man just nods. "Chuck knows pain a lot better than most people here. He tries to protect us all. So far I wasn't able to convince him of the impossibility of this endeavor."

"I don't want him to protect me. I want him to tell me the truth. All of them know. Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Ash. You should have seen Anna's face when I said that I dream despite the suppressants. There's something they're not telling me. About my brother. About me. I need to know, Cas."

Castiel watches the flames, and Dean fears he might have hit the next obstacle, but then Cas starts talking. "Dream walkers are the most common liberi somniorum, next to the dream catchers. Dream readers are rarer, but their existence is widely known. There's another rare type of libs, though. Dream wreckers."

Taking into account that most of the names pretty much describe what the different libs do, Dean can imagine what Cas is trying to explain. "That doesn't sound too good."

"It's not. This type of lib is mainly found in the ranks of our enemies. It's less a given gift, but more trained. The purpose is to throw dream walkers or dream catchers off; make them fall. It gives you an idea what our enemies are after. Fear. Control. Power."

Dean can't shake the feeling that this is a freaking movie. Or even worse, a dream from which he can't escape. "And what has that to do with my dreams?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to give you more information about this whole situation you fell into."

"Alice in Wonderland, huh?"

Castiel tilts his head to the side, squinting at him. "Who's Alice?"

From everything Dean heard from Cas so far, this is by far the worst. And the most unbelievable. "Alice, the girl who falls into the rabbit hole?"

"I highly doubt that a girl can fit into the entrance of a rabbit hole. Are you sure about this, Dean?"

Dean can't help but laugh. Cas is serious about this. It's beyond Dean how anybody can not know about the story, especially a reader, but nobody is perfect. "Forget about it. It's just a story. Please continue. What else should I know?"

He can see that Castiel still tries to figure out the puzzle with the girl in the small hole, but then he shakes his head. "What I'm trying to tell you is also just a story. A myth. Some people believe that there's another kind of lib out there, the rarest of them all. Others think that it doesn't exist."

"What kind?" Burning with curiosity, Dean is sitting on the edge of his chair now. He's feeling like a child who gets excited about a ghost story, and oddly enough, Castiel's face glimmers in the dim light of the fire.

"They are called dream weavers. If the stories were true, they would be able to change their dreams and those of others. When you keep in mind that what you dream can become a reality, they would be able to shape it. They could change everything in existence, force their will on everybody and everything. They'd be unstoppable."

"Okay, I've heard a lot of weird stuff since I'm here, but that? You don't believe that, right?" For a moment, Dean's sure about it, but Castiel keeps studying the flames. "Come on, Cas. Tell me that's nonsense."

There's the hint of a smile on Cas' face that gives Dean the chills. "I've never believed it, but I know you're not lying about your dreams. I'm sure the others came to the same conclusion I did. I think that Sam is a dream weaver and that he's trying to reach out to you. It would also explain why they took just him and not you as well. Having a dream weaver on their side would change everything."

Dean's not sure he can breathe. His brother a dream weaver, the most powerful kind of all libs.

From one second to the other, he loses control over his body. His feet just move on their own, carrying him out of the room in a rush. He's running through the library and bursts into the tech room, stopping the ongoing conversation in there.

He didn't plan on hurting anybody, but he grabs Chuck by the collar, throwing him against the next wall, and his voice just explodes. "You son of a bitch! When did you plan on telling me about my brother?! What were you planning to do with him, huh? Getting him back so you can ask him some of your unique questions, Dr. Edlund?!"

Chuck doesn't get a word out; he's too busy with being afraid. He only manages to lift his hands up in a calming gesture while the others stare at Dean in shock. But he's not done yet. He won't stop until he finally gets his answers. His next words sound more like a growl than anything else. "You better answer me or your migraines will be child's play compared to what I'm going to do to you."

There's still no answer from Chuck despite troubled breathing, but suddenly the atmosphere in the room changes and Dean knows why. He can feel Cas' presence before he hears him speak. "Let him go, Dean."

The others look back and forth between them, but Dean has no intention of giving up. "I'm not done yet."

"You will be if you don't let him go."

Dean knows it's a stupid power play, and they both sound like they're playing a part in a bad gangster movie. Still, he can't shake the feeling that Cas means business. And so far he hasn't lied about anything. It might not be a good idea to test him.

He lets go of Chuck but doesn't move an inch. "Talk. Now."

Chuck makes a whistling sound and takes a few short breaths before he can speak. "I'm sorry, Dean. We were just trying to protect you."

"You know what? Don't. I'm a grown man, okay? I took care of my brother for years. I'm the one who should protect him. But now he's god knows where and instead of helping me, you keep lying to me. Right now, Cas is the only one I trust. You better tell me everything you know right now, or I'm out of here."

Chuck's eyes widen with fear. "I told you, you can't go. If they capture you-"

"Don't worry. I won't tell anybody about your little club here."

Cas walks up to them and takes his place next to Chuck like a bodyguard. "He's not talking about us. You can consider yourself lucky they didn't take you as well. We don't even know if that was intentional. Maybe you've been somewhere else; perhaps you fended them off in your dream state. We can't be sure. And they might still want to take you if only to get you back to the police and let you take the fall for Sam's abduction."

"Yeah, guess what? I don't care."

"You should. If you care at all about your brother, we are your best chance."

Dean knows Cas is right. He's just used to doing things on his own, and he hates to rely on people who can't even be honest with him. Cas is watching him, and when Dean doesn't answer, he turns to Chuck. "Tell him."

"What? Why? What should I tell him?"

"Everything. Dean's right. It's his brother, and he deserves to know."

Chuck nods, but he doesn't look convinced at all. "Okay, but you won't like that."

Dean huffs. "I don't like THIS. I doubt it can get any worse."

With a sigh, Chuck moves over to the table with the map and sinks into one of the chairs. "We suspect a particular group of people to be your brother's abductors. We call them Saytens because their leader is Luke Sayten.

We've been at war with them for years, and we can't manage to get ahead of them. There have been rumors that Crowley, one of Luke's underlings, was looking for someone special. Someone with outstanding abilities. A person that we would call a dream weaver. They've been laying low for a long while and then they took your brother which led us to believe that he's the certain someone."

So now there is some bad guy group? Dean feels more and more like he's in a bad movie. "Can't you be sure?"

"Well, actually, you might be helpful. You know now what you might be able to do. Do you think that your brother had abilities as well?"

Dean wants to say no, but the more he thinks about it, the more little pieces in his mind fall into place. "We sometimes joked that he was psychic. He had dreamed stuff before it happened, like visions. And a few times we felt like we had similar dreams."

Whatever he just said, it makes Ellen and Jo move closer to them, and Dean can feel all eyes on him. Chuck sits up straighter on his chair. "How similar?"

"Up until now I thought they were similar, but you are going to tell me that we had the same dream, right?"

Chuck smiles apologetically. "It's possible. Both of you might have remembered things you've done together in the dream state. You probably were tired in the morning although you knew you had enough sleep. People mentioned that they saw you while you thought they couldn't have. A lot of us have been there, Dean."

"Then tell me what they're going to do to him, and don't bullshit me!"

"As far as we know, even dream weavers need a dream catcher for their walks. We assume that they'll try to find a partner for your brother and start to train him. If he even goes along with it. Look, Dean, this is a good thing. He's special to them. They won't hurt him, and depending on your brother's willingness to go along with their plans, we have time."

"But?" Dean is no idiot. Despite the good news, he doesn't sound too happy.

"So far we have no idea where they're holding Sam. We checked their usual meeting places, but it's like they're hiding. I've never seen them that cautious. They want to keep your brother."

"And what about my dreams? Why do I see him?"

Chuck looks around for a moment like he waits for one of the others to chip in and shrugs when there's silence. "We don't know. The simple idea of an actual dream weaver was unthinkable up until now. We don't know anything about them. I'm not sure if you just see your brother, because you want to or if he actively tries to contact you. We can only guess."

"Okay, fine. And what's the plan to get Sam back?"

Convinced that Dean won't bite anymore, Jo waves him closer. "Maybe you want to take a look. We're trying to collect all the places your brother has been before his abduction and crosscheck it with the known hangouts of the Saytens. If something pops up, Charlie and Ash can check for surveillance and all that other computer stuff."

Charlie laughs. "Hey, it wouldn't be the first time that we catch the bad guy because he's stupid enough to pay his coffee with a credit card."

Dean walks over to the map and reaches out to take the sharpie from Jo. "You want places to check? I'll give you some."

 


	7. Charlie 01

_Between the dream of night and day there is not so great a difference._  
_\- Carl Jung_

* * *

 

 

Over the next few days, Dean has to admire Charlie's and Ash's determination. He went to town on that map, marking every spot Sam has ever been to or even thought about visiting. The two of them check and crosscheck everything, and he gets a headache when Ash tries to explain their work in more detail.

Meanwhile, Dean keeps himself busy with pretty much everything you can do in the bunker. He annoys a few people with it, but he just can't stand still. One time at lunch, the conversation turns to cars, and as soon as Ellen realizes that Dean doesn't just drive a nice car, but also knows what's under the hood, she drags him to the garage.

He spends hours there, helping Ellen to work on the transporter they use for their shopping trips, and missing his baby. They even get themselves instructions to fix a motorcycle that's been wasting away there for years. Dean is painfully reminded of all the times he spent with his Dad working on the Impala. He's been so little back then, but already determined to become the best mechanic the world has ever seen. Funny how that turned out.

When word gets out that Dean is quite good with his hands, he hasn't much free time for a while. Bobby drags him around the whole bunker to finally fix all the little flaws that presented themselves over the years. It's hard work, but at least Bobby comes to respect him as someone who gets his hands dirty when necessary. And Dean has to admit that he takes a liking to all the people around him.

A special case is Cassie. She finds him one night when he woke up from a particularly disturbing dream about Sam and wanders around the corridors. He's not too fond of her idea to finally visit the armory, but at least it's something to do. Oddly enough, it becomes one of his favorite places. His understanding of mechanics helps him to work with the weapons. He learns to take them apart and put them back together with ease.

The actual shooting is different, though. At first, Dean lacks the desire to try. Only when Cassie explains that the Saytens won't hesitate to put a bullet in him, he sees the necessity of it. Now every time he has problems with firing his gun, he tries to remember Sam's blood in the van and the torn off piece of clothing. It makes putting holes in dummies a lot easier.

What increases his interest, even more, is the fact that he's splendid at it. Cassie even calls him a natural. She gets excited about the thought of him shooting in the dream state, but that's the one thing he still can't handle. He spends time in the library, helps out all around the bunker and enchants everybody with 'the best burgers they've ever had', but for the life of him, he can't find a dream catcher.

Gabriel started reaching out to a few friends to find someone, and Cas even leaves the bunker to visit allies who are so far off the grid that even Charlie and Ash can't get to them. At night when Dean can't sleep, he tries to think about Cas and how he might succeed. Kevin gave him a book about positive thinking and how it can influence the vibration in the cosmos. Or something like that. It's supposed to make your wishes come true, so Dean tries to wish for a dream catcher.

But in the end, it does only one thing. Dean misses Cas. He's not even sure why, but he feels more in control when the man is near. Maybe because Castiel was his backup in the first days in the bunker, or probably because Dean spends way too much time in his room. He still blames it on the fact that his accommodation lacks entertainment, but the truth is that everything in here reminds Dean of Cas.

The books and colors provide a calming atmosphere while the junk on the desk sparks his creativity. One time Dean finds himself staring at the background picture of the laptop for a few minutes without doing anything else. Opposite to his one, Castiel's bed is so comfortable that Dean dreads Cas' return, and driven by curiosity Dean goes through the drawers in the desk.

He finds a quill and ink, thick stationery and a seal for letters. It shows wings surrounding a star, and Dean wonders if Cas just kept this stuff or if he's using it. Either way, he can imagine him roaming around a peddlers market, getting excited about little figurines. It's quirky, but at the same time adorable.

Dean can't help but think that Sam and Castiel would get along very well. The thought hurts, but Dean tries to keep it in his mind. They'll get there. He has to believe it. They'll bring Sammy home, and he'll show him the weird stuff all around the bunker, and watch the look of pure pleasure on his face when he walks into the library for the first time.

The first glimpse of hope presents itself after a week. Dean is spread out on Castiel's bed and reads his new favorite book. The angel is about to attack an opponent when Anna storms into the room. "There you are!"

Dean lifts the book as a weak attempt to explain why he can't read in his room, but Anna doesn't care. "Come on; we have a lead."

She storms out again, and Dean leaves the book on the bed and runs after her. When they reach the tech room, Dean can hear Gabriel's voice. "... get a visual and follow them. Is Castiel back?"

Ash answers him. "Nope. I expected him yesterday, but you know how he is."

Anna and Dean walk into the room before Gabriel can answer, and he just shrugs. "I'd say we take four and make two teams. I'll be with my blond goddess. Who else?"

Charlie jumps up from her chair and taps Ash's shoulder. "Ash can manage the base camp, and I'll go with you, but that leaves an open spot. Maybe we should try to reach Castiel again?"

Before they can make any more decisions, Dean interrupts. "Guys, what's even going on?"

Ash brings up a few pictures and the live feed of a camera on one of his monitors. "We spotted two of Luke's guys. A little bird told us they've been hanging out at the same place a few times. And they overheard them talking about a ' big guy' they've been holding somewhere. Sound like your brother?"

"Awesome, let's go and check it out." Dean heads to the door, but Gabriel holds him back and laughs.

"Easy, tiger. WE are going to check it out. You stay here. I'm all for reckless, but handing you over to the enemy is just stupid."

Dean wants to object, but Anna cuts him off. "And you're still wanted by the police. It's just recon; I can do it."

"Yeah, redhead power!" Charlie throws an arm around her and smiles. "They won't know what hit them."

Gabriel watches the two of them for a moment before he shakes his head and leaves the room with a sigh. "Don't give me ideas."

Anna and Charlie follow him and bluntly ignore Dean's objections who turns to Ash in utter frustration. "What the hell just happened? I should be out there looking for my brother."

Ash taps the chair next to him and smiles. "Just sit, you can manage the monitors with me. It's just a first step, after all, we don't even know if your brother is anywhere near that place. To be honest, I doubt it."

After staring at the monitor for minutes, Dean occupies himself with a stupid game. There's nothing to see for now, and they have to wait till their team is actually in sight. He's been asking Ash about Luke's guys, but they don't know much about them. They might not even be libs. They Saytens have a lot of goons working for them, probably counting on the advantage of numbers.

By the time Dean feels like he can't dissolve any more bubbles, no matter what color they are, there's finally a sound over their headset. "Crow's nest, this is Charlie One, over."

Ash taps his headset and answers in the same manner. "Hey there, Charlie One, hearing you loud and clear."

Laughter is coming from the other side. "This is so great; it's been forever that I could say that. Red is with me; we're heading to the checkpoint."

"Copy that, Charlie One." Holding a hand over his mic, Ash leans over to Dean. "She's fond of the nickname."

Dean just nods and another voice chips in. "This is Trickster. Betty and I are going in. No visual so far."

"Trickster?"

Dean voices the word and Ash just shrugs while he speaks into the microphone. "I hear you, partner. We'll try to keep an eye on you."

He types away on his keyboard and brings up different camera feeds. Dean can see a busy street, but it's a weird angle like he's looking out of a building. Another one shows the outside of another house with small windows. Ash sighs. "Listen up, guys. We can't get a look inside. They don't have cameras in the bar. And the view from outside sucks. You're on your own. Stay in contact."

"Roger that."

"We'll keep you updated."

Dean can feel his inside's turning. He doesn't like this at all. "What is happening?"

At first, he gets no answer because Ash has the balls to munch chips. He swallows and shrugs apologetically. "There's nothing we can do for now. They'll just check out the bar, see if they find our targets, and follow them if possible."

It's quiet for a while, and Dean uses all his willpower to keep himself in the chair until they can hear Charlie again. She's barely audible with music playing in the background, and Dean assumes she's whispering. "Nothing at our end. But I think a little something is going on in the back."

With a crackle in the line, Gabriel tunes in. "Yeah, they're busy bees over there. We'll check it out. Stay put."

There's silence again, and Dean hopes that everything goes alright when Charlie comes back on. "Sorry man, I'm just heading out."

"Is she talking to us?" Dean presses the headset harder onto his ears like that makes any difference, and Ash shakes his head.

"Look, there." He points to the external camera, and they can see Charlie walking away from the bar. "I think someone came on to her, and she split."

"But where's Anna?"

They stare at the monitors and Charlie speaks again when she's around the corner. "That stupid guy wouldn't go away; I became too obvious. I signaled Anna to get out; she should be on her way."

"Negative, we have no visual."

For a moment, Charlie stops, but then she moves on, out of their field of vision. "Give her a moment. I'll head back to the checkpoint to meet her there. Let me know if you see her."

"Roger that." Ash moves the camera around, trying to get a glimpse into the bar after all, but they can only see poorly lit shapes. "Trickster, report?"

There's a little pause, but then Gabriel answers. "We have one of the guys. He's on the move. I think there's a back door. We try to stick with him."

"Do you see Red?"

"Negative. Last confirmed position is empty."

With a sigh, Ash sinks back into his chair. "Where is she?"

Dean keeps his eyes fixed on the monitor and startles Ash when he finally spots her. "There! She's leaving the bar. Come on, go to Charlie."

Ash sits up straight again, staring at Anna like the two of them can make her move at will. "What is she waiting for?"

In his mind, Dean keeps begging her to go to Charlie, but she turns the other way and moves along the street. "No, what is she doing? Can you find her?"

"Give me a second." Ash types away on his keyboard, going through some cameras in the area. They get a glimpse of Anna for a second, but she's gone again a moment later. Instead, there's a guy in a dark jacket and Ash curses. "Fuck, I know him. It's one of the guys we've been looking for. He's a Sayten."

"Does he know her?"

"I don't think so, but he's following her. Keep walking, girl." The cameras switch again and again, and Dean can hear a quiet click when Ash changes the channel on their headphones. "Charlie One, what's your status?"

"I'm at the checkpoint, waiting for Red."

"Red left the bar; we're trying to find her. She has a tail."

"I'll try to get to- Shit! I can't move. There's a whole pack of these guys at the entrance. I don't have a way around."

One of the cameras goes back to the bar and Ash sighs. "Man, we're hitting every bump on the road. Stay put; we don't need any more trouble."

Charlie agrees, but they can barely hear her over a ring in their headphones. Ash immediately answers it. "It's Crow's nest, who's there?"

"Ash, it's me." It's Anna, out of breath and with the sounds of cars in the background. "I overheard some guys in the bar after Charlie left. They were talking about holding someone and the name Crowley. I lingered for a second too long, and I think one of them got suspicious. He's following me."

"I know, we saw him. But he's not engaging, so let's assume he's not sure who you are. Just act natural, and we find a point to get you out. Charlie can't get to you right now. Tell me where you are."

"Uhm, Berty's copy shop, there's a bookstore, Miller & Bart. And a restaurant at the corner, I can't see the name."

Ash's fingers fly over the keyboard so fast, Dean's not sure how that's even humanly possible, and just a few seconds later they get a glimpse at Anna again. Ash grins at Dean. "Gotta love Big Brother. Anna, go left at the restaurant and take the second right. There's a big mall coming up. I'm not sure you can shake him, but at least he won't do anything stupid with all those people around. I'll find someone to get you out."

"Okay, I'm on my way."

They can see her walk around the corner and pocketing her phone. Dean admires how she resists the urge to spin around. Instead, she watches the windows of the restaurant. He'd probably turn on the spot and ask the guy what his problem was, even if that would get him in trouble.

Ash follows her with as many cameras as possible while also keeping track of her follower. At least the guy stays a safe distance behind. Maybe they'll be lucky after all, and he'll turn back. Dean keeps watching him instead of Anna to see if he does anything out of the ordinary.

So far, he keeps it just as cool as Anna, looking like he's taking a stroll through the neighborhood. Nevertheless, Dean gets a prickling feeling all over his body. Suddenly he's so nervous that he almost jumps out of his skin when a voice washes over him from behind. "What are you doing?"

Dean is out of his chair, getting in Cas' face in an instant. "Jesus Cas, don't do that!" Castiel's only answer is a frown, and he doesn't move an inch. Instead, he's standing too close and stares at Dean, who feels all tingly again. "We, uhm, have a situation here."

Finally Cas moves. He walks past Dean, brushing against his shoulder with his own, and positioning himself between their chairs. "Tell me."

Ash brings up a map next to the last camera shot he got from Anna. "We had a Sayten location. Gabriel and Jo are following one guy, hopefully leading us to Dean's brother. Charlie and Anna got separated, and-"

Castiel doesn't let him finish. "Anna?"

"You weren't here, man. And I don't have to remind you that she has her own head. She overheard them talk, and now one of them is following her." He points to the map. "I got her into the mall here, but we have to get her out if he doesn't back off."

"I'll get her."

Castiel turns around, but this time, Dean prepared himself. He blocks the door with his whole body. "I'm coming with you."

"No."

Of course, Dean expected that answer. "I was okay when they left me behind, but now it's her ass on the line instead of mine. I don't care if I'm a fugitive, or that they want me. That's a risk I can take."

Castiel takes another step like he's about to walk through Dean. "I'm not talking about risks. I need to get there quickly and get her out. You're simply useless for the task."

That stings a lot more than anything else Dean got to hear. But it wouldn't be the first time that someone underestimated him. "Hey, I can drive, and I can shoot. And if I want to, I'll beat the shit out of the guy."

For a moment, Castiel looks like he questions how the man's shit could be of any help, but Ash interrupts them. "Fuck! He's not alone anymore. I don't know when he called for backup, but there are two more guys. It looks like they're plotting something."

It's probably the wrong thing to do, but Dean smiles at Cas. "Still useless?"

Castiel still doesn't look convinced, but Ash gets up from his chair. "Whatever you do, you have to move now. And Castiel? Anna heard the name, Crowley."

For the first time, there's something like real emotion on Castiel's face, but Dean can't say that he likes it. It's a combination of hate and disgust, and he focuses on Dean. "You can shoot?"

"Cassie taught me."

Castiel puts a hand on Dean's shoulder and shoves him through the door. "Show me!"

They quickly make their way to the shooting stand, and Cas puts up a few targets while Dean readies his gun. He tries to remember as much as possible from practicing with Cassie, and instead of thinking about his brother, he envisions how Anna must feel right now. They have to get to her, and he's dead set on coming with Cas.

"Okay, go!" Castiel moves into the background and gives Dean free reign over the targets.

A minute later, Dean riddled them with bullets, and he can't help but be proud of himself. Not every shot was perfect, but at least he didn't miss. "I guess I'm coming with you then."

Castiel pulls up the targets to take a closer look. "Could be better."

Dean feels anger rise in him but tries to keep his voice down when he turns to Cas. "Are you kidding me? I learned to shoot a few days ago. Then I do this-" He gestures frantically to the targets. "And you have the nerve to tell me that it could be better?"

Castiel just studies his face for a moment and shakes his head. "I didn't criticize your abilities, Dean. I'm just saying you could improve. Here, take the next target."

He walks over and Dean follows him to get this finally over with. What he didn't anticipate were Castiel's hands on him a moment later. Castiel holds Dean's hip steady with one hand and tries to move his shoulder into another position, but Dean shies away. "Whoa, dude! You have no regard for people's personal space. You can't just grab me at will without asking first."

A second later he's embarrassed because he might have overreacted, but Castiel steps away from him. "My apologies. I just intended to show you another way."

"I know, it's fine. Just, ask first."

Dean is just saying it to get out of the awkward situation, but Cas nods. "I'm sorry, Dean. May I touch you to correct your stance?"

"If you say it like that, it sounds like you want to take me to prom."

It's just a stupid joke, but Castiel looks at him in bewilderment. "Dean."

"Okay, touch me. I said it was all right." Dean turns around, taking his usual stance and waits for Castiel to correct him. Cas approaches him much more careful now. His hands always linger in the air before he touches Dean, and he watches his face for a negative reaction.

Like before, he turns Dean a little bit and moves his arms into a straighter line. "Keep your shoulders down and your arms closer. You want to keep steady once you found your position."

"I feel like I'm squeezed in a box."

"I'm sorry, but you're not here to take a nap. Your comfort is not the point." As if to prove his words, he moves in a little closer and almost leans on Dean. "Take a breath, aim, hold your breath, make sure you're still on target and shoot."

Dean follows his instructions but gets a little sidetracked when he realizes how close Cas is. His face is right next to Dean's, and Dean suppresses the urge to turn his head and look at Castiel.

"Even I can see that you're way off target." Castiel leans in even closer like he's the one to aim the gun. When he helps Dean to correct the destination route, even their faces touch. He feels the light scratch of Castiel's stubble on his scruffy cheeks. It sounds like lighting a match, and there's a sudden heat on his skin.

Castiel doesn't seem to be aware of it. Instead, he tries to steady Dean's arm. "Dean, what are you doing?"

He moves away to look at Dean, and this time, Dean follows him with his gaze. "You've been a little close."

It's more of a statement than an accusation, but Castiel's cheeks show a shade of red and Dean doesn't think it's from their little rubbing session. "I'll stay over here."

Dean laughs. "Yeah, that might be a good idea."

Castiel nods and Dean turns around and tries to focus on the instructions he got. Breathing, aiming, shooting. In which order? He closes his eyes for a moment, remembering the picture of Anna followed by the Sayten, and when he opens his eyes, he feels like he sees more clearly. His hands are calm, and the targets are closer than before. For the first time, the gun appears to be fully under his control, and he empties the clip into the bull's eye of the target.

Dean's just staring at it, surprised by himself, until Castiel comes closer again and looks over his shoulder. "Told you. Let's go."

 


	8. Hit The Mall

_All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream._  
_\- Edgar Allen Poe_

* * *

 

 

When they leave, Castiel grabs a gun for himself and heads back to Ash to get them devices for their communication. Meanwhile, Dean rushes to his room to grab a jacket. The authorities might be okay with him running around the mall with a gun, but he'll look way too obvious for Sayten's goons.

He puts the gun behind his back into the waistband of his jeans and hopes that the jacket would conceal it good enough for the critical eyes of his new brother in arms. Dean just found out that one reason why Castiel runs around it a freaking trench coat is what he wears under it. He has a gun holster bound around his leg, and Dean's not sure if he wants to know what else Castiel has hidden there.

He also changes from his sneakers to his work boots and makes his way to the garage to meet with Castiel. When Dean arrives, Castiel is already there. To Dean's horror, he sits on the motorcycle he and Ellen have been working on a few days ago. "Do you want to drive that?"

Castiel hands him an earpiece and a helmet and furrows his brows. "Why wouldn't I?"

"We just fixed this."

"I know. Very good timing. Bobby and Ellen always take the van for their shopping trips, a few others headed out earlier, and Gabriel must have taken the last car. We would be stuck here if it wasn't for this baby."

Dean needs a moment to catch his breath. Castiel looks like a freaking tax accountant in his suit and trenchcoat, and now he's suddenly into bikes? "Baby? What are you? A Hell's Angel?"

Tilting his head to the side, Castiel seems to think about it. "An angel from hell doesn't make much sense to me." Before Dean can question him if he's serious about this, Castiel lets his hands run over the handlebars. "It's been a while since I drove on of these."

Dean can't hold in a quiet laugh. Castiel, the biker. And he thought it couldn't get any weirder. "I'm glad you enjoy a little cruising, but I'm not sure how long your Baby will last."

Again, Castiel watches him like he says the most peculiar things. "You just told me you fixed it."

"Yes, but with a manual. And I don't know much about bikes."

Castiel puts in his earpiece and reaches for his helmet. "I trust in your abilities, Dean. You might want to do the same." Unable to answer that, Dean just stands there and stares at him until Castiel puts on his helmet and taps the seat behind him. "Either you get on, or I'll go without your."

With a little curse, Dean puts on his helmet and takes his place behind Castiel, who immediately starts the engine. When Dean feels like he's ready to go, he taps Castiel's shoulder. "Okay, go."

A second later, he regrets those words. Either Castiel is a little rusty when it comes to his driving skills or the machine just has too much power, but in any case, Dean almost falls off. Instead of holding on to the handholds on the bike, he throws his arms around Castiel's waist and clings to his back like a monkey.

Castiel stops, putting up his ventail, and turning back to him. "You're okay?"

Dean realizes he's still holding onto Castiel, probably much tighter than he has to. "Yeah, I didn't think you'll speed off like the Flash." He lets go of Castiel to hold on to the handholds again. "I'm sorry for grabbing you."

"It's okay. I don't mind you touching me." The words make perfect sense in their current situation, but Dean gets a little flustered and doesn't know what to answer. Instead, Castiel turns around again. "And I would feel better if I can be sure that you won't fall off."

"Just-" Dean carefully places his arms around Castiel' waist again. "Go easy."

"When I lean to one side, go with me. And don't let go. Never let go."

He closes his ventail again, and Dean wants to make a snarky comment because Castiel always sounds overdramatic, but for the next few minutes, he's unable to speak.

The bunker sits a few miles outside of town, and when they leave the garage, there's just open road ahead. After a short period of testing how well the bike does, Castiel lets it rip, and Dean takes his earlier advice to heart. He's holding on as tight as possible and sends silent prayers heavenwards.

By the time they reach the city, he regrets his decision to come along. He assumed that Castiel would slow down when they got into more traffic, but he keeps driving like a total maniac. Dean has no other choice but to heed Castiel's instruction and move with him like they're one person. It works pretty well, and sometimes Dean seems to know where Castiel want to go before he does it. It's still one of the worst bike rides Dean has ever experienced.

At the mall, he feels wobbly and puts in his earpiece before he follows Castiel to the entrance. "Crow's nest, are you there?"

"Sure thing, got you loud and clear, Hunter."

Ash sounds very pleased with himself, but Dean stops in his tracks. "Hunter?"

"Yeah, because you're hunting your brother. Or better, the people who got him. You get it?"

Dean can't answer because Castiel's voice cuts in. "We're taking the east side entrance, and head for the stairwell."

"Roger that, Angel. I have a visual on Red. I'll give you the details when you get in range."

"Good, we're on the move."

He starts off towards the building and Dean almost has to run to keep up with him. "Angel?"

Castiel holds the door open for him and nods. "Yes. My name?"

That's at least one puzzle piece that falls into place in Dean's mind. He wondered where such a weird name might come from. "I'm sorry, not exactly a big fan of the Good Book."

"Depends on which one you read. Some versions are a little off with the details."

Castiel walks up the stairs, and Dean follows him, rolling his eyes. Of course, Castiel read the Bible, and not only one version. But just because he didn't read it, doesn't mean Dean is a savage. "I'm okay with fiction; I just prefer more action and fewer plagues. I started reading one of your books, the one with the fallen angel?"

Dean almost runs into Castiel, who just stopped in the middle of the staircase. For a moment, his facial expression shows pure horror until he regains his composure. "It's not mine. It belonged to- A friend."

He keeps walking, and Dean does his best not to keep asking. "A friend" was a lie. Based on Castiel' reaction, Dean assumes ex-girlfriend. Something painful for sure. He tries to think about something to change the subject. "Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"Please remind me never to get on the same bike as you again. Ever."

"You don't like my driving?"

Dean laughs. "Driving? Felt more like flying. I tried so hard not to shit my pants that I probably won't poop for a week."

At first, Castiel seems irritated, but then his face harbors the hint of a smile. "You've still been an excellent pillion passenger."

Dean refuses to answer that. It reminds him how hard he's been clinging to Castiel the whole drive, and he'd rather forget that as quickly as possible. He follows Castiel in silence until he holds his hand out in front of him. When Dean stops, Castiel points to the top of the stairs.

They can hear voices, two men. Castiel taps his earpiece and whispers as not to draw attention to them. "Crow's nest, we're two stories up, east stairwell. The enemy is in close range. Where's target?"

"I have Red three shops down, bookstore, left from the stairwell entrance. The one follower is still close by. No visual on the others."

Castiel's hand vanishes under his coat and comes back with his gun. Dean feels a rush of adrenaline pulsing through him. It's one thing to talk big, but aside from a few bar brawls, he's never been in an actual fight.

He's about to draw his weapon, but Castiel gestures him to stand down and come closer, so Dean can hear his low voice. "We'll check the top of the stairs. If you have a clear way to the entrance, you'll go. I take care of them, just wait for my signal. If shots are fired, security will be onto us. Get Anna out as quickly as possible, but try to do it unarmed. Okay?"

Dean nods and Castiel puts the keys of the motorcycle into his hand which means, Castiel will be stuck here. "What about you?"

This time, it's a real smile on Castiel's face. "You said it yourself; I can fly."

He heads for the stairs and Dean stares after him. Did Castiel just tease him? Was that a joke? Maybe he's a real person after all, and not only a lifelike robot.

At least he might have the ability to be. Right now, he looks more like a killing machine than ever. He moves up the stairs, gun always at the ready, like he's about to invade a country with his special forces unit.

Dean tries to stay behind him and not look like a total idiot. When they reach the top of the stairs, Castiel leans forward to check the corridor on both sides. A second later he waves behind his back with one hand, giving Dean the signal to move.

Without hesitation, Dean dives into the corridor and makes his way to the door. A few seconds later, there's a scream behind him. "Hey you!"

He doesn't stop but hears hectic footsteps. A second later, all hell breaks lose. Dean has no idea who started shooting, but the gunfire echoes in the corridor and he's sure a bullet enters the wall next to him. He jumps to the door, squeezes through and walks to the side, hoping no ricochet will make it through.

The people in the mall are unaware of the danger behind the wall, the music drowning out the sound of the gunfire. They saunter past the stairwell entrance and keep shopping. Dean blends in with a group while trying to contact Ash. "Crow's nest, I'm close to target. How's the status?"

"No change. I'll keep you updated."

Dean counts that as a good sign. If the people here are oblivious, the guy who's following Anna can't know what's up. The only thing he has to do now is come up with a way to fetch Anna. He walks past a shop window and freezes. There's an idea blooming in his head, and he hopes it's as good as it sounds.

Two minutes later he comes out of the shop with a brand new trucker hat. He tries to bend it a little bit, so it would look more used before he puts it on. Then he heads to the bookstore.

With her bright red hair, Anna is easy to find. A closer look also reveals her follower. He's always staying two or three shelves away from her. Dean, on the other hand, walks up to her in a straight line and tries to give his voice a little drawl. "There you are, doll."

Anna turns to him, and her eyes grow huge. She must have been waiting for someone to help her, but certainly not trucker Dean. He keeps speaking to give her a moment. "Why didn't you wait for me at the bar?"

She suddenly turns around looking like the perfect image of a sulky girlfriend. "You know why."

Dean reaches for her shoulder to turn her around, but Anna shies away, and he follows. "Don't be like that, honey. I ain't done nothing. Whatever Caroline told ya is bull."

Anna turns around, her face furious. "She told me you've been with Susan!"

Dean spreads out his arms and shrugs like he has no idea what she's talking about. "Who?"

"Don't play dumb! You know who I mean." Anna takes another step and hits him in the chest. "You wanted to meet with her, didn't you?!"

Actual tears are streaming down Anna's face now, and Dean has to catch his breath for a moment. He lifts his hands to soothe her. "No, no, wanted to see you. Look."

He remembers that he's been carrying an amulet that Sam gave him. Its thread broke, so instead of wearing it, he just kept it in his pocket. Now he presents it to Anna like he planned to give it to her all along. "Wanted to give you this. At the bar."

She stares at the golden thing, still sobbing, but trying to regain composure. "For me?"

"Yes, there ain't anybody else for me."

With a squeal, she jumps into his arms and plants a kiss on his lips before she grabs the amulet. "It's so pretty! Can we go home? I wanna try it on with the dress you gave me."

"Sure, doll. Whatever you want."

Anna grabs his hand and drags him out of the shop, and Dean does his best not to look at her follower. If he bought their little game, it might not be a good idea to reveal themselves in the last seconds. Only when they are outside and a few steps away he dares to use his ear piece. "Crow's nest, I got the package. Status on Angel?"

"Don't worry, Hunter. Just get the package out. I'll give you a save route."

The east stairwell is probably still a conflict area because Ash gives them another way outside and back to their bike. For a moment, Dean is a little worried, because just like Castiel said, it also has been a while since he drove a motorcycle. They manage to get away from the parking lot though and the longer they drive, the better Dean feels.

They only stop when they're outside the city, and Anna signals him to do so. He looks back at her with concern. "What?"

"Why did you ask for Angel? Was Castiel with you?"

"Yes. He's been holding off two other guys who have been following you."

Anna's eyes grow wide again. "What? Then we have to go back."

"No, we won't."

"Dean, you-"

He cuts her off but tries to keep his voice calm. "I get it, okay? I want to, but I was only allowed to come along if I do exactly what Castiel tells me to do. And he asked me to get you out. If we turn back now, he'll shoot my ass."

"If he's still alive."

Her voice trembles with fear, and for a moment there's an unpleasant pull in Dean's stomach, but he shakes his head. "He's fine."

"And you know that how?"

"I just do." It's a stupid answer, and Anna's face says that much, but she keeps silent. Maybe because Dean sounded convinced. And the weird thing is, he believes it. He feels like he would know if something happened to Castiel. Or he just wants it to be that way. He shakes his head to get rid of the stupid thought. "Let's just get back to the bunker."

Instead of answering, Anna just holds on to him, and they get back on the road again. The fact that Dean drives a lot faster now has nothing to do with a concern for Castiel; he just wants to get home.

When Anna and Dean arrive at the bunker, Gabriel, Jo, and Charlie are there as well. They are with Ash in the tech room, and Jo isn't pleased. "I don't know how he did it. One second he was there, and then he's suddenly just gone. Are you sure you can't get his last position?"

"Told you I'm trying. I've been a little occupied with the others."

Jo turns around with an annoyed grunt and spots Anna and Dean in the door. "At least you made it. Good."

That's all accounted for, except one. "What about Cas?"

All eyes turn to Dean, and he wonders why this always happens to him. It's nothing special to ask after a member of the team who's been shot at earlier. Ash breaks the silence. "Last time he checked in, he was leaving the mall. I'm not sure he's coming in, but he should be fine."

"And what about Sayten's guys?"

Ash laughs. "Oh don't worry. I'm sure our Angel brought them straight up to heaven."

It leaves a bad taste in Dean's mouth how he can sound so unfazed by this. The others might be their enemies, but they are still people. And Cas had to shoot it out with these guys. Who knows what happened?He's about to ask if they can call Cas, but Ash is already speaking into his mic. "Crow's nest here, happy to help. Yes, all here. Yes, both okay, just worried about you. Okay, will do."

He pulls down his headphones and turns to Dean. "See, I told you. Cas is good; he's just staying in the city right away because it's more convenient."

Dean nods and leaves. There's not much more he can do anyway. He heard how pissed Jo was because they lost the guy from the bar. That means they are back to square one when it comes to finding his brother, and Dean still doesn't have a dream catcher.

Lost in thought, he trots along the corridors and finds himself in front of Castiel's room. For a moment, he's angry about his mistake, but his room still feels more like a prison cell to him than a home. And it's not like Castiel needs it that much.

Dean grabs the book he's been reading and stifles a laugh when he realizes he talked about it to their so called Angel. Maybe it's not only about his name; maybe the nickname has something to do with the book as well. With a sigh, Dean falls down on the bed and opens the book.

Minutes later he's still staring at the same page and misses how Anna slowly walks into the room. "Dean?"

Startled, he drops the book, and of course, it lands right on his face. "Ouch."

A second later, Anna is with him and picks up the book. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

Dean sits up and rubs his aching face. "I think I was falling asleep. Don't worry about it."

Anna nods and carefully places the book on the nightstand. "Do you want me to go?"

For a moment, Dean wants to say yes, but Anna didn't come in here to make him drop a book on his face. "What did you want?"

She sits down at the corner of the bed and smiles weakly. "First of all, I wanted to thank you. For getting me out."

Despite the fact that he had to fight for even the chance to do so, Dean makes a dismissive gesture. "It's nothing. I guess Cas could have done it on his own."

"Oh no, he couldn't have! And don't let him tell you otherwise. I'm just sorry we couldn't catch up with those guys. But Ash is still looking, it might not have been in vain."

Dean nods, but the worry comes back that he will be stuck here, unable to help his brother. Suddenly Anna leans closer to him and taps his shoulder. "I'm sorry by the way."

"About what?"

"Kissing you for one thing. I won't say I regret it, but I'm sorry for just doing it. I just thought we should sell it. After all, Sayten's guys might know about you, and I didn't want him to recognize you. And I'm sorry it took me so long to get it. For a second you looked like Bobby."

With his face twisted in feigned distress, Dean puffs himself up. "I did not."

Anna laughs, and her eyes travel to the cap on his head. "Oh yeah, you did."

Dean pulls down the cap and ruffles his hair. "Okay, fine. Maybe in 30 years."

"And after a few bottles of Scotch."

"Oh, I can do that." Dean smiles, and Anna grabs the cap to put it on herself. Her look says that she wants him to judge her appearance, and Dean's blood runs cold. She looks like a girl scout on her way to sell cookies. It makes Dean realize that something could have happened to her and the others.

His voice drops down to a whisper, and he keeps staring at the bed sheet. He's not good with things like these. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" He can't see her face, but Anna sounds confused.

"You've all been in danger today, because of my brother and me. I don't want that. Especially if I can't even help."

There's a moment of silence until Dean can feel Anna's hand on his own. "Dean, you have to stop thinking like that. You are one of us now. You became one of us when Chuck walked into that interrogation room. The same goes for your brother. We're family. It's not about helping out a guest; this is about protecting one of our own."

Dean can't remember when he talked about his feelings for the last time. Sam knows he doesn't like it and leaves him alone if possible. But right now, Anna deserves a little more than that. "I haven't been this helpless for years. I just want to be able to do something. I want to help."

Anna starts smiling at him, maybe because he opened up to her. "You helped to save me today. You fixed our whole car pool. You helped to clean up this mess of a bunker. Cassie is happier than ever because she might have found someone to match her shooting skills. Kevin was so pleased that you took his advice and kept the books he gave you. And I have never eaten such a good burger."

The appreciation is visible on her face, and Dean can't help but laugh. He might not have had his big break yet, but at least there are little things he can do. Anna keeps smiling at him, pleased with his better mood. "Just try to stay positive. And if it helps, I have never heard of a dream walker who couldn't find a dream catcher. Somebody is out there for you. That's just how it is. And we'll find them, okay?"

Dean nods, because he's pretty sure Anna wouldn't drop it otherwise. "Okay."

"You should sleep."

"Why? Do I look like Bobby again?"

Anna laughs but gets up from the bed. "A little bit."

When she left the room, Dean loses his pants and gets into the bed. A good night's sleep might do him good, and he has a better chance of getting there in a comfortable bed. As much as he likes Bobby, he'd rather keep his looks for as long as possible.


	9. Not Alone

_That which the dream state is the shadow of such wisdom as exists in man, even during his waking state, he may know nothing about it…_

_We do not know it because we are fooling away our time with outward and perishing things, and are asleep in regard to that which is real within_ ourself _._  
_\- Paracelsus_

* * *

 

 Since his talk with Crowley, they've left Sam alone. No more music breaks, sudden lights or other disturbing things. They brought him food and for the first time he gets a few hours of sleep. He dreamed about Dean in an underground bunker and dark shapes around him.

When Sam wakes up, he doesn't understand where he is until the door to his cell opens with a loud shriek. One of the guys who bring his food enters, but he's not holding a tray. He comes closer, revealing the second man standing in the door frame. The first one comes over to his bed, looking down on him. "You better don't make trouble."

Sam nods and the man kneels down to unlock his shackles. When he gets up, he keeps a close look at Sam like he needs to make sure that Sam doesn't attack. It's not like he hasn't thought about it, but even on a good day, he couldn't be certain that he can take those two guys. And who knows what waits behind those doors? The best he can hope for is Dean recruiting the police and rescuing him.

When Sam doesn't move, the two men leave the room, locking the door behind them. Sam stretches out on his bench, happy to have his arms free and considers another nap when he hears a noise. At first, he's not quite sure what it is, but then it becomes clearer and louder. A woman's voice. "Hello? Anybody there?"

It's coming from the little window on the other side of the room. Sam jumps up, crossing the room in two steps and propping himself up on the ledge of the window. There's another room just like his, with only a bed, and what seems to be a prisoner. The dark haired woman is standing under the window, looking up to him. He tries to smile. "Hey."

Her eyes grow big. "Oh good, I thought I'm all alone."

Sam shakes his head. "Give me a second."

He drops down again to move his bed over to the window. He might get in trouble for that, but if there's another person, he wants to look at her while having a conversation. Once the bed is under the window, Sam climbs on top of it, looking down at the woman again. "Hi, I'm Sam."

The woman gives him a small smile. "I'm Ruby."

"Nice to meet you, Ruby. I take it you're not here of your own free will?"

She shakes her head and looks around, completely confused. “I was just out getting some groceries and then these guys showed up and shoved me in a van. I was terrified. I guess it’s a relieve that they just want me to catch somebody, but still. I want to get out of here.”

It was bad enough when they took Sam, but he doesn’t want to know how a woman must feel when she gets taken from the street. At least, she doesn’t seem to be hurt. The only thing that throws him off is her words. “What did they tell you? They want you to catch somebody?”

“Yes, there was this one guy, dressed all black, with a British accent. He wants me to catch a dream weaver.”

Sam’s not sure if he should laugh or not. “Well, the guy you’re talking about said that I was a dream weaver. He wants me to work for him. I told him he’s wrong, but he’s going on and on about my abilities and special powers like it’s a real thing.”

The woman raises her brows in confusion. “I’ve never met a dream weaver; that’s right. But your abilities are real. I doubt they would have taken you otherwise.”

“I don’t have magic powers.” This time Sam laughs, all of this is just too absurd. “This Crowley guy is completely delusional.”

Ruby shakes her head before focusing on him. “Have you ever felt like a dream is just too real? That you didn’t get much sleep? Maybe someone told you they saw you, but you are sure you’ve been asleep at the time? Have you ever had the same dream as somebody else?”

Sam wants to say no, after all, what she’s describing sounds as fantastic as Crowley’s ramblings. The thing is, Sam can’t. The answer to all of her questions is yes.

 


	10. The Graveyard

_Kill a dream and the dreamer dies too._  
_\- Leonard M. Foley_

* * *

 

 

It's going to be another day of looking for a dream catcher, so Dean's sitting in the kitchen, gulping down his second cup of coffee.

He doesn't even realize that someone is sitting down at the same table until he hears an unfamiliar voice. "Hey, you must be Dean. I'm Aaron."

Dean looks up and shakes the hand that is offered to him over the table. Aaron is smiling at him but then his face falls flat, and he doesn't let go of Dean's hand. "Wow! They were right. You ARE damn attractive."

Just like Aaron, Dean freezes in place and doesn't know what to say. He only manages one incoherent word. "Who?"

Finally, Aaron gives his hand free, and his smile returns. "I'm sorry. It's just that Charlie and Jo have been trying to set me up with somebody for ages and they thought I might find you cute." Aaron clears his throat and takes a forced breath to get the next words out. "Which I do."

Maybe it's too early or just too unexpected, but Dean's brain goes blank before he somehow drops random words out of his mouth. "Kind of busy... I'm like... you know, looking for my brother and then there's the dream catcher thing."

Aaron doesn't stop smiling, if anything, he looks more intrigued. "Is that supposed to make you less interesting?"

Dean gets stuck between drinking from his cup and setting it back on the table, not sure what would be worse. At last, he does the latter, but with so much force that the sound of porcelain on wood echoes through the kitchen. "I, uhm, guess not. It's just that I'm not very good with the-"

Due to a lack of words he just alternates between pointing at Aaron and himself and Aaron presses his lips together and nods. "No pressure, I just thought, maybe we go for a coffee sometime."

He looks so much like a puppy while saying this that Dean finally gets some of his courage back. "Yeah, sure. I'll just focus on finding a catcher first, but then, who knows?"

Sure he got the problem out of the way, he lifts his cup again, but before he can drink, Aaron drops the next bomb on him. "Okay, so I guess I'll see you upstairs. Ash asked me to try out as a catcher for you."

"Oh, great!" Dean can't help that his voice gets unnaturally high and he finally decides to bail. He solves his second cup dilemma by taking It with him and prays to God that Aaron didn't see how he ran into one of the tables on his way out.

It's hopeless. Despite the embarrassing ran in with Aaron, Dean tries his best to get along with the man. Not for long, though. He can feel him retreat and Dean knows why. He's slipping again. He's supposed to focus on himself and let his dream catcher take care of him, but Dean can't bring himself to do it right.

Maybe he doesn't trust them enough, or his past is just too sad to recover from it. Every time they end up in some shit hole of his mind and whoever tries to catch him takes off. By now he gets those glances from people when he walks by.

His mind has even been too much for the crazy Gabriel and whoever followed after him couldn't catch him either. Something must be wrong with him. With the screams of his mother in his ears, he comes back to reality. At least Aaron doesn't huddle in a corner, but he's breathing hard and looks at Dean with something like pity in his eyes.

Chuck comes inside and watches them both for a moment. "Are you both okay?"

Dean nods. He's always okay. It's the others who suffer at his hand. After another deep breath, Aaron nods as well. "I'm good."

"Can you-?" Chuck's eyes are pleading with Aaron, who slowly shakes his head.

"Sorry, I'm trying, but I don't think it's getting better."

"You lasted longer than anybody else."

Aaron glances at Dean before he looks back to Chuck and Dean knows why. They're not doing better at all; Aaron just tried hard to make it work. The exhaustion is visible, not only on his face but in the whole way he holds himself. He might not lean against the wall, but he won't last another try. "I don't know what to tell you, Chuck. Getting to him is impossible. It's like he's already got a catcher."

There's a moment of silence until Dean gets to his feet, focusing on Chuck. "What do I do? How do I make it work?"

Chuck slowly shakes his head. "You can't. It just works, or it doesn't."

He looks like he regrets the last words, and of course, Dean picks up on them. "What if it doesn't?"

"It will, don't worry. I told you, it just takes a little time."

He told this to Dean over and over again, but this time his smile isn't convincing anymore. The sight brakes something in Dean. He knew deep insight that this wasn't going well, but he let the others tell him otherwise. He wanted to believe it because he had to.

Nodding to Chuck and giving a small wave to Aaron, Dean leaves the room. He tries to compose himself, but inside a storm is raging. His dreams about his brother get worse every day, and he just can't wait any longer. Without thinking about it, his feet take him to the infirmary.

Inside, Anna is stocking a shelf with bandages and smiles at him when he enters. "Hey Dean, you need something?" She turns around, and when her eyes fall onto him again, her smile freezes. "Are you alright?"

"I need your help." Dean walks into the room, looking around like he can find the thing he needs himself. Anna follows his eyes, trying to guess what he needs.

"Sure. Are you sick? Is something wrong with the suppressant?"

"There's something wrong with me. I need something to make it work. Aaron did pretty well; maybe you can give him something to boost his ability. Or, I don't know, calm my brain? Stop the memories, anything."

There's a moment of silence and Dean knows he won't like Anna's answer. "Chuck already asked me, Dean. I try my best, but I'm not a scientist. I thought about it, but there's nothing I can do. It was hard enough to find a way to suppress my dream catching; I'm not sure if there's something to improve it."

Dean stares at her, his mouth falling open, and Anna swallows hard. Her brain races to find an explanation, but Dean recovers more quickly. "To suppress your-? You're a dream catcher?"

"No, not really. I was once. I have the ability, but I was so bad at it that I gave it up."

"Could you try again? With me?"

Anna slowly shakes her head, looking like she's in pain. "Believe me, I would have told you, but I just don't think that it would work. I took more suppressants than anybody else here, and I didn't catch anybody for years. I believe that it's too dangerous."

With a deep breath, Dean turns around. He wants to will himself to leave, but he just can't. There's a chance here, and he has to take it. "I agreed to work with you guys because you assured me my brother was okay. But he's not. Don't ask me how, but I can feel it. Every night, I see him, and it's getting worse. He's getting worse. They're hurting him."

He turns around, and Anna takes a few steps back. "We just need to find-"

"Someone else?" Dean takes another step, the anger making him tense. "I just need to try again? How more times do you think I should try? How many days should I leave my brother to them without help?"

Anna lifts her hands, trying to calm him down, but he just gets angrier by the second. "Do you think I'm stupid? I've seen the looks. Chuck, Ash, Charlie. They know there soon will be nobody left. Who the hell should I try, Anna?! Who is there for me?!"

His voice is filling the room now, echoing from the walls. Anna visibly shrunk in front of him, like she's trying to escape. Instead, there's a whisper coming from her lips. "Castiel."

"What?" She twitches like he hit her with the word and keeps talking.

"Castiel, he's a dream catcher, but-"

_There should be fireworks, at least, when a dream dies._  
_\- Kirby Larson_

* * *

 

 

Dean is out of the door before she can finish the sentence. A second later she's shouting, trying to stop him, but Dean rushes through the corridor, taking the familiar way to Castiel's room. He doesn't bother knocking but almost rips the door off its hinges. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you!"

Castiel is sitting on the bed, a book in his hands, and watches him like Dean just wished him a good morning. "You can't. I'm sure I can take you."

His casual tone knocks the air out of Dean for a moment, but afterward, his anger comes back with even more force. "You let me try to walk with every damn catcher under the sun, but can't be bothered to mention that you are one? What's your fucking problem?!"

With a nod, Castiel closes the book and points to the chair next to his bed. "Sit down." Dean keeps standing, towering over the other man, but Castiel doesn't flinch. "I want to explain, so hit me, or sit down."

Growling with annoyance, Dean takes a seat but keeps on edge. "This better be good."

"I wouldn't call it good." For a moment, Castiel's calmness disappears, and he looks like he, in turn, thinks about hitting Dean. Instead, sadness is clouding his eyes. "I was my sister's catcher since we've been children. It seemed to be a perfect fit, but two years ago, she fell."

His voice cracks a little with the last word, and he takes a deep breath before he continues. "I let Hannah fall. It was my fault, and I swore that day that I would never catch anybody else again. And I didn't. I feel like I'm cursed and I don't want to put somebody else in danger. I told you, I'm sorry about your brother, but I won't risk it. I won't risk you."

Castiel just keeps staring at the ground, lost in thought, while Dean tries his best to sympathize. The thing is, he can't. The fury is burning in him, hot and angry. He's not screaming anymore, but his voice is laced with the anger when he speaks. "I'm sorry about your sister. Believe me, I am. But right now, I don't even care. I still have my brother, and he still needs my help. I don't care about your past or if you think it's too dangerous. We have to try!"

"You might be willing to do so, but I won't throw your life away. It's too precious."

Dean huffs a laugh, but there's no humor in it. "You think I care about my life when my brother is gone? Newsflash, Cas, I don't."

"You should. I do."

It's the expected thing to say. You don't run around telling people that it's okay for them to risk their life, but somehow it sounds like more than that. Like Castiel cares for Dean. He feels like something surrounds him, a chill that soothes the fire. But he can't give in. "I don't know if you did something wrong with your sister, but I don't care. If I had to pick a person to catch me, it would be you. I just know that you could do it. All I'm asking for is that we try."

For a moment Dean feels like Cas might cave in, the look on his face being pure misery, but then Cas shakes his head.

Dean's last bit of patience bursts into flames and the decision just falls into place. "Fine. I'm out of here. I took care of my brother for years, all on my own. I can do it again. You know, I helped Anna, and I would have done it for any of you, but I'm not a freaking charity."

_No man lives long when his dreams are dead._  
_\- Gene Wolfe_

* * *

 

 

Dean leaves before Cas can say anything and heads for the closet. Garth is taken aback when he asks for a bag, but soon after Dean's back in his room, filling the duffle with his new clothes. It might be ungrateful just to take all that stuff and disappear, but Dean's not an idiot.

He believed Cas that his apartment isn't safe, and he can't help his brother if he gets caught. After all, it's not only the Saytens who might be after him but also the police. He needs some supplies to get started, and afterward, he might be able to hustle some pool for money. He sometimes did it when he was younger and only stopped when some people got angry and made it more trouble than it was worth.

By the time he packed all his things, he even thinks about taking the motorcycle. After all, he's the one who fixed it. He's ready to head out when there's a light knock on the door. He turns around to find Jo, and her face tells him that she knows about what happened. There's still no way to change his mind. "No matter what you say, I'm gone."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Dean shakes his head and tries to walk past her, but she blocks his way. Usually, it's not his style to get physical, but a lot has changed over the last weeks. "Jo-"

She doesn't let him finish but looks up at him with an expression that could put even Sam's puppy eyes to shame. "I understand that from your point of view, Anna and Castiel should be able to help you. I totally get that, believe me. But give me a few minutes to explain. If you still want to go then, I'll drive you wherever you want to go myself."

The voice of reason tells Dean just to go, but deep inside he has doubts. After all, he wants to believe that the people here try to help him. He might have cared for Sammy all those years, but if he's honest with himself, it would be great to have some backup for a change. "Fine. You better make it good."

"Not the word I would use, but you'll see."

Jo waves him along, and he follows her into a corridor that's hidden behind a thick curtain. He always walked past it without even noticing. After a few steps, stairs lead deeper into the ground. A pressing feeling makes its way into Dean's chest. "I thought we've already been underground."

He gets no answer from Jo until they reach the bottom of the stairs. There's another long corridor with a few openings on both sides, leading into other rooms. They walk past them, and Dean takes glimpses inside.

Every room looks the same. There are beds, separated by curtains, like a makeshift hospital in a war zone. A chill runs down Dean's spine when he realizes there are shapes under the sheets. Finally, Jo makes a turn to the left and leads him to a bed in the middle of the room. She opens the curtain to go inside and gestures him to follow her.

They end up in front of a bed, a woman lying in it, appearing to be asleep. He can't be silent anymore, but whispers. "Who is that?"

Jo looks at her for a moment and takes a breath like she has to collect the strength to speak first. "Charlie's mother."

Dean feels a sting in his heart but promises himself not to fall for what Jo tries to do. "Is she in a coma or something?"

"She fell."

The two words hang in the air and make it harder for Dean to breathe. He's not sure what to say to that, and Jo nods her head back to the curtain to make him follow her again. They walk back to the stairs, and Jo leads him into a room at the front. It looks similar to Anna's infirmary, and Jo makes him sit down with her at a small table.

Her voice sounds collected like she's struggling with every word. "We call this place 'the graveyard'."

"You bring all the people here who fall?"

Tears are welling in Jo's eyes, and she shakes her head. "We try. Not all people fall at convenient enough moments to do so. Most of them die one way or the other. Either by accidents or they get shot by the Saytens or the police. Some are just forgotten and die of thirst. My father passed away in a car crash."

She finally buries her head in her hands, and Dean stays silent for a while to give her a chance to compose herself. "Is there no way to get them back?"

Jo shakes her head and takes a few quick breaths. "Charlie visits her mother every day, sometimes twice. She reads to her, plays music, talks to her. Sometimes I went with her, trying to snap her out of it by telling her what Charlie and I do here, how we got together, things like that. Make it enjoyable for her, you know? A lot of friends and family come here and try to help their loved ones. So far, nothing worked. No medication or treatments, not even pain."

Dean heard all the talk about people falling and knew it was dangerous, but he's never thought of like death. "What exactly happens to them?"

"We don't even know. The Fallen are somehow caught in the dream state. Chuck and Anna think that's why nothing we do here works. We can't wake them up because they don't believe that they're dreaming. They just keep going in whatever situation they got stuck in."

A horrible chill runs down Dean's spine. It's one thing to die and probably drift into nothingness, but being stuck and always struggling to get out must be so much worse. "There's no way to get them back?"

"There was one girl who tried. Tess. She was a dream catcher. Usually, when one falls, the connection between the people breaks up. It happened to Tess and her friend, and when she found her, she tried to reconnect with her. Sadly, it worked. Tess fell, too. Now it's unspoken law never to walk with a Fallen."

They stay silent for a while, both of them caught in their thoughts until Dean remembers what Cas just told him. "Cas said his sister fell. Is she here?"

Jo ducks for a moment like Dean hit her and shakes her head. "No, she's not. Their connection broke, and we've never found her. And by the way, you maybe shouldn't call him that."

"What?"

"Cas." Jo puts a hand over her mouth like she just used a curse word. "His sister Hannah always called him Castiel, just to spite him. Only when she was excited or happy, she forgot about it and called him Cas. All of us used the nickname all the time, but with Hannah, it was special. He seemed to die of sadness all over again, every time one of us used the name. So we stopped."

Dean curses himself. He might not be light-footed when it comes to other people's feelings, but he doesn't care for stomping on them either. "I didn't know; I never meant to-"

Jo touches his arm to shut him up and nods with a small smile. "I know. I would have told you, but it wasn't my place to tell you about Hannah."

With a sigh, Dean falls back into his chair and runs his hands through his hair. "Okay look, I want to stay. I could seriously need all of your help, but I just can't wait any longer. I need to help my brother."

"I know, Dean. The thing is, you still have a chance. A lot of people up there lost someone and won't get them back no matter what they do. How about you sleep a night on it, and tomorrow, we all get together and try to find a solution. If you still want to go then, nobody will stop you."

"And you won't try to drug me or something like that?"

Jo laughs. "That's Bobby's deal. Or maybe Anna's. I'd just shoot you in the leg."

While practicing with Cassie, Dean has seen Jo on the shooting range a few times, and he believes her without a doubt. "Fine, I'll sleep on it."

Finally, Jo smiles again and gets up. Dean follows her without hesitation. The graveyard deserves its name. Even the air down here feels dead and dreadful. Only when they reach the top of the stairs, Dean holds Jo back. "By the way, I'm sorry about your dad."

Jo's mouth opens like she wants to say something, but then she justs taps his shoulder and nods before making her way to her room. Dean thinks about doing the same, but he's not a coward, and he's still got some things left to do.

His first target is the infirmary. Anna is sitting on the cot, a vial of suppressant in her hand. Dean slightly knocks on the door and waits for her to look up. "Do you have a moment?"

She looks surprised, but nods. "Sure."

When Dean walks over to sit next to her, he feels ashamed. Of course, he has his brother to worry about, but that was no reason to behave as he did. "The first thing Cas told me was how you guys think that everybody should have the choice to do what they want with their gift. It's not my place to tell you what to do. I'm honestly very sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."

Anna smiles and just shrugs like nothing happened. "It's fine. I understand that you're worried about your brother. What are you going to do now?"

"Jo convinced me to have a meeting with the others tomorrow. We'll just check our options and then I'll try to make the right decision."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm glad you agreed to it."

Dean huffs. "Yeah, Jo can be pretty convincing."

"That she can, yes." Anna laughs but gets serious again just a second later. Her eyes wander over the vial, and she shakes it like it holds all the answers. "I'll keep looking. Maybe I can find something to help you."

"I'd appreciate that." Dean gets up and carefully taps Anna's shoulder, and before he leaves, he turns around in the doorway. "Thank you, Anna."

He's not sure for what exactly, her trying to help him or the fact that she's not even angry at him, but she just nods, understanding.

Hopefully, his next endeavor will go just as smooth. Castiel's door stands ajar, and Dean knocks while slowly opening it. He's surprised to find that Cas isn't alone.

A black cat is curled up against his leg and purrs while Castiel's slender fingers carefully stroke the velvet fur. The second Dean takes a step into the room; the cat jumps up, and with a few quick jumps she's through the room, hiding somewhere by Castiel's desk.

Not sure how to even start this, Dean stops in the middle of the room. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb."

For a moment, Castiel's eyes wander to the spot where the cat vanished before they fixate Dean. "She's shy; there's no need to apologize."

Dean almost laughs at that. "Oh, there is plenty of need."

"Dean, you were upset-"

With a forceful gesture, Dean stops Cas' words and keeps talking before he can chicken out. "I'm not good with stuff like that, so please just let me finish. I lost my parents; I should know how it feels when somebody close to you falls. I shouldn't have tried to force you to change your mind. You're the only person who has the right to decide what to do with your gift. Your words."

Cas nods to that pleased that Dean understood him. He keeps quiet, though, and Dean finds the strength to say what he should have the last time. "You know how people say 'it takes one to know one'? Well, I know you. I know your grieve, your shame, your doubt. I know how it feels to be useless, and not enough. I know the days the hole in your chest is so dark and profound, it's starting to consume you. I know how sorry you are, and how much you hate yourself. Maybe you were right, but cursed or not, I'd rather have you. But not for my brother's sake, but for yours. Hell, even for mine. We deserve-"

His voice breaks, and he's not even sure what word he's looking for. It doesn't matter really. There's something more important he has to say. "By the way, I'm sorry for calling you Cas. I didn't know, and I didn't mean to insult the memory of your sister. Somehow I just always do shit like that."

Cas stays silent, and Dean can't take it anymore. He just leaves, wandering around the corridors. By the time Dean realizes what he's doing, he finds himself in the graveyard. It's so quiet down here that it feels like the silence is a thing he can touch. It's something he's not used to. His mind is always loud, his insides screaming with fear and pain.

Like in a trance, he walks from room to room. He visits every bed, looking at the Fallen. He tries to imagine what happened to them, how they felt. He thinks of the people they left behind, how all of them are important.

He might fear for his brother, but it doesn't give him the right to put himself over all of them. Instead, he should try his best to get Sammy back. Save one, and then keep going. Save as many as they can.


	11. Lost And Found

_Pay attention to your dreams - God’s angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep._  
_\- Eileen Elias Freeman_

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Dean takes his time to get ready with a long shower and enjoys that nobody bothers him at breakfast. Afterward, Dean spends a while just staring at the wall in his room, trying to clear his head. Only when he feels calm and collected, he walks up to the nest.

Jo prepared a table for all of them in the middle of the nest, and most of the other people cleared out or disappeared into corners of the room to work quietly for themselves. Around the table are Anna, Charlie, Ash, Chuck, Kevin, Jo, and even Gabriel, sorting through all the information they gathered so far.

Dean joins them, and nobody even speaks of the possibility that he might leave. They present him with ideas and things they can still do to find Sam. Charlie starts a list of people who could help, and Ash promises to find a few more dreamcatchers.

After they had worked through all the places Dean pointed out on the map, they turn to people Sam got in contact with. Knowing the Saytens, Chuck suspects that someone might have been spying on them. Kevin adds his expertise when it comes to the lore of libs and promises to look for more reading material. It might give them an idea what the other side is doing to Sam.

It takes them hours to sift through everything, but for the first time, Dean has hope that they might have a chance. At the end, Anna has a little announcement for him. "Sadly, I couldn't find a way to improve dream catching, but I might be able to reverse the suppressant. If I do that for a few days, I might be able to walk with you."

Yesterday Dean would have been overjoyed, but after what he saw, he's not so eager to make Anna walk with him when she's not even sure about her abilities. Lucky for him, someone else speaks up before he can. "You don't have to. I will walk with him."

All heads turn to the newcomer, and Dean gets up from his chair, turning around as well. He hasn't seen Castiel all day, but now he stands in front of him in his full fighting outfit, like he just came from a mission. Trench coat, tie, gun holster, everything is in place; aside from his hair which always looks like he just rolled out of bed.

"I appreciate it Cas- Castiel, but you don't need to do this."

Castiel comes closer to him, training his, as Dean calls it, blue stare at him. "Just look at me."

It's pretty hard for Dean not to, so they end up staring at each other, and after a while, Dean wants to ask Castiel what his deal is, but he can't. He feels the need to speak, but his lips won't move. Shocked, he turns around to the table, but instead of his new-found friends, there's his family.

His mother tickles Sam, trying to feed him with his broccoli while his father tells him how big and strong he'll become if he eats up. Dean can't help but laugh. He forgot that there was a time when Sammy didn't like vegetables. And he's sure his father has never thought about the truth he's been telling to Sam.

It's a beautiful memory until Sam starts to cry. It's not unusual for a kid to do so, but it always frightened Dean. What if he's hungry, or worse, sick? He wants to walk over to him, check his temperature, stroke his tummy, make him laugh again.

"Would you mind introducing us?"

Just now, Dean realizes he's not alone. Castiel is with him, both of them suddenly sitting at the table. His father holds Sammy in his lap, and they're smiling at him while his mother leans a bit over the table. "So who did you bring, Dean?"

"Uhm, that's Cas. I mean, Castiel."

Castiel puts his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Cas is fine, Dean. I don't mind."

He smiles, and Dean faces his family again. His father waves with Sammy's hand. "Say hi to Cas, Sammy."

Sam tries to say something, but there are just baby sounds coming out at first. Dean's mother laughs. "I think we have to practice a little more. Do you want to try, Dean?"

Dean immediately nods, and his father carefully hands him his baby brother. He lets him bounce on his knees, eliciting happy squeals from him. Dean feels like he could do this for hours, but the room darkens. When he looks up, his parents are slowly fading. Sam's laughing stops, and instead, he's screaming for Dean again. "Please! You have to help me! Dean, please!"

"I'm trying, Sammy. I'm trying. I'm so sorry." Dean tries to hold on to his brother, but he's fading as well, still screaming. The voice isn't coming from the little kid in his arms, but bounces off the walls and comes back to Dean in a terrible cacophony.

Dean can feel tears welling in his eyes, but then there's warmth. He looks down and finds Castiel's hand on his own. "Just hold him tight, Dean. You can do it."

Trusting in his words, Dean holds on to his brother and his silhouette grows stronger again. After a while he's fully visible, his little hands grabbing Dean's shirt.

"Careful, Sammy. Don't make holes in it."

It's his mother's voice, warming Dean from within. He looks up and stares at her smile, her hands outstretched to take Sam back from him. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll take him. You go and play with your friend."

Dean gets up from his chair, Castiel still next to him, and Dean's father waves them along. "I have something for you, Dean."

In the blink of an eye, they're in the garage, and his father hands him the keys to Baby. "I'm sure you'll take good care of her."

Staring down at the keys, Dean swears by all that is holy to do his best. His father claps his back and smiles. "I know you will, Dean. I trust you."

Dean lets his hand travel along the side of the car, bursting with pride. "Get in Cas."

Just a moment later, they're on the road, with the airflow coming through the windows, music blasting, and the smell of freedom in the air. If he didn't have to watch the road, Dean would just close his eyes and feel everything around him. "Do you hear that, Cas? Listen to her purr."

They drive back to the bunker and walk inside. In the nest, Cas and Dean head for the table and this time, it's not his family, but the lib crew is sitting around it. Dean blinks and the world seems to shift, just a tiny bit.

He finally understands that they walked, but he wasn't thrown back into reality because his catcher fled his mind. It's been an easy transition, just like waking up. And what's even more important, Cas doesn't look different at all. He's not even breathing heavy.

The first to speak is Chuck. He's looking at the others, visibly excited. "Does anybody got the time?"

Ash holds his watch over to him, smiling like Christmas came early. "At least five minutes, maybe more."

It doesn't click immediately. Dean can feel the wheels turning in his head, and helplessly he looks back to Cas. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I don't understand the problem. Your mind is perfectly fine. We start tomorrow."

He turns on his heels and walks outside, and Charlie huffs. "Show-off."

Dean's mind still can't comprehend the sudden mood change in the room, and he flops down on his chair. "What just happened?!"

Gabriel leans over to him, tapping his shoulder with an understanding smile. "Hate to break it to you, sweet cheeks, but Castiel just popped your cherry."

"Gabriel!" Anna's voice echoes through the whole nest, but Dean can't find it in him to be mad. This is good. He finally found his dream catcher.

For the first time since he's been staying in the bunker, Dean doesn't dream about Sam. In fact, he doesn't sleep at all. He's so excited to do what he's here for that all attempts to calm himself down fail. And he has to sleep in his bed again, which just isn't as comfortable as Castiel's.

Dean forces himself to stay in bed until 5 am, but then he can't take it anymore. He heads to the common bathroom to take a shower. He finds one of the stalls already wet and wonders who else couldn't keep their eyes shut anymore.

He finds the answer when he's walking into the kitchen. Castiel is standing in front of one the kitchen cupboards, just staring into it. "Morning, Cas. I mean, Castiel. Dammit, this is hard."

Castiel turns around, squinting at him before he mumbles an answer. "Told you it's fine."

"Yeah, well, only in the dream thingy whatever. I wasn't sure if it counts in the real world as well."

"It counts." Castiel turns around and stares into the cupboard again.

Dean walks over to him, trying to peek into it as well. "What's so fascinating?"

"I just-" Castiel sighs. "I'm trying to decide what to eat."

Finally, Dean is close enough to take a glimpse into the cupboard and has to stiffen a laugh. "Cas, that's all coffee and tea. I don't think there's anything eatable in there."

With a grunt, Castiel closes the door of the cupboard and walks away to sit on one of the barstools at the counter. Dean follows him, still trying not to laugh. "I take it you're not a morning person."

Castiel shakes his head, dropping water everywhere. So it's been him in the shower. Dean leans over the counter to look at his face. "How can you still be so grumpy after you had a shower. You've been perfectly fine the last time you woke me at the ass crack of dawn."

"Back then, I wasn't up early, but late."

"I see. Pulling an all-nighter is fine, but getting up turns you into a grouch. Am I even allowed to feed you right now?"

Castiel squints at him again, fighting the bright light in the kitchen. "It's well past midnight, Dean."

For a moment, Dean just stares at him. "You don't know Alice, but a gremlin reference is okay?"

"Depending on my interests, I am in fact very pop culture savvy."

Dean taps his back and smiles. "You know, for someone who can't even look out of his eyes, you still talk like you have a stick up your ass." Castiel opens his mouth, but Dean shakes his head. "No, don't even answer that. Let me get some coffee into you first."

  
One coffee later, Castiel's eyes are finally open, and he takes a keen interest in Dean's freshly baked pancakes. The amount of honey he spreads over it is worrying, but Dean can't bring himself to care. He's too busy watching Cas. He remembers all the breakfasts he made for Sam, and he always gets a warm feeling when someone enjoys his cooking.

Only when Dean ate, he makes his first attempt to begin his training. "So, when do we start?"

Castiel is licking honey off his fingers and just chews at Dean. It's like he suddenly turns five the second he starts eating. Only when his fingers seem clean enough, he answers. "Start what?"

"My training? You're supposed to catch me while I walk, remember?"

He gets a nod, and Castiel puts, even more, honey over his last pancake. "I'm well aware of yesterday's proceedings, Dean. And I'm ready to catch you as soon as you start walking."

"Okay, good. After breakfast?"

Dean feels the same excitement that kept him up all night, and Castiel squints at him again. "We can start right now." With the words, he takes his cup and starts slurping his second coffee.

Almost bursting out of his skin, Dean has a hard time staying in his seat. "Awesome. What do I do?"

"Walk." That's all Castiel says before turning back to his coffee, and Dean wants to slap him.

"Here? Don't we need to go back to the room in the nest or something?"

Castiel huffs a laugh, but when Dean doesn't join in, he falls silent again. "They didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"It's a ruse. There's nothing special about this room."

Dean thinks back to all the times he's been in there and tries not to get angry again. "But what about the headphones? And the music? The smells? The memories?"

"The headphones were Gabriel's idea. He thought it was funny. Everything else came out of your head."

"Why the room then?"

"Starting to walk can be easier close to your partner. And a quiet atmosphere might help, too. But it's not necessary. In fact, you should be able to start at any given moment. It might save your life."

Dean takes a deep breath to fight the urge to strangle Gabriel. When he feels calm enough, he rubs his hands together in anticipation and watches Cas. "okay, fine. Hit me."

"With what?"

"The blue stare? I don't know. Anything that gets me started. Just like you did yesterday."

Castiel tilts his head, clearly thinking about the day before. "I can't make you walk, Dean. I told you to look at me, and you started walking."

"Because you-" Dean doesn't finish the sentence and thinks back to all the times he tried out with the others. It's true. They took their places on the pillow in front of him, but some of them even closed their eyes. They've never done anything to him.

He stares at Cas, trying to repeat what they did yesterday. Cas stares back, and Dean is still fascinated how freaking blue eyes can be, but nothing happens. Wanting to get himself into a calmer state, he breathes slowly, and without meaning to he drifts closer to Cas.

Only when there's a snicker from another table, Dean brakes the eye contact. He doesn't know the women next to them, and they avoid his gaze, but he surely won't give them another chance to laugh about them. He has a mission, not a date. "This is not working, Cas."

"I'm sorry, Dean, but I'm not a dream walker. I just tag along. I don't know how it feels to you, or how to start a walk."

"Yeah, but you practically devour books. Don't tell me you've never read about it."

Castiel watches his face, lost in thought, and Dean does his best to look anywhere else but him. There are still suppressed noises from the other table. "What do you like to do in your free time?"

"Seriously?" Dean automatically looks over to the other table, and the two women are so red in the face, they might explode any minute.

"Yes, Dean. I need to know."

Dean leans on his arm and tries to hide his face behind his hand, blocking out their spectators. "I don't know. I like fixing cars. And I've been to the shooting range a few times."

"That's good. Let's go."

They walk past the women, and Dean tries very much to ignore them, but he can still feel a bit of warmth creeping onto his face. He stays behind Castiel and only catches up with him when they are outside their line of sight.

Of course, he immediately gets lectured for that. "You want to know what I read about dream walking? First of all, you need focus. The more collected you are, the easier it is for your dream catcher to hold on to you. The better I can hold onto you, the safer you are from falling. If two girls distract you, I'm not sure we'll get very far."

"I wasn't distracted by them. It's just- I mean, they acted like the two of us had a date."

Dean can feel another flash of heat on his face, and Cas stops in the middle of the corridor, fixating him. "And?"

"I don't know, Cas. Do you want to give them that impression?"

"I don't care about them, Dean. The only person I care about right now is you. And the only person you should worry about is your brother."

Dean feels guilt growing inside of him, but he doesn't want to give in. "Hey, I do worry about my brother, okay? I'm just saying that I don't want to embarrass you."

"Embarrass me?" Castiel walks closer and searches Dean's eyes like he can read his answers in there. "Why would I be embarrassed? You're obviously a very attractive man, gifted in various crafts, with a good sense of humor and endless love for your family. I don't see the downside."

He wants to answer, but Dean has a hard time even breathing, and Cas probably thinks that he agrees. "Does that mean we can start?"

Dean's brain finally gets back in gear, and sadly it also activates his big mouth. "I don't know. Right now I'm thinking about asking you out for coffee."

Castiel laughs. An actual, appreciating, happy sound from deep within. Still, he shakes his head. "I thought you didn't want to give the wrong impression."

Back in the kitchen, Dean would have done anything to make their breakfast look strictly professional, but now he's not so sure anymore. He doesn't quite have a word for it, but somehow he just 'likes' Cas. And when they start bantering like this, it's hard not to turn his charm on and flirt with him.

But maybe that's just a lingering feeling from yesterday, so Dean shrugs his shoulders with a smile. Castiel starts to move again, and Dean follows him with a tingling sensation in his stomach. Maybe that's what he needs to start walking.

Dean and Castiel spent two hours at the shooting range, worked a while in the garage, had lunch together, and hang out in the library for a while. Nothing worked. Dean is so frustrated, he skips dinner and just heads to his room.

He started walking over and over again over the last few weeks, and now that he finally has a dream catcher, he just can't do it. He buries his fist in his pillow and flops down on his bed. For a while he just sits there, staring at his bookshelf, and hoping that his rage will calm down again.

When he feels like he can breathe again, Dean grabs a book he found in the library. Kevin didn't give it to him, but Dean thought it was more interesting than everything else he read. It's not a real book, but more of a journal. Dean doesn't know the author, but they must have been a dream walker. It includes stories from missions and more personal experience than other books.

He flips through it, just to calm himself down when a few words catch his eye. "The first walk." Eagerly, he finds the beginning of the paragraph and starts to read.

"A lot of people I talked to, described the first walk like taking a trip down memory lane. I had walks like that as well. In the beginning. But there was this one time; it was different. And that's the one; I'd call my first. When people ask me, I tell them a tale about Bill and me having a beer together, and finally hitting it off, but we both know the truth.

It's true that Bill brought up some memories and knew he would walk with me. But afterward, I had troubles starting a walk again. I think there were times when Bill wanted to give up on me. But then I met her. I met Mary."

Dean feels like somebody pushed a knife through his heart and has to catch his breath for a moment. His mother's name was Mary, too. It's just a stupid coincidence, but the pain is real. He wishes he could take a look at her picture, but it's still at their apartment. Instead, he closes his eyes for a moment, imagining her face. She'd tell him to keep fighting, to watch out for his brother. "I'll get him back, mom. I promise."

He whispers the words to himself and looks at the journal again. "Okay, stranger. Let's see how your Mary was like."

"She was beautiful and delicate like a deer, sweet as honey, and so full of love, it was enough for the both of us. But I had to get there first. Through a wall of fierceness and strength.

I first met her a the shooting range. She endlessly mocked me, until I dared her to find out who was the better shot. She accepted, looking me dead in the eye, sure of herself. At that moment, we both knew that I would lose.

But then something changed. To this day, I can't quite put it in words. It was like taking a step into an adjacent reality. Everything was still the same, and at the same time different.

I remember turning to the targets. I saw them clear as day, closer than before, and huge. It was impossible to miss. My hands just moved on their own, handling the gun. It took just a few seconds, but I hit my mark every time.

Bill came running in just a minute later, scolding me for walking without him. And Mary, oh, she mocked me even more. I might have won our little contest, but only because of her. I lost myself in her. And giving up control was the only thing that made me keep it."

Dean flips the page, but there's only the start of another entry. "Well, that's not cryptic as fuck at all." With a sigh, he reads the last sentence again. Giving up control. That's something he's not good at. But what gets him the most, is the beginning of the story.

The description fits so well to what happened when Dean has been at the shooting range with Cas before they saved Anna. He's been a good shot before, but suddenly it seemed easier. Was that his first walk?

He throws the journal onto the bed and heads out the door. He needs to know now. He barely knocks on Castiel's door before he pushes it open. The only thing that makes him stop for a moment are Cas' clothes. He's wearing sweatpants and a gray shirt. It's so different from his usual getup that Dean just keeps staring at him.

At least until Cas puts his book aside and gets up. "Do you need something?"

"I just had an idea. You have to come with me."

Castiel looks down at himself. "Do I need to change?"

"You don't need to wear that trench coat every time you leave the room, you know?" Cas nods but looks unsure. Dean smiles reassuring. "Don't worry. It's just the shooting range."

  
The whole room is dark, and they have to activate the targets before they start. Then Dean gets himself a weapon and heads back to Cas. "Okay, can you correct my stance?"

"Dean, we've been here for hours today. I don't see why-"

"Please, Cas. I swear this is different." Dean tries to imitate Sam's puppy eyes, and Cas rolls his eyes at him but starts to move him into position. Dean deliberately makes a total fool of himself to lengthen the progress.

While Cas kicks his feet closer together and straightens his back, Dean breathes as calm as possible, determined to have the same experience as last time.

"Dean, your arms." Of course, Dean knows what Cas means. It's the same thing he did wrong the last time, but he keeps playing dumb.

"What?"

Castiel doesn't answer, but steps behind him and puts his hands on Dean's shoulders to push them down. Then his hands slide along Dean's arms, putting them in position as well. Cas' chest is pressed against Dean's back now, and he's looking over his shoulder for a better aim. "You're off."

Dean moves in the wrong direction, and Castiel pushes against his hand. "No." His hand is curled around Dean's while he corrects him. "There."

His voice is so close now that Dean can feel it on his skin. He's getting there. "Can you do the shot?"

There's a little laugh coming from Cas. "How are you planning on getting better when I'm the one doing everything for you?"

"I know what I'm doing, okay? Trust me."

Castiel doesn't answer. Instead, his face comes even closer to Dean. This time, they don't touch, but Dean can still feel the heat. Cas moves his hand along Dean's, his finger pushing down to pull the trigger, and his voice becomes a whisper. "Breathe."

Dean holds his breath, one second, two. Cas takes the shot, and Dean's eyes close, but he keeps it that way. He feels the recoil, and instead of steadying himself against it, he lets himself fall.

Usually, he would be afraid to stumble into Cas and bring them both out of balance. Now, he gives up control. The air pours out of him, and there's a tug at his stomach like someone hooked a string to his navel and is pulling him back.

For a moment, it's like falling, but then he's pushed into Cas who doesn't waver at all. In fact, Dean feels like the force presses him against a brick wall.

"Dean?"

He doesn't dare to open his eyes, but he already knows it worked. Everything is the same, but still different. When he peeks through his eyelids, the targets stand out like beacons that just want to be shot.

With a smile, he turns around, and Cas' eyes grow wide. "You're walking."

Dean laughs and hits Castiel's chest. "Told you it's different. It worked. It worked."

Still grinning like an idiot, he turns around and empties the clip, hitting everything correctly. Castiel pulls up the targets and nods appreciatively. "Cassie will be pleased."

"Oh yeah. Give me a zombie apocalypse any time."

He thinks about getting more ammunition when Cas is stepping next to him. "How did you know this would work?"

"Because we did it before. Remember when we were here before we saved Anna? After you-" He's struggling with his words for a moment because he doesn't want to say 'touched'. "Corrected my stance, my shooting improved like magic. I think I started walking without realizing it."

Castiel nods, his face grim. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"What? Why?"

"I know that you're walking right now, I should have sensed it back then. I've been so invested in not catching anybody that I missed it."

Dean waves his hand dismissively. "Forget it. Just tell me how to keep walking."

Castiel closes his eyes for a moment. "The link is weak. I'm not sure it will hold. We should start fresh tomorrow."

"Hell no, I'm not starting all over again."

"This is the standard process, Dean. The dream walker and his catcher make the connection, they walk together, and then they sever it again. And each day it grows stronger."

Shaking his head, Dean grabs the gun to put it away. "Every day? I don't have days, Cas. I wasted enough time as it is. Isn't there any way to improve the connection? You know, a quicker way?"

Cas follows Dean, hitting all the light switches behind them. "Usually, the connection grows stronger the longer it's held up. If we don't sever it-"

Dean puts his weapon back into the gun locker and nods. "That's it. We just keep it up. That way it grows stronger a lot quicker and I don't have to start it up again. I don't care if I have to keep awake for days-"

"You don't." Cas waves him along, and they head back into the corridors. "Sleep is not a big issue. One of the most difficult things is to keep up the connection over far distances. If you want it to remain, we need to stay close."

"How close?"

Like demonstrating the problem, Cas walks a little closer, his arm brushing against Dean's. It's not much, but Dean feels the pull in his stomach again. "You started the connection when I touched you."

Dean nods, ignoring the fact that Cas is way more secure in saying the things he means than Dean is. "Let me guess. The closer, the better?"

"Exactly."

They walk in silence for a moment, and Dean argues with himself. Maybe starting fresh tomorrow isn't such a bad idea after all. He knows how to start it know; he should be able to do it again.

Castiel has other plans, though. When they reach his room, he holds open the door and gestures inside. "After you."

Usually, Dean wouldn't mind the situation. He often shared his bed with his brother when they were younger, and Sammy couldn't sleep. This is different, though. By now, sleeping in one bed with someone is solely the byproduct of having had sex beforehand.

To make sure they're on the same page, Dean is about to start a huge discussion about the rules. Hands on top of the covers, sleeping on the back, wearing enough clothes, and everything else he can think of in the next five minutes.

But Cas doesn't care. He crawls under the sheets on one side of the bed and turns off the light. Dean watches him from the door and is still standing there when Cas finally found a comfortable sleeping position.

Only when Dean can feel their connection slipping, he takes a step forward, and Cas sits up again to look at him. "Dean, what are you doing?"

"I'm used to sleeping alone."

"Then get unused to it, or let go of the connection."

Dean shakes his head and walks over to the bed. "I told you, I don't want that."

This seals the deal for Cas. He lies back down and turns to the side, away from where Dean is supposed to sleep. Taking a quiet but deep breath, Dean slowly gets into the bed, turning off the light as well.

For a moment, he considers to sleep like this, but the rooms in the bunker can be a little chilly. Carefully, he lifts the sheet and drapes it over himself. There's warmth washing over him from Cas' side. He wonders how somebody can become that hot in the span of two minutes.

It's comforting, but Dean doesn't dare to move closer. Instead, he stares up at the ceiling and thinks about Sam until Cas' breathing becomes deeper and more regular. Dean worries for a second about losing the connection, but it just changed a bit. Like they switched to another tune on the radio. And he can feel Cas. It's a weird thing to think, but that doesn't make it any less real. It's like sitting under a tree at sunset, wind rustling through its leaves. Lively, but calm and peaceful.

Dean's plan to stay awake to keep himself under control fails under these conditions. Eventually, he leans back against the headboard and closes his eyes. It only takes a minute until he falls asleep.


	12. Training Day

_We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep._  
_\- William Shakespeare_

* * *

 

 

Dean wakes up in a warm, comfortable haze, but startles when he opens his eyes. "Son of a bitch!"

Castiel is sitting next to him, watching him like a good movie. He furrows his eyebrows while Dean tries to regulate his breathing. "Good morning, Dean."

"Jesus, Cas. That's just creepy." Cas tilts his head, still watching him, and Dean finally sits up and leans against the head of the bed. "You don't do that to people while they sleep. Why are you watching me?"

"I need to use the bathroom, but the connection is too week. I can't reach the door."

Finally, Dean remembers why he's even in this bed and realizes that something else is different. He didn't dream about Sam. For the first time since he arrived in the bunker, he had a good night's sleep. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed to sleep."

Dean can't deny it, but the way Cas states the fact, makes him suspicious. "Did you do something to me?"

"Our connection might influence your sleep and dreams, but I wouldn't deliberately do something to you without asking first."

"Okay." Dean can feel the honesty in Cas' words, and nods slowly. "That's good."

Castiel just keeps watching him, and Dean remembers why he's sitting there. "Uhm, we should maybe get you to the bathroom."

"I'd be thankful for that."

Dean laughs. "No offense, but you're a little weird sometimes."

Cas just shrugs his shoulders, probably used to people saying this about him. Dean doesn't wait for an answer but crawls out of bed, and Cas follows him on the spot. This time, Dean opens the door for Cas, but when he slips through, and Dean wants to close the door, it's like something is ripping his heart out.

Without thinking, he opens the door again and steps into the room. Cas already has his hands on the waistband of his pants and looks at him with pleading eyes. "Dean, I need to-"

Dean nods hectically. "I know, believe me. I just- the connection."

Castiel rolls his eyes but walks past him. "Come on."

When Dean feels the pull again, he hurries to catch up to Cas. They walk through the corridors, and Dean knows where Cas is heading. To the common bathroom. As soon as they are inside, he heads into one of the stalls, and Dean walks into the one next to it.

Already here, it might be a good idea to take care of his own business. The problem is, he can't. He doesn't have a shy bladder when he's in a public bathroom, but that's different from just being in here with one other person.

He looks down at himself, trying to will himself to pee, but nothing happens. The longer it takes, the more he becomes aware of the silence in the room. Castiel obviously has the same problem, and Dean can't keep himself from teasing him. "I thought you had to go so bad."

"I'm used to go alone."

"Then get unused to it." His grin is audible in Dean's voice, and so is the grunt coming from the other stall.

After a moment, Cas starts to murmur incoherent words. Dean can only make out a few of them. "Water. Shower. Drops. Waterfall."

It's pretty clear what his catcher is trying to do, and a few seconds later, it works. Dean tries his best not to listen, but his body already reacts to the sound. He doesn't anticipate what follows next, though.

Although he didn't have to go so bad, he feels more relieved than ever before. A long sigh escapes his mouth, and his hand grabs the top of the stall. "Holy-" Dean bites his lips to shut up, and works on getting his breathing under control. When he finally manages to pull his pants back up, his knees feel weak.

Outside the stall, Cas is already waiting for him, and for once he's not too keen to meet Dean's eyes. Dean leans back against the door and watches him. "Anything you want to tell me? I mean, I had orgasms worse that that. What did just happen?"

Castiel is fussing with his shirt and still doesn't look at Dean. "I'm sorry, Dean. I forgot to suppress my feelings. As long as we have the connection, you can feel what I feel on top of your feelings. And I really had to go."

Dean laughs. "Yeah, I noticed that." Still chuckling, he pushes himself off the door and taps Cas' shoulder to make him walk with him. "Double the fun, huh? Does that work with everything?"

Glad that Dean doesn't mind what happened, Cas finally looks at him again. "Yes. Happiness, sadness. If we feel different about something, the feelings might cancel each other out. But if we feel the same, it can be overwhelming."

"But you said you could suppress it?"

"Yes. It's just been so long that I walked with someone." Cas swallows visibly and shrugs his shoulders like shaking off a bad feeling. This time, Dean can't feel a thing. "I just forgot."

"No problem, man. I guess it's a good idea if you turn it off for now. I already have my hands full with the walking alone." Cas nods and Dean follows the thought to the end. "Can I turn it off as well?"

"With more training, you would be able to do it, but you don't have to. In fact, it's better if I know what you feel. That way it's easier to catch you."

Of course, that makes sense, but Dean's not sure how he feels about it. "Little invasive, don't you think?"

"It is, and I'm sorry about that, Dean. Usually, a Walker and his catcher go very slow, form a bond, get to know each other, build trust. You are the one who wanted the quick way."

"Yeah well, I can't afford the long way."

They walk back to the room in silence, and when Cas starts to pull out fresh clothes from the dresser in his room, Dean realizes that there's more to come. Knowing full well that Dean understands, Cas doesn't even comment on it. Instead, they walk to Dean's room, and when he got some fresh clothes as well, they head back to the common bathroom.

Still silent, they get out of their clothes with their backs to each other and head for the showers, wrapped in towels. Out of habit, as not to make somebody uncomfortable, Dean would usually leave one shower empty between the two of them, but the connection doesn't allow it yet.

They're just as close as in the toilet, and this time, they could even look at each other. Dean occupies himself with finding the right temperature while Cas immediately dives under the water. Turning around, Dean steps under the water as well. He tries his best to relax, but somehow he still feels awkward. As usual, that makes him talk. "Good water pressure."

Cas turns his head to him but stays under the water, and nods. "Yes."

He doesn't seem to be shy or embarrassed at all, so Dean decides not to worry too much. Unoccupied with concern, his mind goes to different places instead. "Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Can you- um, can you turn it on for a second?"

The question is not exactly precise, but Cas understands. To Dean's utmost horror. From one second to the other, he feels like drowning. The water seems to be everywhere, even in him. Rising from his feet, rushing through his veins and flooding his mind. But that's not the worst of it. There's heat. So much heat. Dean gives himself approximately one more second to live, after that he will turn to ashes.

To him, it feels like an eternity, but after what must have been a few seconds, the feeling is gone. Cas raises an eyebrow at him, still not leaving the spurt of the water. "Are you okay?"

For a short while, Dean just breathes in the steamy air before he finally nods. "I just burnt at the stake, what do you think?" Without thinking, he reaches over the wall to put his hand under the water in Cas' shower. "How hot is that?"

Feeling burnt, he pulls his hand back a second later. Remembering the heat that was coming from Cas the night before, he starts to wonder. "Please tell me you're not a dragon or something like that."

There's a slight smile on Cas' lips, but he shakes his head. "I just find hot showers to be very enjoyable."

"Yeah right." Dean squeezes cold shampoo into his still burning hand. "Right up until that moment when your skin slowly melts off your bones."

Cas' smile gets wider, but he doesn't answer and just stays under the water with closed eyes. When Dean already rinses off shampoo and shower gel, Cas finally starts to soap himself. That gives Dean a lot of time to dry himself off and a good idea how it takes Cas so much time even to show up for breakfast.

Dressing is the only thing Cas does quickly, and after they brought their dirty clothes back to their room, they finally head to the kitchen. At this hour of the day, it's pretty packed in here, and Dean notices the last two people he wanted to see. The two girls who couldn't stop watching them the day before. "Cas, don't look, but who are these two?"

"Who?"

"The two girls from yesterday." The description is a little thin, but Dean pictures them in his mind, and recognition shows on Cas' face. "Becky and Lisa."

Dean follows Cas around the room, knowing full well that he looks like a duckling behind its mom, but he can't help but think of the connection. "What are they? Libs or-?"

"Civilians." Cas points at a few different cereal boxes, and although Dean doesn't answer, he picks the one Dean wants. "They help us with finding libs, for example with social media, and bring them in. Some way or the other, they came in context with us, and we try to explain to them what it means. Most of them decide to help."

"Can't turn them?"

Cas pushes a bowl in front of him and pours milk over his cereal. Again, he stops before Dean can tell him to. "We're not vampires, Dean."

Dean takes out two spoons and pulls them in their bowls, carrying them along so Cas can get them cups for their coffee. "Have you ever tried to bite somebody?"

"No." For a moment Cas stays still, focusing on Dean's throat like he's thinking about it right now.

"Hilarious." Dean pouts and Cas walks over to the coffee machine and fills their cups.

"You're right. There have been some people who tried to pass the gift along, but it never worked. You either have it or not."

"Well, lucky me."

They walk over to the tables, taking two spaces left next to a lot of people Dean doesn't know. At least here Dean doesn't have to worry about their connection. They squeeze themselves in between the others and the wall, and their bowls are so close together that they could eat out of one.

"What is it?"

Cas is watching him, and Dean realizes his distress just now. "How do you-?" He remembers how Cas just somehow answered and did things before Dean even knew what he wanted. And now he's asking about Dean's condition right when he feels weird. "You don't read my mind, do you?"

"No." This time, Cas looks like he has to keep himself from laughing. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"You're not doing a good job. If you don't read my mind, then what? Do you just generally see the future."

"It's not mind reading. I don't see your thoughts. It's more like a notion. When you subconsciously decide to do something, I have the urge to do the same. The only reason why it looks like seeing the future to you is that I trained for this."

"So you're saying you're just very good at picking other people's brains? Maybe you're more of a zombie than a vampire."

Cas shakes his head. "You should eat."

A second later, Dean's stomach roars and he glares at Cas. "You're good. Creepy, but good."

"You haven't answered my question. Something is bothering you."

Dean gulps down a few spoons full of cereal before he answers. "I just feel watched, you know? By them."

Becky and Lisa sit across the room, and Becky doesn't have much talent when it comes to being subtle. She turns half her body around just to get a glimpse at Dean. Cas, on the other hand, doesn't even lift his head. "We might have to work on your perception."

"Why?"

"I don't think they're looking at us. I believe that they're looking at you."

It's hard to tell with Dean almost sitting in Cas' lap, but he tries to remember the last time. It's true that they seemed focused on him rather than Cas. Dean just assumed it's because he's the new guy. "So what? Are they judging if I'm good enough for you?"

Finally, Cas looks up, focusing on Dean and reading his expression. "I think their motives are much more egoistic."

Dean knows that Cas wants to tell him something, but he's just not getting it. "Fine, just hit me with the obvious."

"If they are judging anything, it's you. Probably ascertaining if you are a suitable partner for one of them. I'd say, Lisa, based on their behavior."

"Yeah sure. They're just checking me out."

Cas doesn't react to his sarcastic tone, and Dean can't help but look over at the other table. When he does, Lisa is looking at him as well, and he smiles at her. Even with how far apart they sit, Dean can make out a little blush on her face. She turns her head away for a moment but risks another glance at him.

Maybe Cas wasn't wrong after all. Dean feels like being back in high school, watching the cheerleader table. His smile grows wider, more daring, and Lisa smiles back. She holds his gaze just long enough to make his senses tingle before she turns to her friend again.

To not be creepy, Dean looks away as well. Still, he can't stop to wonder, and after he finished his cereal, he risks it again. It only takes a moment for Lisa to look up as well, and their eyes meet. She's not blushing anymore, but a very telling smile appears on her face.

It's more daring than before, now that she can see his interest. He lifts his eyebrows, challenging her, but she gets sidetracked by her friend while Cas nudges his side with his elbow. "I'm glad you finally caught on, but can you keep your flirting to times when we don't share a mind?"

Dean's still not sure how much Cas can feel or see in his mind, but he gets that it might be confusing. "I'm sorry, but I can't change what I'm thinking, with you in there or not."

Cas grunts, obviously not pleased with his lax attitude, but Dean's interests lie somewhere else. "So what's she doing? Recruiting people?"

"Besides other things. I think she gives yoga lessons."

"Yoga huh? So, she's bendy?" Dean wiggles his eyebrows at Cas, and again he can't help what he's thinking. To Cas repeated distress.

"Dean!"

A few heads turn to them, and Dean shrugs his shoulders while Cas glances at him. "I said I'm sorry. I'm trying to occupy myself with other things, but it's not like you present a lot of excitement."

"You want excitement? And physical activity?"

"Yes?" Asked like that, Dean isn't so sure anymore, but Castiel's eyes sparkle with something Dean hasn't seen before. Mischief?

"Good. I have just the thing for you. Come on."

"Close combat training?" Dean turns around in the small gym, desperately looking for yoga mats. "You're serious about that."

"Very."

Of course, he is. So far, Cas hasn't been much about joking.

"I'm already awesome with a gun. And you said I'd be even better while walking. What do I need combat training for?"

Since the moment Dean has realized what Cas was up to, he complained, and Cas kept looking at him like he's a child who doesn't want to eat his vegetables. "For all those times when you don't have a gun."

"Why wouldn't I have a gun?"

"Do you have one now?"

Dean huffs a laugh. "It's not like I need one now."

He's met with Cas' death stare. It's the last thing he sees clearly for the next two seconds. He feels like falling and turning at the same time. A moment later, he's lying flat on his back on the floor. Cas is on top of him, one of his knees pressing lightly against Dean's throat. If he was to shift his weight just a tiny bit, it might not be so good for Dean. "Wow, you gotta teach me how to do that."

Cas rolls his eyes and stands up. "Guess what I'm trying to do here."

He helps Dean up as well who keeps grinning at him. "Admit it; you liked that. Showing off a bit, getting me on my back. You could have just asked, you know?"

A second later, Dean finds himself on the floor again, Cas standing over him. "Why waste words?"

  
Compared to the shooting, the combat training is pure horror for Dean. It's one thing to operate something in your hand with one finger. It's something entirely different to work your whole body.

Although Cas is not a walker, he outsmarts Dean with every move. Even his speed and strength can't help Dean here. He can feel it, the air around his body when he moves. It's like driving on a motorcycle by just punching the air.

Cas makes him hit a few different things. Mats, a punchbag, and even wood. He breaks a lot of stuff, but the second he tries to strike Cas again, he fails. "How can you be faster than I am?"

"I'm not, you just lack control."

Dean takes a few deep breaths. That's the other thing. He might have some mental super power, but his body is still an asshole. He has some muscle from his work, and can very well outrun somebody. Still, stamina is not his thing. "How long are you planning on doing this to me?"

Every time Dean asks a question like this, Cas stops for a moment. It's like he's checking their connection, or better, Dean. Cas isn't asking if Dean is out of breath, if he needs a break, or if something is hurting him. He just knows it and acts on it. "We better do something to relax you, or you will have sore muscles tomorrow. Lie down."

"Why don't you just get me on my back again?"

Cas raises an eyebrow at him and points to one of the mats in front of them. "I think you've been manhandled enough for one day."

Dean just rolls his eyes at Cas. He knows it's a joke, but he still feels a little tingle deep down in his stomach. He does his best to ignore it so that it won't show up on Cas' radar.

It earns him a sound of surprise from Cas. "Not bad. For a moment, I lost track of you."

"And that's a good thing?" Dean lies down, and Cas gets to his knees beside him.

"As I told you, you don't have to do it with me, but it's a good thing to be in control of yourself. If it doesn't tire you too much, you can keep practicing."

Dean nods and Cas holds up his hands. "I'm going to touch you if that's okay?"

"Nice or hurtful?"

"I'm not sure how nice it is, but it might prevent a hurtful tomorrow."

"Then it's okay I guess."

Cas rubs his hands together for a moment like he needs to warm them before he places them on Dean's shoulders. They're hot. His fingers dig into Dean's muscles, and stroke along his neck up to his ears. The touch is light, but with purpose.

When Cas' fingertips ghost along Dean's hairline and down his neck again, Dean starts to practice. He keeps practicing while Cas massages his arms and chest. He almost loses his shit when Cas arrives at his hips and starts to knead his thighs. Dean knows it's just to loosen him up, but it's been a while since someone touched him in detail. Even with trying to control his mind, he can't help the little shivers that run up and down his spine. It only gets worse when Cas gets back to his arms, and above all, his hands.

His fingertips caress the skin on the back of Dean's hand before he turns them around and digs his thumbs into the palm. Dean notices how not only his hand gives in, but his whole body turns into goo. Worries fly away, the endless train of thought in his head stops, and he feels like he might start to levitate any second. Although there's nothing sexual about it, Cas touching his hands is more intimate than anything somebody else has ever done to him. It makes him wonder why. It's not that he had a lack of partners over the years. Somehow they just never took the time to get to know all of him. And to his shame, he never did it to anybody else.

Maybe that's what makes him close his fingers around Cas' hand. It's supposed to last for a little moment, just to show Cas that Dean cares. But he's too comfortable to move very much, and he can feel his eyes closing on their accord. It might be a good idea just to keep them that way for another moment. Just a few seconds.

  
When Dean wakes up from his nap, he hastily looks around himself. He can feel the connection slipping, and Cas is nowhere in sight. Dean wants to jump to his feet, but then Cas comes out of one of the adjacent rooms. "Don't worry; I'm here."

With every step Cas makes in his direction, Dean feels better. He even reaches for his walker, and Cas grabs his hand again. "Did you dream something bad again?"

Dean shakes his hand, finally realizing what he's doing. He squeezes Cas' hand for a moment and lets go of him. It's not like the man is his mommy, and he needs a bedtime story. "I just thought I lost the connection."

Cas keeps watching him like a baby he wants to care for, and Dean turns his gaze to the door. "How far have you been away?"

"Just the other room, but it's an excellent distance for your first day."

Dean nods, still a little embarrassed. "Sorry, I fell asleep."

"I take it as a compliment," Castiel smiles. "Unless I lacked excitement again."

"No, no, it's fine." Dean keeps staring at Cas' smile, feeling like he has to savor them, rare as they are. "I think I had enough excitement for the moment. Can we do something chill for now?"

"Most certainly."

This time, it's Cas who reaches for Dean's hand. It's just to help him up of course, but neither Dean nor Cas let go afterward. It's not exactly like holding hands, more a brush of fingers, but it's a connection.

They only part when they're back in the showers, washing off the sweat from the training. Dean's water might not be as hot as Cas', but this time, he stays under the water just as long. He relives Cas' touches, concentrating on his muscles, and blames it on the shower. He might get away with it, even without blocking his feelings from Cas. And if his catcher understands what he remembers right now, well, then it can't be helped.

  
Dean and Cas spend the rest of the day in the library. Dean doesn't quite get the need, but Cas convinces him that any knowledge can only be good for him. The more you know, right? Dean picks a few books he usually wouldn't even read with a gun to his head. A few hours later, he read all of them. It's not like Dean can mesmerize all of it, but he has a good idea what they are about. In the end, he feels smarter somehow. They're sitting in the two chairs by the fire again, and whenever Dean thinks about something in the books, he just blurts it out.

Usually, he's not an avid reader, and never felt the need to talk about the few books he managed to read. Exchanging his thoughts about a book didn't seem like a nice activity to him. Now it does. It's like using his brain for the first time, and Cas doesn't judge him, even when he has a different opinion. He just listens and often stays quiet for a while to think about Dean's ideas.

He respects Dean opinions and thoughts, and it leaves a warm feeling in Dean's chest. Aside from Sammy, not many people care about him in that way. He's the funny idiot you can talk to about cars. His boss never cared for any of his suggestions to make work easier for all of them. If anything, he's been the pretty face you can show around a bit and have fun with. For one night at least. He's not dependable.

"Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think- Well, I was thinking- Would you-? I mean, can you imagine-? What if I-" He grunts in frustration, and Cas watches him with a little smile.

"Dean I don't think your mind knows what you're trying to say."

Dean nods. "I had a thought, but putting it in words- I don't know, I'm sorry."

"No problem."

Cas turns to his book again, but Dean feels like he read enough for today. "What are you reading?" Without a word, Cas turns the book around. Both pages show pictures of paintings. Dean raises his eyebrows in wonder. "You're looking at pictures? Why don't you read something?"

"There's nothing for me to read." He puts the book back in his lap and turns the page.

Dean huffs a laugh. "Good news, pal. There's a library out there."

Turning another page, Cas smiles lightly. "I've read everything in that library."

"Everything? I haven't been in there for long, but if you just assume there's a total of 10000 books, each of them with 100000 words, and you're reading at an average of 350 words per minute, you'd be reading for about five years. And that's just me guessing the numbers. But sure, you read everything."

Instead of answering his question, Cas stares at him. "I have no idea what you just said. I'm not good with numbers."

Dean laughs. His mind circles everything he knows about Cas. From acting like he has a stick up his ass, over being a total badass with a gun to fighting for free will. And then this. "You're not- not good with numbers."

He's not sure why it's so hilarious to him, and Cas just shrugs his shoulders. "They don't speak to me."

Wiping away tears from his eyes, Dean takes a few deep breaths. "Well, they talk to me, and they say that you can't possibly read all these books. I mean, how long have you been down here?"

"All my life, I guess."

Dean swallows. "Don't tell me you grew up in here?! Are you sure that you're not a dragon?"

Castiel laughs, and Dean can't help but do too. "It's no big deal, Dean. I've just been here almost every day growing up. My parents were very involved, and they thought it was best to train Hannah and me as early as possible. But we didn't practice all day, and while waiting for our parents, we just read most of the time."

"Because there's nothing else to do in a freaking bunker."

"What would you have done?" Castiel watches Dean with that intense look of endless curiosity and Dean shrugs.

"Probably annoyed the grown-ups, crawled through the air shafts, tried to get outside."

"All of this was against the rules."

"Oh yeah." Dean grunts. "Because you're such a stickler for rules."

There's still a smile on Cas' face, and he sighs. "I was back then."

They leave it at that for a moment, until Dean comes to a discrepancy in Cas' story. "I thought Chuck started all this. You couldn't have been here as a kid. Chuck isn't that old."

"How old do you think he is."

Dean brings up Chuck's face in his mind. "I don't know, late thirties? Forty tops."

"You can add about ten years to that."

"No way."

Cas just nods matter-of-factly. "It seems you haven't come across one of the most interesting books by now. Dream catchers age slower than other liberi somniorum."

"Why? Are they getting more sleep?"

Dean meant it as a joke, but Cas nods again. "Some believe it to be the reason. It's possible the readers share the dream when they see it, and profit from the advantages sleep usually brings."

"And dream walkers? Don't get me wrong; I like my face as it is, but I don't want to look still like this when I'm 80."

"You certainly don't need to worry about that. The average life span of walkers is quite low. They're too prone to accidents and early deaths."

"Very reassuring, Cas. Thank you very much."

It's a joke, but Cas' gaze bores into him. "I'm just trying, to be honest with you. A lot of those deaths come from falling, and I won't let it come to that. If it were up to me, you'd die with gray hair in an armchair, surrounded by three generations of family."

"Is that a proposal?" The words slip out of Dean's mouth before he can stop them.

Cas closes the book and puts it on the little table in front of them. "Maybe. I'd call it a life long promise."

Dean's heart does a little summersault to that, liking the idea of a friend until the end. "No offense, Cas, but sometimes you're just a tiny bit overdramatic."

"I'm rather overdramatic than letting you die."

"Quod erat demonstrandum."


	13. How To Weave

_People who are most afraid of their dreams convince themselves they don’t dream at all._  
_\- John Steinbeck_

* * *

 

 

“Are you even trying?” Ruby’s voice echoes through the room, and Sam walks away from her, throwing his hands in the air.

“Of course I do. It’s just way harder than I thought. Why don’t you try to move objects around with your freaking mind.”

They both stay silent for a moment before Ruby follows Sam and puts a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to push you; I wanna get out of this place."

“I know.” Sam gives her a weak smile and tries his best to collect himself before focusing on the dices on the table. He’s supposed to make them roll around or leap into the air. Hell, just getting one to fall over would be enough but so far they haven’t moved at all.

Ruby is present in his mind, and Sam can feel her determination, but he’s the one who has to do it. Not that he wants to. Ruby’s plan to get out of here by training his skills makes a lot of sense, but Sam’s not sure yet if it’s the only way. Aside from that, he doesn’t fully trust her.

After their first talk, he’s been thinking back, and Ruby showing up right after Sam announced that he wouldn’t work for Crowley was too much of a coincidence. Even if she’s not in cahoots with Crowley, it could be his plan to force Sam to use his abilities. For now, he wants to wait as long as possible before he shows Ruby any of his skills.

When he stared at the dice for a while, he dramatically puts a hand over his face and sighs. “I don’t think I can do it today. I’m so tired. Can we start fresh tomorrow?”

Ruby rolls her eyes with a sigh way worse than his. “If they let us.” She walks over to the door and knocks three times. It takes a few minutes for it to open and their usual guards are behind it to bring them to their cells.

Sam is back at the small room, but after their first training session, they started to bring Ruby to another place. Sam guesses that they’re trying to make sure they only practice their skills while Crowley’s men have an eye on them. It’s different when he’s in his cell, though. They still bring him food but otherwise they leave him alone, and Sam puts that time to good use.

He knows it’s dangerous to use his abilities while he doesn’t have a connection to Ruby. They made that clear when the two of them started their training, but Sam wants to get better without anyone knowing. Not even Ruby.

Lying on his bed, he pictures Dean in his head and tries to convince himself that he’s able to reach his brother. Sometimes it feels like Dean is right there next to him. Sam even tries to talk to him, but Dean never reacts. When Sam concentrates, even more, he can see more around Dean, like rooms and people, but all of it is unfamiliar, and Sam isn’t sure if he sees Dean or just imagines what he wants to see. In the end, he always starts to feel dizzy and doesn’t dare to go any further.

He wants to get out of here, but falling is not an option. He won’t give Crowley the satisfaction. If Sam’s attempts to get out of here on his own fail, he’d at least make sure to take as many of Crowley’s people with him as he can.

 


	14. By The Book

_Dreaming is an act of pure imagination, attesting all men a creative power, which if it were available in waking, would make every man a Dante or Shakespeare._  
_\- H. F. Hedge_

* * *

 

 

Castiel slides onto the chair next to Dean when most of the other people leave the kitchen. It's unusually early for him, and he looks the part. Dean's not even sure if Cas' eyes are open, and his head almost rests on his cup of coffee.

Dean keeps his voice as low as possible. "Good morning, Cas."

His catcher retaliates with a grunt and takes a sip of his coffee. "Morning."

"What are you doing up at this ungodly hour?"

Cas nurtures the cup between his hands and takes a few more sips before he speaks again. "Missed you."

Even for Dean, it's too early to deal with shit like this. There's a tingling feeling all over his body, and he has no idea how to answer. They've been sleeping in one bed for quite a while now, but he can't get used to the warmth and closeness. Even awake Cas is always right in his personal space and on top of it all, he keeps making these comments. Who says stuff like that?

After another big gulp from his cup, Cas opens his eyes a little bit more to watch Dean. "You've been up a lot earlier than usual."

"I couldn't sleep anymore."

Cas finally sets down his cup and turns to Dean. "What's bothering you?"

He doesn't need their connection to know that something is wrong, and Dean doesn't bother lying about it. "It's this place, man. Sam and I have always been on the move somehow. When there's been a construction site in another city, we were the first ones to volunteer to go there. A few hours on the road with Baby, good music, a local diner here and there to try out some burgers and pie; that's what kept me alive. This place here? It's a grave. I can't breathe."

Dean anticipates one more explanation why he can't go outside, but Cas just nods understandingly. "Ash and Charlie spread a lot of rumors where you supposedly went, and the police is looking for you anyway. I guess we can't hide you forever."

"Does that mean-?" Dean doesn't dare to hope, but Cas nods again.

"We can ask Bobby and Ellen to make the supply run in their stead. I think they'll understand."

Dean throws his arm around Cas and hugs him to his side. "Awesome. I'll ask them."

Only when he gets up from his chair, he realizes what he just did. He almost smooched Cas' cheek. Carefully he glances back, but Cas went back to his cup of coffee like nothing happened.

  
Two hours later Dean is ready to go, but one thing is holding him back. Castiel. Or better, his clothes. "Don't get me wrong, I know your trench coat is handy to handle your gear, but we're trying to blend in, right?" He moves his hand down Cas' attire to emphasize his point. "You are not blending in."

Castiel looks down and helplessly picks on his trench coat. Obviously, it's beyond him what else he could wear. Dean gets unsuspected help, though. Somehow Charlie and Anna got wind of their plans, and moments later they drag Cas to the closet.

By the time Dean catches up to them, they already pushed Cas in one of the stalls and bombard him with clothes. So far Dean has seen Cas in sweatpants and a tee, but most of the time he still wears slacks and a button down shirt after he got rid of the trench coat. Due to their sleeping situation, Dean had to get used to seeing him in just boxers, but when Cas comes out of the stall for the first time, Dean is still blown away.

Castiel in jeans. "Well, that is just wrong."

Anna shushes Dean. "Constructive criticism please."

"Yeah, I'd be glad if I could fill jeans like that." Charlie walks around Cas and whistles, but their target just looks down at himself like nothing changed.

"Are we done here?"

Dean wants to say yes. At least Cas looks normal now, but the two women have other ideas. They shove him back into the stall and make him try on a lot more pants and shirt, although Dean sometimes doesn't even see the difference.

Not that he wants to. He does his best to watch anything but Cas. It's one thing to be around him all the time and see him half-naked when there's no way around it. It's entirely different though if you have to judge clothes that hug too tight at exactly the places Dean probably shouldn't be looking at.

For the sake of Anna and Charlie, Dean keeps giving them thumbs up or down, and at some point even Garth chips in and walks Cas into one absent corner of the room. When they come back, Dean curses himself for ever suggesting another look.

They ended up putting Cas in jeans and a tee, and Garth tops off the ensemble with a leather jacket and sunglasses. It's the worst thing they could have done. Cas looks hot. Anna and Charlie are pleased with Garth additions, and Cas still doesn't care, but Dean just keeps his mouth shut. He's not sure what might come out if he doesn't.

They waste another half hour while Cas grudgingly tries to figures out where to place his weapons. He only agrees to leave some behind when Dean remembers him that now that they walk together, they should be able to handle a little trouble. Still, something is bothering him; Dean can feel it.

In the van, he's back to his controlled self, though, and Dean is too occupied with listening to music and enjoying the fact that he's outside that he doesn't pay attention to Castiel's mood. Only when the drive becomes longer and longer, and Dean realizes that they're not heading to the mall, he thinks to questions Cas' intentions again. "Are you sure this is right? We're a little far from the city."

Cas doesn't look at him. "We're not going to the city. Not yet anyway."

"So what? This isn't about me getting out of the bunker?"

"It is." Castiel sighs, a rare occurrence for him. "Partially. Your need to get out of the bunker just fell pretty conveniently in the same week I wanted to take care of something."

"Something?"

Dean can feel that Cas is somewhat shielding himself, and he should be pissed, but usually it's to protect Dean. "We're going to meet with Crowley."

A knot forms in Dean's stomach and although he has never met Crowley, he knows from everybody else that the guy is bad news. "Why? I thought he might be involved in Sam's abduction."

"He might. The more reason to talk to him. You have to understand that the only person who matters to Crowley, is Crowley. If he's working for Sayten, he has his prize. He doesn't break his deals, but you can still offer him a better one. I went over it in my mind again and again, and for now, he's our only chance. Charlie and Ash are the best, and we're making progress, but I'm not sure we can find Sam in time."

"In time for what?"

"Whatever they're planning to do with him. Sayten has used other people before, but he's never the one to take the blame in the end. Your brother would be lucky if he just ends up in jail."

Dean doesn't like any of this, but if Cas already decided, there's not much he can do to change his mind. "So this Crowley guy, what does he want that we can offer?"

Cas sighs again. "Me."

They meet under a low traveled bridge, and Dean doesn't like the two goons who get out of the car. It's clear they're checking out the place first before their boss joins them. When they're satisfied, they get a third man out of the car. He's smaller as them but carries himself as their leader. He's dressed in black from head to toe and takes his sweet, sweet time to walk over to them.

When he stops, the two men take their position at his sides, and he smiles at Cas like he already won what's about to go down. "The great Castiel. What a pleasure to meet again. As I recall, you are going to do what when we meet again? Help me out here. Kick my ass, fondle my balls, I can't remember."

Cas almost growls at him when he answers. "Rip off your arm, shove it up your ass, and reach down your throat to shake your hand."

"Ah, yes." Crowley's smile grows wider like he can't imagine a better thing. "It's a quote from a show. It's called-"

"Get to the point, Crowley."

The men's smile doesn't drop, but it's clear he would have liked to tease Cas further. "You were the one dying to meet, old friend. What can I do for you?"

Dean feels Cas growing angrier by the second, and while it might not be a good idea to touch him, he reaches for him in his mind, trying to keep him calm. Judging by Cas' face, it doesn't help. "I'm not your friend, and I already told you what I want. Sam Winchester's location."

Crowley nods approvingly. "So you haven't lost your touch after all. How did your little group get wind of the weaver?" Cas doesn't answer, but Crowley apparently knows enough about them to respond to the question himself. "Chuck, right? That little bugger always finds a grain of corn, doesn't he?"

"The location, Crowley." It's been barely a minute, and Cas is already angry with the men.

Even Crowley gets that much. "I'm sorry. I don't know where he is."

Cas turns around on the spot and waves Dean along. "Come on; we're wasting our time here."

"But-" Crowley raises his voice, and Dean suppresses a smile. "I can find out."

Dean is about to stop, but Castiel keeps moving. It's a trap, and Crowley walks right into it. "Alright, fine. I know where he will be pretty soon. It's not like a guy that big can just vanish from the face of the earth. I'm surprised you haven't found him yet."

"You saw him?" He knows he shouldn't even talk to Crowley, but Dean can't help himself. He turns around and walks right up to Crowley. "When? Where is he?"

Crowley's eyes wander from him to Cas and back. "I see. Dean Winchester, I presume?"

Dean comes so close to him that the two goons step in his way. "Where is he?" He's about to push through, but Cas puts a hand on his shoulder and pulls him back while he focuses on Crowley.

"What do you want?"

"Aww, you know quite well what I want, kitten. The same thing I always wanted. You."

For a moment, a storm of emotions rushes through Cas, but just a second later it's gone. "You give us the location now, and I'll get you what you want."

Crowley laughs, turning to one of his goons. "Did you hear that? Do you I look like a fucking moron?" He looks back to Cas, acting bewildered. "You're about to go against Luke fucking Sayten, and think you can come back from that?" From one moment to the other, his face turns red, struck with rage. "You give me what I want. Now. Or the deal is off."

In the ensuing silence, Dean can almost hear Castiel's defeat. "Back here, in two hours."

The smile is back, and Crowley walks past his goons to shake Castiel's hand. "Always nice doing business with you, Castiel. Dean." He nods to him before he walks back to his car, and it takes all Dean has not to shoot him in the back.

"You think he keeps up his end?"

Cas face says no, but he nods. "He has to."

"And if not?"

"I'll rip off his arm-"

Dean waves his hand dismissively. "Reach down his throat, shaking, I get it. Very nice. That doesn't exactly tell me what he wants. What are we going to do?"

+++

Castiel nurses a cup of coffee in his hand while Dean munches on some fries and looks up at the tall building in front of them. "So, that's it, huh?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so Crowley wants you to go in there, get an address book, and give it to him. What's the deal with that?"

"It's a unique address book. The people in there are vital to Crowley's plans."

Dean doesn't care what's important to Crowley, but if that book can get him is brother back, he'll do anything to get it. "But none of your plans to get it worked."

"No. That's why we're here. We have to come up with something."

"You are the plan guy."

Castiel furrows his brows and watches Dean as he shovels more fries in his mouth. "The man who owns the book is a collector. He doubled his security after getting the book. He doesn't know anything about its actual value, though. He thinks that it's old and that's it. But if we make an attempt to steal it and fail, he will know that's it's important and guard it even better. We can't fail, and I haven't come up with a viable plan. I don't even know how we get in there. The only people with reason to be in the building aside from being an employee would be law enforcement."

Dean grabs Cas' coffee and takes a long sip to wash down the fries. "So that's your plan right there." When Cas only gives Dean a strange look, Dean takes another sip before handing back the cup to Cas. "Acting as a cop is no problem; you just need some credentials. People are easily intimidated by a badge, and they want to help you so that you get out of their face as quickly as possible."

"We don't have credentials."

"Easy enough to make." Dean smiles, but when Cas' furrows his brows even further, Dean shrugs. "It doesn't matter anyway. Two cops walking in and taking a valuable thing won't work. We'd need a search warrant. Something official to allow us to take the thing, and I don't have input to fake that."

Cas nods along and sighs. "I guess our only option is stealing it somehow."

He takes a sip from his coffee, and they both go back to silently staring at the tall building. For several minutes, people are walking in and out. Most of them are guys in suits and women in business attire. Through the glass doors, Dean can see them showing their IDs to two men at the entrance. Dean wonders if he'd be able to fake one of those, but they might get scanned, or others might ask them where they work. It's probably best if nobody pays them much attention.

Without thinking he holds out his hand and Cas gives him the cup again, so focused on the building that the book might come out on its own. While sipping the rest of the coffee, there's finally one person that catches Dean's eye. A pizza delivery guy. His arms are full of pizza boxes, and after one suit guy holds the door open for him, the guards at the front just wave him through. Dean huffs when an idea rushes into his mind, and Cas turns to him with raised brows. "What?"

Dean smiles. "You're going to arrest me."

Dean strolls out of the elevator and right up to the counter where a busy receptionist is trying to handle visitors, colleagues and phone calls at the same time. Perfect.

With a smile, he puts down the box he's been carrying right in front of her. "Hello there! I've got a delivery for a Mr. -" Doing a little sing-song, he checks his clipboard and clicks his tongue before finally spitting out the name. "Carlson. That's it. Mr. Carlson."

The lady at the desk gives him a polite business smile, but he knows she already hates him. "Sure, where do I have to sign?"

"Oh, I'd let YOU sign just about anything." Dean bends forward to read her name tag. "Maria. But it's recipient only. I fear Mr. Carlson has to do the honors himself."

His words are bad news for Maria, but she keeps up appearances. "Mr. Carlson is at a meeting, so I have to ask you to wait."

"No problem." Dean smiles extra brightly at her. "Being in such friendly company and all."

She blushes a little bit but only gives him a polite nod before going back to work. Dean waits while she takes a phone call and directs a visitor to their waiting area but when another woman comes up to sign in, he starts tapping on the counter with his fingers and rocks back and forth on his heels.

Maria graces him with another polite smile. "Mr. Carlson might be a while. Maybe you want to come back later?"

"Nah, I'm good." Dean smiles back at her and sees her mood sink even further.

She gets back to work on her computer, and when Dean is sure she finally got her concentration back, he starts humming. It gives him way too much pleasure when she presses her lips together and turns to him with a now forced smile. "Maybe you want to sit down in the waiting area?"

Dean looks over to the neatly arranged chairs and makes a bubble with his gum. "Yeah, no. I'd rather stand."

Maria nods and turns to a man who approaches. Fearing that her patience might be endless, Dean steps up his game. He leans over to the man before Maria can say anything. "Hope you don't need to see Mr. Carlson. A hard fella to talk to."

The man shakes his head in bewilderment and turns to Maria to sign in, and Dean occupies himself with pushing the package from one side to the other while snapping a horrible tune with his tongue.

What probably does the trick is how more and more people in the waiting area lift their heads and keep watching him instead of their phones or laptops. Most glances are paired with sighs and head shakes and one man even grunts.

Maria might be able to wait him out but not the busy business people. She gets up from her chair and grabs a bundle of keys from her desk. "Why don't you wait directly in Mr. Carlson's office? I'm sure he'll be happy to get his package right away when he returns."

Dean shrugs like he doesn't care at all. "Sure, why not?"

Maria's smile is relieved now, and Dean is barely through the door to Mr. Carlson's office when she closes it behind him, only mentioning that he can sit down.

Of course, Dean doesn't. His work is only now beginning. He pulls out his phone to message Cas and checks the room for their prize. It's not exactly hard to find. Next to an enormous desk are two steps leading up to a gallery with pictures, sculptures, and other artsy stuff.

The address book they are looking for is standing in a glass case just like Cas told him. Dean falls down on his knees in front of it and takes out his tools to open the lock. Sam always joked about Dean becoming a criminal and Dean reassured him that he only likes opening locks because he enjoys beating the mechanic. It seems Sam gets to be right in the end.

A few minutes later, Dean is all done, and like clockwork, the office doors are pushed open and Cas strolls in with Maria in tow. For her sake, bot Cas and Dean act surprised, and Dean tries to get on his feet, but Cas trains his gun on him. "Stay right where you are and put your hands up."

Dean lazily raises his hands and rolls his eyes. "Took you long enough, Agent Collins."

"I've been onto you since Denver, Ackles. I have to admit; it wasn't easy. But then you go ahead and make such a stupid mistake."

"Me?" Dean huffs. "You got lucky. It's not my fault that this Missy here is way too eager to let just about anybody into her boss's office."

They didn't plan the entire conversation but this was the goal they've been working towards, and it works perfectly. Maria quickly inhales, and her eyes grow big. "Oh my god, that's all my fault."

Cas walks over to Dean and puts cuffs on him while fake-talking her down. "Don't worry, Miss Jones. It's gonna be alright."

Maria isn't listening to him. "He's going to kill me." She walks back and forth in front of the door and wrings her hands. "Mr. Carlson doesn't let anybody near his collection and I let a thief in."

She buries her face in her hands and Cas gives her a few seconds before taking her aside, as far away from Dean as possible. "Please, Miss Jones, there is a solution for this."

"There is?" She comes out from behind her hands, her eyes suspiciously red.

Cas turns to all sides like checking for unwanted listeners before he moves even closer to her. "I have to admit; it was my fault. I was supposed to trail him, and I lost sight of him just for a second. He's my responsibility and if my boss knew..."

He trails off, and Maria sympathizes with him. "Are you going to get in trouble?"

"Miss Jones, no law requires me to report all of this. I could just get him out of here, and nobody would have to know."

"You don't have to tell my boss?" For a second, she's hopeful, but then her shoulders drop. "But security know about it now, too."

Cas dismissively waves his hand. "They let a convicted felon waltz right in here. I think they can be persuaded to stay quiet."

Maria clears her throat and finally gets up to her full height again. "Mr. Carlson should be here in about 15 minutes."

With a nod, Cas turns back to Dean. "Time to go back in, Ackles."

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Dean twists his arms and acts like he's trying to get out of his cuffs but walks outside without hesitation when Cas drags him to his feet and shoves him to the door.

Outside, Cas changes a quick word with the head of security, and they get shoved into an elevator with the advice to get away as quickly as possible.

Cas holds Dean's arms tight behind his back when he moves him outside the office building, and Dean makes week attempts to get out of his grip. "Man, you can't do this. I have rights, and you have nothing on me."

An old lady walks past them, eyeing Dean like he's the devil himself, but Cas keeps pushing him and smiles at her. "Don't worry, Miss. You can go inside. It's totally save."

She rushes past them when Dean turns to her. "Yeah, you better run, lady, before he puts you in cuffs, too."

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see how Cas rolls his eyes, but he just moves him along to get away from the entrance. When they're out of sight from the reception, Dean can hear the click of the cuffs and moves his arms forward to rub his wrists. "Did you have to make them so tight?"

"I was just trying to sell your cover story."

While putting the now useless handcuffs into his pocket, Dean looks around to make sure nobody followed them. "You sure? Maybe you have a hidden kink or something."

"Dean, I don't- I- what?"

Cas stopped walking and looks at him in bewilderment. It's not exactly nice, but Dean just loves to break down Cas' reserve. With a little laugh, he pats him on the back. "You know, there's this strip club not far from-"

He gets cut off by Cas expression and the tone of his voice. "Get in the van."

Dean follows the order, but when Cas get into the car with him, he takes another swing. "I mean, you drive a van, you always wear a trench coat, and now the cuffs." He leans in to give his words more effect. "I don't want to say creepy, but you have to admit-"

It's the next sentence Dean can't finish because Cas leans in as well. "If you want to know about my kinks, all you have to do is ask."

"Why would I- I don't- Just shut up and drive." Dean reaches into his jacket to get out the ledger that brought them here in the first place, mumbling more to himself than to Cas. "Of course, you'd tell me. That just adds to the creepy."

Cas doesn't answer, and Dean starts to thumb through the book. It's old; that's for sure. And filled with names, or better, family trees. "You're going to tell me now what we just stole?"

"I don't think you want to know."

Dean huffs. "I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm not handing this to Crowley unless I know what it is."

"You have to if you want to find your brother."

"I know. It's just-" Dean bites his lips, not quite sure what he wants to say and as always, Cas just waits for more. He always knows when Dean needs a moment to sort it out for himself. "All this time we've been thinking about ways to get Sam back, and just now I committed a crime. I stole once before in my life, but that was because I was going crazy with hunger. This is different. Hell, you even had a gun fight in a mall full of people. You don't know my brother like I do, Cas. I might be willing to sacrifice a lot for him, but he wouldn't want me to risk other people's lives. He'd be nagging me to death right now."

"That only means that your brother has a better moral compass than me. That's good for him."

Clapping the book shut, Dean sighs. "That's not what I said. I just don't want to make a bad thing worse. Because I feel like that's all I've done so far."

Cas watches the roadway more intensely than he has to, but then he reaches over and taps at the book. "Take a look then."

"What am I going to find?"

"My name for example."

Dean opens the book again, studying the names. "Why? It's a collection of some sort, but for what?"

"Remember when I told you that I grew up not knowing there were people without dream abilities?"

"Yes?"

"That's because everybody in my family has them. It's very unusual. Typically, it skips one or more generations. Most of the time, only one parent or child has an ability. You and your brother both having one is already extremely rare. Now imagine a family of only libs."

Dean tries to picture Cas with a sister or parents, but the picture doesn't come together. "So you're pureblood?"

The awaited reaction doesn't come, and Cas just shakes his head. "I don't understand that reference."

"Come on, man. Harry Potter?" Cas just squints at him, and Dean makes a mental note to ask Kevin for the books and force them on Cas. If their library doesn't have them, he'll have to kill somebody. "Fine, continue."

"You have to understand that there is no scientific explanation for our powers. Anna found ways to influence it with guesswork and trying, but nobody knows where it comes from. Crowley lost a lot of money in research, Sayten even more. The difference is that Crowley knew when to give up. I have no idea who wrote that book, but when word spread that it exists, Crowley continually tried to employ me to get it."

"Why couldn't he just get it himself?"

Suddenly Cas smiles. "It's not as easy as you made it look like. I thought about 20 different ways to get into that building. Walking in like a pizza man and being escorted out as a thief wasn't one of them."

Dean just shrugs. "That only means that you have a better moral compass than me. That's good for you."

There's the hint of a smile on Cas' face, but then he nods to the book again. "We have Chuck, and Sayten has dream readers as well. With this, Crowley has the best way to find people like us. Especially those who will one day have gifted children of their own. And when he wants to, Crowley can sweet talk you into anything."

"For what? I mean, what's his goal?"

Cas chuckles, but there's no humor in it. "The leading position. He wants Sayten gone just as much as we do, just not for the same reason. And I bet we're next on his list."

"Awesome." Dean runs his fingers over the names on the page. "To save my brother, we have to give this guy the tool to take us out. That's what I was talking about. Sammy wouldn't want me to trade other people's lives for his own."

They're both thinking about it until Cas has to stop at a traffic light and turns to Dean. "There's one thing we can do."

"What?"

"Crowley might keep his deals, but I think we just established that our moral compasses are a bit off."

Dean raises his eyebrows, already feeling Cas' idea before he can put it into words. "I like where this is heading. Go on."

"We give him the book, for now, to get Sam, and then we take it away from him."

"Just like that? Don't you think he's going to guard it with everything he has."

Cas starts driving again when the traffic light turns green, and there's the hint of a smile on his face. "Dean, if your brother is what everybody thinks he is, there's no place on this earth where Crowley can hide the book from him. With the proper training, Sam could be the most powerful lib there is."

With a sigh, Dean leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. "I'm not one for praying, but I might start right now."

"That's a good thing, Dean. It shows you have faith."

Dean opens his eyes again, thinking about searching for Cas' name in the book when something else catches his eye. "Wait, pull over there."

"Why?"

As soon as the car stops, Dean hops out and winks at Cas through the window. "I learned a thing or two from Bobby over the weeks. Golden rule, always make a copy."

The second meeting with Crowley was over in a minute. He doesn't know where Sam is right now, but gave Cas a cell phone and promised to call and give them information as soon as possible. Two weeks, maybe more.

Dean still feels like punching him when he remembers his smug smile. By the time they finally arrive at the mall, Dean can't quite enjoy the trip. At least until Cas starts to put on different sunglasses and announces always to wear them now, of course with the most serious voice. When Dean laughs, it's like coming up for air after hours under water. He always feels guilty when he's having fun while he still doesn't know what happens to his brother, but the truth is that he needs those moments. And Sam would want him to have them. He just knows it.

Walking down the corridors, seeing happy friends and families together, Dean prays for the first time in many years. He's not quite sure to who and probably Cas is the only one hearing him, but Cas was right. Dean needs faith. He needs hope. And he has to take care of himself if he wants to be able to help his brother.

When they finished their shopping, he pulls Cas to a few slot machines and every time the owner doesn't look; he throws a ball or two for one of the kids to get them a better prize. Their laughter makes him feel better, and he dares to shoot at Cas with a water gun, but his catcher suddenly grabs him by the arm and pulls him along. "Woah, Cas, where are we going? We can still-"

Cas shakes his head. "We have to buy something else."

"Then why are we leaving the shopping center?"

"We won't be able to purchase what I need in here."

Dean nudges him in the side with his elbow. "Is that another kinky thing?" He gets a death stare in return, and Cas storms out through the entrance doors without looking back. Dean lifts his hands in defeat. "Wow, touchy."


	15. Making Friends

_It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else._  
_\- Erma Bombeck_

* * *

 

 

"First, a bridge, then a mall, now a dark alley, and later I go back to a bunker. When did this become my life?" Nobody answers Dean because he's sitting alone in the van, waiting for Cas to come back. He wanted to check for 'something' after he made a call to another person Dean doesn't know. He hopes this one is a nicer than Crowley.

He jumps a little in his seat when there's a knock on the window, and Cas gestures for him to get out. Dean complies and takes a thorough look at their unpleasant surroundings. "Where are we? Please shoot me now valley?"

Another car is pulling into the alley, slowly creeping closer. The only good thing is that Cas is at ease. He walks towards the other van, and a guy jumps out with a big smile. "Cas, my friend. I've been waiting for that call. Come here."

He presses Cas to his chest and pads his back a little too enthusiastically for Dean's liking. When he moves closer, the men lets him go and turns to Dean. "And who did you bring?"

"Balthazar, this is Dean. Sayten abducted his brother."

Balthazar was about to offer Dean, his hand but pulls it back immediately. "Ah, I should have known it's that kind of call. You know, I offered you drinks, I even asked you if you wanted to be a part of my ménage à- what's the French word for twelve?" Dean just shrugs, and Balthazar rolls his eyes like he already lost interest in the matter. "What I'm trying to say is that we could have had fun, but no."

Cas just waits for him to finish, not interested in the words at all. "There are rules, Balthazar, and we're trying to-"

"Oh no, there are no rules anymore, remember? By Chuck's rules everybody was supposed to use his gift, help others. You were the one who supported Anna when she wanted to stop catching. You were the one who stopped when Hannah-"

He doesn't finish the sentence, but Cas still looks like he's about to tear him apart. "Rules can change."

Balthazar laughs. "Oh no, you didn't change the rules, you tore up the whole script and burned the pages for all of us. There are no more rules. I'm doing what I want now."

"This is what you want?" Cas grunts with disgust. "Hiding in dark alleys. Come running when I call you because you don't have any other friends left?"

"At least I'm not hunted."

"You don't have to be."

Balthazar just shakes his head, making his way back to his car. "Not that again, Cas. It's like you never woke up."

Cas follows him, his voice getting angrier with every word. "I'm wide awake, Balthazar, and I finally understand what you said back then. The night Hannah-" He takes a deep breath, forcing out the words. "The night Hannah died. You said we should have cut off the head of the snake."

"Don't you know the story? If you cut off the head, there are going to grow two heads in its place."

"It doesn't matter." Cas grabs Balthazar, keeping him from getting into the car. "You have a van full of weapons, and I have a crew who's ready to do whatever it takes to take down Sayten. This is our chance to make it right."

Balthazar doesn't look at him but turns to Dean. "That true? Because Sayten, he doesn't play around. He goes straight for the kill. Are you willing to die for him?"

He nods at Cas, and Dean can feel how much this throws his catcher off balance, but he just nods. "I trust him."

Cas lets go of Balthazar, but he makes no attempt to leave. Instead, he walks up to Dean. "You trust him, huh? Enough to let him catch you?" Dean know he just guessed, but he nods, and Balthazar turns around to Cas, visibly thrown off balance. "You're catching again? Why him? And why would Sayten abduct his brother?"

He looks back between Cas and Dean, but Cas doesn't answer. He wants to give Dean the chance to keep it a secret from Balthazar. Dean doesn't want to, after all, he needs to have faith, right? "Because my brother is a dream weaver."

Balthazar's mouth just falls open, and Cas gives Dean an approving look. Granted, he might have exaggerated the truth a bit. As if that is the worst thing they did today. After a few moments, Balthazar finally finds his voice again. "I hate to say this, but from now on, I'm officially on your team."


	16. On Your Mind

_The way to accomplish the assignment of truly living is to engage fully, richly, and deeply in the living of your dreams. We are made to dream and to live those dreams._  
_\- Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy_

* * *

 

 

When Dean gets up, Cas is already gone. For two weeks Cas has been getting as far away from Dean as possible while still staying in the bunker. After strengthening their connection, they are now putting it to the test. At first, Dean has been worried but so far they haven't even been close to losing the connection once, and he always has a sense of Cas, no matter what they're doing.

There's not much difference to their first weeks of training despite Dean getting so used to Cas being next to him that he now misses him whenever he's not there. When he asks Jo about it, she promises that all walking partners feel like that but Dean can't help but think that she's been giving Cas and him weird looks after that.

Dean tries his best not to think about it when he makes his way to the nest. Yesterday Cas announced that they'd be doing a particular test today and Dean is always eager to prove himself. The better he gets with the whole walking thing, the higher his chances of being actively involved in the missions to look for his brother.

It feels like a usual Wednesday midmorning in the nest. A few people are hanging around the room, Charlie and Ash are in the tech room, and Kevin collects books from tables and sideboards, complaining that nobody brings them back. Dean is about to ask him if he's seen Cas but Lisa steps into his way. "Hi, Dean!"

"Morning Lisa."

She gives him her usual smile, and Dean wonders why it's so much easier to talk to her than to Aaron. They're both cute after all.

Lisa interrupts his thoughts by waving a notebook in front of his eyes. "Are you ready to go?"

"Go?"

"Yeah, to go and start the test."

"Test? YOU are doing the test with me?"

"Yes, after all, that's something I can do, so I volunteer sometimes. I mean, I can handle a few notes."

Dean nods although he has no idea what she's talking about. "And what exactly do I do?"

"Castiel didn't tell you?" Lisa looks surprised, but Dean shrugs his shoulders.

"He's not exactly a chatty Cathey? And he likes to throw me in at the deep end."

Lisa laughs. "Don't worry; it's pretty easy. About an hour ago, I walked through the bunker with Castiel. Now, we're going to do the same, and you just try to follow his steps by reading your connection."

"You want me to redo everything he did an hour ago?"

"Exactly." Lisa bounces on her heels like that's a fun game, eager to begin, but Dean is worried now. If he knew what was coming for him, he would have tried to concentrate on Cas, not sleep in. But after all, that's probably what Cas wanted.

Lisa carefully taps his shoulder. "Just take your time and whenever you feel like it, just walk. There are no wrong answers."

"Okay, sure." Dean takes a deep breath and tries to imagine Cas in the nest. Where would he go from here? He's about to walk out into the corridor, but something is pulling him back like he's attached to a string.

The feeling only goes away when Dean turns to the library. That sneaky bastard. Dean takes a few more steps before giving Lisa a checking look, and she grants him a little nod. Growing bolder, Dean walks into the library, always following the invisible string that's tugging at him.

When they walk along one of the long rows, Dean comes to a halt and lifts his arm. "I feel like he took one of the books?"

Lisa scribbles down on her notepad and smiles. "When you think he took or moved things, just do the same."

Dean nods but it still feels weird. "I feel like an idiot."

"You are doing fine so far, Dean. And all the walkers do this at some point. It's just the best way to test your connection."

The thought of Ash or Jo cluelessly stumbling around helps to improve Dean's mood a lot, and he keeps walking.

Cas made a stop at their favorite reading place near the fire, and Dean smiles big when he feels that Cas sat down in Dean's usual spot. Afterward, they leave the library and head in the direction of the nest.

Still scribbling down what Dean is doing, Lisa tries to engage in small talk. "So, how does your training go?"

"It's okay, I guess." Dean straightens a picture in one of the corridors and moves on. "I'm getting a lot better with the combat training."

"Oh yeah, it shows." Lisa turns a dark red as soon as the words are out and she's trying to paddle back. "I mean, not that you were scrawny to begin with but now it's... it's more."

Dean lifts his arm and tenses his muscles while winking at her. "You wanna touch?" Her response is hitting him in the chest, and he turns the next corner to stay on Cas' path. "No, you're right. They keep me busy."

"Is there any news about your brother?"

"Some small details but nothing significant so far."

Lisa keeps checking her pad, looking like she regrets the question. "I'm sure they'll find something soon. We've been tracking some people who've been recruiting for Sayten. Maybe that will turn something up. And so far, Chuck always managed to come through."

"Chuck, huh?" Dean doesn't hide the disbelief in his voice and Lisa laughs.

"I know you think he's not much, and yes, he's not exactly a front line kind of guy, but he knows what he's doing."

"People keep telling me."

"Well, it's true."

They fall silent for a moment and Dean leads Lisa into the kitchen where Cas rearranged the cereal boxes. When Dean is done repeating that, he restarts the conversation much more light hearted. "I wonder what people say about me. Except how well shaped my body is."

Lisa laughs, and if she weren't writing, she'd probably hit him again. "They say that you are nice, and funny, and a good cook."

Dean smiles broadly. "You think that, too?"

Lisa sways a little from side to side with a humming noise like she has to think about it first. "I guess I ate worse."

Dean acts incredibly hurt, and he keeps bantering like this with Lisa all the way through the bunker while Dean switches the lights on and off, opens doors without going into the room and hides a box of suppressants under one of the gurneys in the infirmary. Through the glass, Dean can see Cas at one of the shooting stands, but Lisa steps in front of him before he can go inside. "This is the end of your test."

She rips a page of the pad and hands it to Dean. "And these are your results."

Especially at the end of the test, Dean felt like she got a lot quieter and worries over her serious face. "How bad is it?"

"It's not bad at all."

"But?"

Finally, Lisa smiles again, whereas a little forced. "I'm sorry, I'm just overwhelmed I guess. I've never seen anything like it. You knew everything I wrote down and then some. You probably knew more than I even remembered."

"So, that's good?"

Lisa huffs. "That's awesome."

"Ha!" Dean lifts his hands in the air like he just made the goal to bring victory to his team and before he can help himself, he hugs Lisa.

She laughs but waves her notepad when he lets go of her. "I'll better get this to Chuck right away. I think he'll be pleased."

"Sure." Dean shakes his piece of paper. "And I'll show this to Cas. See you around, Lis."

"Yeah, see you."

Dean rushes to Cas who already turns around with one of his rare big smiles on his face. When Dean reaches him, he pouts. "I think it's great that our connection works so well but it ruins the surprise. You already know how we did, right?"

Cas shrugs his shoulders. "Your feelings are hard to ignore."

"Yeah well, that's still pretty impressive." He waves their results in front of Cas' face. "I mean, more than a 100%. That gotta be some kind of record."

"We're not keeping score, Dean."

"But what if we did?" Dean raises his eyebrows suggestively, and Cas laughs before stepping closer to Dean, his voice becoming a whisper. "Hannah and I had about 98%. I guess our bond could be called profound."

Dean has a hard time suppressing whatever feeling is swelling up inside of him now and focuses on a bigger problem instead. "Cas, even with our connection not breaking and all, can I still sleep in your bed? Cause my mattress just sucks."

"Of course." Cas smiles before getting back to shooting, and Dean carefully folds the piece of paper and puts it in his back pocket. He knows it's silly, but somehow, he wants to keep it.


	17. Highway To Hell

_Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives._  
_\- William Dement_

* * *

 

 

While they walk to the nest, Dean puts Cas through a movie pop quiz and becomes more and more agitated. "What do you mean, you don't know anything about him? It's Clint Eastwood."

"I know the name, Dean, even the person. But I haven't seen any of the movies."

They enter the tech lab, and Dean turns to Charlie with pleading eyes. "He hasn't seen Eastwood, like any of them."

Charlie shrugs her shoulders. "It's a shame, I know."

"We have to fix this."

Chuck chips in before Cas can answer. "I agree with you, Dean, but we might want to focus on this matter first. Lisa might have found something."

Dean acts like he's sealing his lips and leans against the wall next to Cas. When Ash puts up a map in front of them, Chuck points to a structure of buildings. "These warehouses have been on our radar for a while, and now we have more information. What do you think, Lisa?"

"According to my sources, it's most likely some recruitment center. They tell potential libs to go there, or if they don't come on their own, take them."

"With force?" Dean knows about Sayten's methods but taking people he's not even sure about seems unusual, even for him.

Lisa nods. "It looks that way. People go missing all the time, and I feel like they're following a pattern. Big, successful corporations, high achieving schools. It's like he wants to recruit an elite army."

The room goes silent. Nobody is thrilled thinking about Sayten with an army, and it seems the Saytens have never been so determined to find new people. It got way worse since they have Sam.

Gabriel brakes the silence with a long sigh. "Every time I plan a nice quiet evening. Well, I guess it doesn't make sense to wait. Let's get some people together. Castiel, you're coming?"

Cas doesn't answer but pushes himself off of the wall and gives Dean a look. In a split second they have the 'you better stay behind' discussion, and for once, Dean doesn't argue. Cas and the others follow Gabriel outside, and Dean plops down on a chair next to Charlie. She keeps typing but glances over at him. "Wow, you're staying behind? Just like that?"

Dean shrugs. "I'm tired of the discussion."

She nods slowly but keeps looking at him. "So...?"

He smiles. "I'll give them a head start."

"Right." Charlie smiles, too. "And you think you can trick him?"

"Hey, I'm getting better at this. And Cas won't turn around half way."

"You sure about that? Castiel is not exactly predictable."

Dean can't help but grin at her. People keep telling him things like that about Cas, but Dean never agrees. "Predictable enough. Trust me."

After Charlie gave Dean the confirmation that the others reached their destination, Dean gears up and goes after them on his bike. Getting closer to the warehouse, Dean doesn't care so much about Ash's instructions how to get there but relies more on his connection to Cas. His catcher might suppress his feelings, but he can't hide his whole existence. On the other hand, this means that by now Cas must know that Dean is on his tail.

Dean doesn't care. In fact, Cas should have known that he can't keep Dean in the bunker anymore.

The first person Dean sees near the warehouse is Samandriel. He's hiding behind a container and keeps a close eye on a big roll-up door at the front of the building. There's lots of noise coming from inside. Shots.

Dean drives as close as possible, and Samandriel trains his gun on him before lowering it with a sigh. "Oh my God, Dean, you scared me."

"Sorry." Dean pushes his bike the last few steps and hides next to Samandriel. "what's the situation?"

Samandriel doesn't look at Dean but keeps an eye on the warehouse while he speaks. "They managed to surprise the Sayten's and got out most of the people through the back. But one girl got trapped inside and..."

Dean immediately gets a bad feeling when Samandriel stops talking. "Let me guess; Cas went inside to get her?"

"Yeah." Samandriel shrugs like saying 'what do you think?' and Dean nods with a sigh.

"Of course."

He tries to focus as best as he can on their connection and Cas isn't frightened or worried, but there's lots of tension and deep concentration. Not surprising, considering that Cas is probably fighting for his and the girl's life in there.

Dean gets back on his bike, and when he kicks it to life, Samandriel watches him with big eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Getting my catcher."

Samandriel opens his mouth to object but closes it quickly when flying sand and fumes are hitting him. Without thinking about any of the consequences, Dean drives right through the door. Bullets are flying, hitting boxes and the wall next to him; people are screaming, and it takes Dean a moment to find Cas in all the chaos.

He's hiding behind a pile of boxes together with a dark haired girl. When Dean draws closer, they come up and give him covering fire, and Dean manages to stop the bike behind them. Cas keeps shooting, but the girl turns around and frantically moves her hands. Dean watches her but shrugs when he can't understand what she's doing. Finally, she just grabs his shirt and pulls him down.

Not a second too early. Immediately, a rain of bullets hits the crates and wall behind Dean. While Cas keeps firing back, Dean turns to the woman. “Thanks, but maybe next time use your words?”

She gives him a death stare before switching places with Cas who looks at Dean with an exhausted expression on his face. “She did, Dean. Sign language.”

“Oh!” Dean hits himself on the forehead. “Sorry!” When the girl doesn’t react, he drops his head with a sigh. “And she can’t hear me.”

Cas takes a moment to make sure they’re still in the clear before saying what’s been written on his face. “Why are you even here?”

“Come on; you want to have this discussion NOW?” Cas’ face says yes and Dean doesn’t want to back down. “I’m an adult, okay? And I decided my catcher could use some help. Get off my ass!”

“I was never on your…” Cas doesn’t finish the sentence when a crate next to them explodes, and pieces of it rain down on them.

The woman turns around to them again and Cas gestures for her to get to the back door while he and Dean cover for her. Even Dean understands that much. They get in position, and as soon as they start firing, the woman runs over to the door. Before the Saytens know what they’re doing, she’s already gone.

Unfortunately, they also know the only available exit. As soon as Dean moves an inch to the side, they shoot up everything close to the door. “Guess we’re not going out that way.”

“Which leaves the way you came in.”

They both take a peak over the boxes which immediately get riddled with bullets while they dive back down. Cas grunts. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you like to die alone.”

“I told you not to come!”

I don’t care, Cas! Don’t you get it? You don’t have to take care of everybody. You’re not our protector.”

Cas fires a few shots, followed by a scream and more bullets of the Sayten’s, and he looks at Dean like he’s out of his mind. “I should be. I was supposed to take care of Hannah, and I lost her. And now I promised I’ll protect you. I’m not doing this again!”

A bullet hits a corner of the crate in front of them, and a few wood splinters rain down on them and scrape up Dean’s cheek. Cas fires back, causing another scream and a dull sound when a body hits the ground.

“Dammit, Cas!” Dean shoots as well, and for a few moments, there’s silence. The Saytens learned their lesson and keep their heads down for now. “I’m not here because you’re my catcher. You’re my friend, and I care about you. I need you to survive, not sacrifice yourself every other minute.”

For a moment, Cas seems genuinely touched, but then he shakes his head. “THEY don’t care.”

“Fuck them!” Dean’s voice explodes so loud that even the Saytens must hear him. “They’ve taken enough from us. Let’s pay them back.”

Cas looks back to the bike, and his expression becomes even more dangerous. “I drive, you shoot.”

It’s not that Dean doesn’t like the idea. It’s still suicide, though. “They’ll shoot us the second we move away from these crates.”

“Not with a little distraction.” Cas reaches inside his coat and brings up a round item Dean has never seen in real life.

“Is that a grenade?”

“Are you with me?”

Cas' eyes bore into Dean’s, and there’s no way in hell he could say no. “Let’s ride.”

Their heads still down, they get on the bike, and after Cas threw the grenade, he kicks it to life. Seconds later it’s hell on earth.

The explosion rips apart crates and takes down part of the roof. Debris flies everywhere, man scream and some of Sayten’s men do the smart thing. Instead of shooting, they run to safety, shouting for the others to get out as well.

Cas and Dean take off and while Cas makes sure to avoid the Saytens, Dean keeps the few courageous ones at bay with a few well-placed shots. To make sure that nobody follows them, Dean takes the liberty to throw another grenade, aiming for the roof.

Walking or not, he’s never done anything like this and prays for it to go well. As it turns out, his ability to throw has gotten much better as well. The explosion forces the Saytens to flee the warehouse, and by the time Dean and Cas pass Samandriel’s now vacated hiding spot, the whole building is on fire.

Cas checks in on the intercom to make sure everybody else got out safely. He and Gabriel agree to meet up in the bunker later after they dropped off some of the poor new libs and Dean and Cas head back to the bunker.

When they put away their gear, there’s still tension between them and Dean tries a little light conversation. “So, that girl at the warehouse, quite something.”

“Yes, she already got some training and wanted to join a group like ours. She wasn’t happy when she found out about Sayten.”

“Yeah, I saw that. Very good shot. And pretty. What’s her name?”

“Eileen. But if you want to hit on her I suggest you get better with your hands first.”

“I don’t want to hit on her!” The words rush out of Dean much harsher than he intended. “I was merely pointing out some facts.”

Cas only answers with a small shrug while putting away his weapons. Dean tries it again. “Eileen, huh? That’s funny.”

He waits for Cas to reply and can’t help the joy of a small victory when Cas does. “Why?”

“Oh, my brother had this thing for a girl named Eileen. Wouldn’t shut up about her. They had this big date coming up but then…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence and Cas clears his throat, his tone a little lighter than before. “Small world.”

They walk out of the armory and back to their room in silence and only when Cas is about to head into the bathroom, Dean finds the courage to breach the topic he wants to talk about. “You know, I meant what I said back there. You’re not in this fight alone and I…”

Cas raises a hand to silence him. “I know, Dean, you were right. I’m not helping anyone if I’m dead. But that’s also the reason why I didn’t want you to come.”

“On my first day here, Chuck told me that you needed to train me before I could go out there. And that’s what you did. I just threw a grenade at a warehouse full of Saytens. I dare say you did your job. I’m ready. Let’s work together.”

Cas rolls his eyes, and Dean prepares to defend his point, but Cas holds a hand out to him. “Fine. From now on, you decide where you go and what you do.”

Dean grins and tries to grab Cas’ hand, but Cas pulls it back. “Under one condition.”

“What?”

“Promise me that you won’t drive into a warehouse full of bloodthirsty Saytens ever again.”

“Are you going to be there?”

Cas sighs but shakes Dean’s hand, and something makes its way through their connection that Dean has never felt before. He’s not sure what it is, but it feels nice. It makes Dean pull Cas closer and hug him, if only for a second. “To be fair, we’re still alive.”

Cas grunts. “I’ll feel better after I’ve taken a hot shower.”

He heads for the bathroom while Dean drops onto the bed. “Don’t burn yourself!”

Of course, his words mean nothing. When he leans back on the bed, he can hear the water running and feel the heat rising in his body. Cas shares more feelings through their connection when he’s relaxed, and Dean closes his eyes and lets his muscles feel the heat like he’s the one in the shower.

It’s an odd thing to do, but just like the whole day, it proves something to Dean. He and Cas make a pretty good team.

 


	18. Out Of The Fire

_Those who have compared our life to a dream were right…_  
_We sleeping wake, and waking sleep._  
_\- Michael de Montaigne_

* * *

 

 

Sam is so angry he wants to scream and never stop. For the first time he sees where he and Ruby have been held all this time. Not that is any use to him now.

An hour ago the commotion started and there’s still the sound of fighting in the air. Sam has never heard anything like it but he imagines that this is what war must be like. Guns are fired non-stop, people are screaming and he can hear glass shatter.

At first, Crowley’s people didn’t let them out of the training room, but after a while, two men came in to take Ruby away, ignoring all of Sam’s questions. Minutes later they returned, putting him in handcuffs and pushing him along corridors, but not back to his cell. Sam tries to remember the way until they come to a staircase. His guards push him up and drag him into a warehouse. It’s filled with crates, and at the far end, he can see a closed roll-up door.

That’s not the way they take, though. The two men who are holding him direct him to a back door and before they push him through, they put a dark bag over his head. Soon after he almost trips over his own feet, the sounds of fighting even louder now. After a few steps, the men hold him still, and Sam can hear a car coming closer, stopping in front of him. They push Sam inside, and seconds later the car drives off again.

Sam lifts his hands to drag the bag off of his head and finds that nobody is stopping him. Still, there’s not much more he can do. The first thing he sees is a gun. One of Crowley’s man is pointing it at him and narrows his eyes. “Don’t try anything stupid. You don’t need a shoulder to weave.”

Staying as still as he can, Sam at least turns his head. They drive on a road that’s winding up a hill side and Sam spots the warehouse in the distance. The roll-up door is open now, but they are too far away as to make out the sounds anymore. At least until a group of people comes running outside through the door and a huge blast shatters some of the windows. Sam stares at the guy with the gun. “What is happening down there?!”

“None of your business.”

“Where are you bringing me?”

The guy doesn’t answer and only aims his gun more in the direction of Sam’s shoulder. Sam knows he won’t get any answers, so he looks back to the warehouse. There’s fire licking out of the window frames and Sam cranes his neck to get a glimpse inside but the road takes a turn around the hill, and the warehouse becomes blocked from Sam’s view.

Sam closes his eyes, trying to understand what just happened. With all this talk about dreaming, he just can’t believe this is his reality now. Somehow he became part of a bad action movie. But even worse is a little thought that slowly comes to light in Sam’s mind. What if the fight down there was about him? What if Dean tried to rescue him?

Of course that’s absurd, and Sam tries to shake the thought but deep inside are those two words nagging at him. What if.

 


	19. Ghosts That We Knew

_All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams._  
_\- Elias Canetti_

* * *

 

 

Dean walks into the library, curious about what's going to happen. Cas told him that Ellen wanted to talk to him and Dean feels like being called into the principal's office. He walks into the room where he and Cas usually read and finds Ellen sitting at a table with Chuck at the other end of the room.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

They both greet him with a smile and Chuck points to another chair. "Please, sit with us."

Dean takes a seat opposite of Ellen and Chuck and taps on the table with his hands, eager to find out why they arranged this meeting. "So, what did I do?"

Chuck gives him a weak smile. "Ellen wanted to talk to you, and due to the topic I asked for her permission to be here as well."

"And the topic is?"

Ellen shares a look with Chuck and takes a deep breath. "There's no way to ease into this, so here it is. Chuck and I knew your parents."

Dean huffs. "Yeah? How would you know my parents?"

"Your mother was a civilian, but she had libs in her family. For example, your grandfather. And your father, he was a dreamcatcher."

A laugh breaks out of Dean like a shout. "No. Dad wasn't dream anything. He was not a catcher."

Chuck gives him that understanding smile he wore all the time when Dean has still been looking for a catcher, and Ellen puts her hand on the table, reaching for Dean. "We didn't want to say anything before we were sure it was you. But now that we are, we think you deserve to know the truth."

Dean shakes his head and fights the urge to jump up and leave. "If he was a lib, why wouldn't he tell us? And if you knew him, then you would have known about Sammy and me. How can you be unsure about that?"

Chuck nervously clears his throat. "Those are good questions. The truth is, we haven't spoken to your father for quite some time. We didn't even know that he was dead until four years ago."

Dean doesn't know what to say, and Ellen rubs her eyes and takes another deep breath before speaking again. "I've been good friends with your parents back then. My husband, Bill, he was your father's dream walker. You don't remember that, but you've been in this bunker as a baby. John and Mary were still working with us then, but when your brother was about a year old, they decided to quit for good.

We've been at war with Sayten, and it became too dangerous. They brought the two of you to a good friend, Pam, and they said their goodbyes to everybody here, eager to move into their new house with their sons. Bill had a hard time parting from your father, so he offered to drive your parents."

Ellen's voice breaks and she puts her hand over her mouth while a horrible feeling creeps up on Dean. Jo said her father died in a car crash. Bill Harvelle, his father's catcher. "What happened?"

With Ellen unable to talk, Chuck continues. "John and Bill have done a lot of things to work against Sayten, and somehow he must have found out where they were going. One of his best men, Alastair and Azazel, found them and drove them off the road."

Ellen sobs into her hand, and Chuck's eyes become suspiciously red as well, but he keeps talking. "Your father was the only one who made it out of the car. And before he could do anything-"

Chuck swallows, his voice almost breaking. "The car caught fire. There was nothing he could do."

Dean can't help but stare at him, shocked to the core. Their father told Sam and Dean that their mom died in a car crash, but he never mentioned a fire or any of this. Chuck keeps talking, almost rushing through the words now. "In a fit of rage, your dad followed Alastair and Azazel. He walked without a catcher. It's a miracle he didn't fall. And he caught up to them and killed Azazel. But Alastair got away."

There should be a thousand questions in Dean's mind but he comes up blank and finally Ellen can speak again. "I wish I could say that we helped your father but he became a different person the second your mother was gone. He lived with the two of you in the new house, and we visited you all the time, especially Pam, but one day you were just gone. I remember carrying Jo into the house. It was empty, like a grave. We kept looking for you, but John didn't want us to find you. I think he decided that it was safest for you boys to be away from the libs."

Some words are stumbling into Dean's mind, and he justs blurts them out. "Dark hair, a tattoo on her back, and she was blind."

Ellen and Chuck exchange another look. "That sounds like Pam. Do you remember her?"

"I guess." Dean doesn't know what to say. There are just fragments of things he never understood. "I remember Missouri. We lived next to her, and she watched Sammy and me when dad went to work. One day, he didn't come back."

This time, it's Dean's voice that breaks. It's been so long but thinking about that day still hurts like the first time.

They all keep quiet for a while until Chuck brakes the silence. "When we heard about John, we tried to find out as much as we could. We can't be sure, but we think that Alastair found John and..."

He doesn't say it, but it's clear what he means, and he shakes his head. "I'm very sorry, Dean.

Again, we tried to find you and your brother, but I think that your father instructed that woman, Missouri, to run with you if anything was to happen to him. There was no trace of you."

"And that guy, Alastair?"

"As far as we know, he still works for Sayten."

At that moment, Dean feels sorry for Cas. He just had to go through the worst emotions Dean has ever felt, and he has now idea how to control them. Especially the burning rage that's taking hold of him now. "You're telling me that you let me sit in this bunker while the guy who ordered a hit on my parents has my brother and is still aided by their killer? Is that it?!"

"I'm so sorry-" Again Ellen's voice breaks and Chuck seems to disappear in his chair.

"Dean, if there is anything we can..."

Dean doesn't hear him. There's a ringing in his ears, so loud it drowns out all the other sounds. And he's walking, through doors, corridors, maybe even in a circle. He has no idea. At some point, he leans against the wall, and his legs give in. He slides down the wall and sits on the ground, his mind racing.

He can't say how long he's been sitting there when a familiar voice finds its way to him. "Dean? Are you okay?"

Lisa is standing over him, a notepad and books in her arms, with a worried expression on her face.

Dean wants to say yes. Of course. But how the hell do you lie about what just happened to him? Before he knows what he's doing, he just talks. He's not sure for how long until he realizes that Lisa is sitting next to him, nodding along, and Dean stops himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to burden you. I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this."

Lisa smiles. "It's okay, Dean. I guess you have to talk to somebody. It can be healthy to get it all out."

Spurred on by her words, Dean says what's bothering him the most. "You know what the worst thing is? My parents are gone, and my brother is still missing, but all I can think about is that I want to find Alastair and Sayten and take it all out on them. You know? Hurt them as much as they hurt my family."

"I understand, Dean, but..."

Dean doesn't let her finish. Too much anger is raging on in him. "Do you?! I mean, has your family been killed and kidnapped by these people? They deserve more. They deserve revenge! Those monster deserve to die in the worst way possible."

Lisa shrinks under Dean's voice that grows louder with each word. "Dean, you're frightening me. Please, calm down."

With a deep breath, Dean shakes his head. "I can't just let go of this."

"More violence is not the answer, Dean. You have to let it go."

Dean's feelings haven't quieted down in the slightest, but that's not Lisa's fault. He knows she wants to help. "I'm sorry. I guess I just need a little time."

He gets to his feet and helps Lisa up. She puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure it's all going to work out. Don't worry."

"Yeah, you're right." Dean does his best to give her a smile as well. "Good night, Lis. And thanks for listening."

"Anytime." She pads his shoulder and heads the other way, and Dean feels as lost as before. He starts walking without a destination in mind, but as always, he ends up in front of Cas' room.

When Dean goes inside, Cas is sitting on the bed, fully dressed and waiting for him. "Hello, Dean."

Dean plumps down on the bed next to him. "I guess you knew about the meeting."

Ellen clued me in. She wanted me to prepare for your emotions."

Dean huffs. "Were you?"

"I don't think anybody can prepare for something like this. I'm very sorry about your parents."

Now Dean adds another feeling to all the emotions already swirling through his body. "I'm sorry, I'm too riled up even to try and block my feelings."

Cas studies him with that intense expression Dean can't figure out. "You don't have to, Dean. That's part of the arrangement. And I think sharing can help."

With a sigh, Dean falls down on the bed. "You're my shrink now?"

"After what happened to Hannah, I completely closed myself off from everybody. It was the worst thing I could have done. I see that now. Letting yourself feel all this is the only way to get past it."

"Lisa said I should let it go. It's just that I don't want to. I want to fight them, make them pay." The rage is coming back, fierce and hot, but when Cas just keeps watching him, Dean gives in. "But I guess she's right."

Cas tilts his head, thinking. "I honestly don't know. If revenge puts you in a bad position, I would advise against it. But if it fuels your efforts to get your brother back, it might be helpful."

"You know what, Cas? You kinda suck at this whole advice thing." Dean rubs his face, feeling even more confused than before.

Cas doesn't move an inch, and the only thing Dean is getting from him is calmness and determination. "I'm sorry, Dean. I can't give you a right answer or a path that you should take. All I can offer is the promise to go with you whichever way you chose."

"And if I chose revenge? What if I go out there, armed and angry, ready to kill? Would you go with me then?"

"Of course."

Cas hasn't moved an inch, and by now, Dean trusts their connection enough to feel Cas. He means it. There's not a hint of hesitation or doubt.

"We should sleep." Dean's voice is barely audible, but Cas nods and walks into the bathroom to get changed, leaving Dean with another thought. Cas waited for him, not only fully dressed but also armed. He was ready to go even before they had their conversation.

Dean crawls onto his side of the bed, and when Cas comes back and lies down next to him, Dean wants to thank him. He doesn't manage to speak the words and tries to feel content and hopeful instead.

It gives Cas the reassurance that Dean won't get up and leave to do something stupid. He falls asleep quickly, and Dean turns to him, watching Cas' back like he did before when Cas promised to go with him.

Carefully, Dean stretches out his hand and grabs a tiny piece of Cas' shirt. Somehow he needs to hold on to something that is real. And a friend who'd do anything for him is a good point to start.

It only takes seconds until Dean can feel the anger subside. He doesn't choose a path, but now he knows his way. It doesn't matter where they go, as long as he walks with Cas.


	20. Meeting The Boss

_Dreams are more real than reality itself, they’re closer to the self._  
_\- Gao_ Xingjan

* * *

 

 

Sam has met many different people in his life, good and bad. But he never met anybody like Luke Sayten.

After the incident at the warehouse, Crowley’s people brought Sam to a huge estate somewhere out of town and it turns out that these guys aren’t even Crowley’s men. Luke Sayten is the boss and everybody here answers to him, even Crowley.

When Sam thought that the black clad Brit was his biggest problem, he was dead wrong. Sayten is watching him with the curiosity of a child but with an intensity like he wants to take a bite out of him at any second. Sam feels more and more uncomfortable under his gaze and for the first time since they abducted him, he’s afraid again.

“So, Sam, how do you feel today?”

Sayten’s voice is so soft, it makes Sam’s skin crawl.

“I’d feel better if you let me go.”

“Oh, Sam.” Sayten huffs a laugh and smiles at him. “You know, it’s not that I don’t want to let you go. In fact, what we’re doing here is going to set you free. Once we become friends, of course.”

It’s usually not in his nature to become violent but the fear in Sam gets replaced by anger. “You sure have a weird way of making friends!”

Sayten doesn’t bother to answer him but looks through the door into an adjacent room and Sam follows his gaze. The small space is dominated by a huge bed, surrounded by medical equipment, and inside lies an old man. With a sigh, Sayten turns away and walks over to Sam. “Dee is sleeping now but not for much longer. It’s all about you Sam, you’re going to bring the change we’ve been waiting for. My ultimate weapon. And by the time I’m done with you, you’re going to love it. Believe me, we’ll make a great team.”

The babbling of an insane man shouldn’t frighten Sam. It’s just more of the nonsense Crowley has been spewing when he took Sam. But something had changed since then.

Yesterday, while walking with Ruby, Sam didn’t hold back anymore. The dice turned, and not at random. Sam was able to put them in any position he desired. Who knows what he might be able to do once he was properly trained. It should be a comforting thought, after all, Ruby keeps telling Sam that they’ll be able to flee once he’ll reach full power. But now, after meeting Sayten, Sam isn’t so sure about that anymore.

He’s not only afraid of Sayten, Sam is most afraid of himself.


	21. Silence

_What I want to do is travel deeper and deeper into the dreamlands, to find that place that I know is waiting for me here. My home._  
_\- Charles de Lint_

* * *

 

 

Dean picks on his cereal and tries his best not to think about Cas, but it's pretty hard.

His catcher left early in the morning. He's accompanying Chuck to a meeting with another group of libs, and it's invitation only, so Dean can't come. It's not like he cares about the meeting or any lib business, but somehow it annoys him that Cas isn't here. Dean is eating on his own and has no idea what to do with himself the whole day.

Cas told him that he can walk like any other day and that it would be a great way for them to train their connection but Dean doesn't feel like training. He's got so good at his weapons training that there's not much more he can do and he'd rather not beat anybody up, even another lib.

When Dean came into the kitchen, Lisa asked him if he wanted to join them and help out with whatever they're doing, but he's been fresh out of bed and didn't listen to her. She probably got fed up with his grumpy answers, and then he's been sulking for an hour after she left.

With a sigh, Dean gets up and puts his bowl away. He won't feel better by just sitting here. On his way out of the kitchen, he almost runs into Bobby. "Watch where you're going, idjit."

Dean lifts his arms, signaling that he hasn't been anywhere near Bobby. "What are you doing with all this stuff?"

Bobby grunts. "Fixing this excuse for a shit hole. What are you doing?"

"I-" Dean tries to come up with a good answer because Bobby is carrying all of his tools and that means nothing good.

Sadly, Bobby is a lot quicker than Dean. "Hey, Castiel is with Chuck at that big meeting, right? Good."

He pushes one of his tool boxes at Dean and starts along the corridor. With a sigh, Dean follows him, and for the next few hours they check wires, fix light switches, unclog a toilet, and get the hot water running in one of the showers. Dean has no idea how late it is when Bobby finally releases him, but when he passes the kitchen, a pleasant smell is surrounding him.

He makes his way inside and finds a place with Charlie and Garth, sure that there's no more work coming his way until they tell him that Charlie promised Garth to help clean the Closet. Certain he can’t outrun his destiny, Dean offers to help, too. There’s one good thing about it after all. While he works, he doesn’t think about Cas.

The tactic works for about two hours. Dean's knee-deep in old clothes, sorting out what they can give away for charity when Jo joins Charlie and him. Before she even says hello, she kisses Charlie and sighs. “I’m gonna miss that the most.”

Charlie throws a pair of pants onto the charity pile and eyes her girlfriend suspiciously. “Me or the kissing?”

Jo laughs. “Both of course.”

She gives Charlie another kiss and Dean has enough of all the affection in front of him. “Why do you have to miss it?”

“I’ll be gone for a couple of days. Like Castiel and Chuck, I’m going to visit some old friends.”

Dean puts a shirt aside that Cas might like and wonders why Jo sounds so gloomy. It can’t be just about Charlie. “Why does it feel like we’re preparing for war?”

“Maybe we do.” Jo sits down behind Charlie and makes an attempt to braid her hair. “Or at least we should be ready if we have to.”

Charlie throws another pair of jeans across the room and nods, derailing Jo’s styling attempts. “I agree. We just don’t know what Sayten is planning, and we should be ready for everything.”

“Is he that dangerous?” Dean has heard the name so often by now, but he still can’t picture the man behind it.

While Charlie just shrugs, Jo focuses on Dean instead of Charlie’s hair. “I’ve only seen him once, but mom says he’s bad news. He’s been friends with Chuck and another guy called Michael. Chuck brought the two together to walk with each other, but both of them thought they should use their abilities for personal gain, so Chuck left them and started with a new group of people in this bunker instead. And we’re careful about who we invite in these days.”

“You let me in.”

Charlie laughs about the wonder in Dean’s voice. “That’s because you’re a sweetheart. The first thing Chuck saw was you chasing after your brother.”

“You couldn’t have known that. Just because I love my brother I can still be an asshole.”

Jo grabs a shirt from a pile next to her and throws it at Dean. “You’re still here, aren’t you? And currently, you’re sorting out clothes for charity. I’m sorry, but you’re not a bad guy.”

Charlie throws another shirt at Dean before turning to Jo with a grin. “I think it’s pretty obvious why Lisa likes him.”

Jo rolls her eyes. “They’re both not very subtle.”

“What?” Dean gets out from under the shirt and tries his best to appear casual. “nothing is going on I’d need to be subtle about.”

Jo huffs a laugh. “So what? You just flirt with everybody?”

“Maybe?” Dean shrugs. “It could pay off.”

Jo shakes her head and gets back to Charlie’s hair, but Charlie focuses on Dean, more interested than before. “So there’s nothing with Lisa?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. No.” Dean sighs because he honestly doesn’t know what to say.

Of course, his answer doesn’t help. Both Charlie and Jo stare at him now with big questions marks over their heads. Dean takes the time to sort the two shirts they threw onto piles before answering. “I’ve had my fair share of fun, and now that I see you and all the other damn couples around here I feel like I want to try that for a change.”

“And Lisa…?” Charlie doesn’t finish the sentence, and the only answer Dean can think of is a shrug.

He can’t even explain why. Lisa is sweet, kind, pretty, intelligent, and has a good sense of humor. So what’s the problem? He sighs and the answer is finally coming out of him. “Something is missing.”

Charlie and Jo seem to understand. They keep sorting in silence, but Dean can’t help but feel like the third wheel now. The two of them are a thing, and although they don’t walk together, there’s still a connection. “How did you know?”

“Oh, for me it’s just about the sex.” Jo smiles, and Charlie kicks her with her elbow.

“Be serious. The man needs help.”

Jo puts her head on Charlie’s shoulder and bites her lip, thinking about a good answer. “I can be me around Charlie. Ugly, stupid, childish, mean. She probably kicks my ass, but I don’t have to pretend. It’s nice if you don’t have to put up a mask.”

Dean turns to Charlie who looks a little overwhelmed by what Jo said. “For me, it’s about family, I guess. I’ve never known my father and my mom-” She clears her throat, her voice lower when she keeps talking. “Well, you know what happened to her. Jo has my back whenever I need it the most. You get an entirely different view on life when you can always count on somebody.”

“But-” Dean hesitates because he doesn’t want to rain on their parade. “What you describe is what friends can do. Where’s the difference?”

Jo and Charlie share a glance and Charlie smiles. “I know it sounds stupid, but you just know. It’s different with that person. You can feel it.”

Dean wants to object, but the truth is, he does feel it. He never thought about it, but there’s been something burning inside of him for a while now. It’s just different today because- The thought makes Dean’s heart skip a beat. It’s different because Cas isn’t here.

Charlie went back to sorting clothes, but Jo watches him with worry in her eyes. “Are you okay, Dean?”

“Yeah.” Dean inspects the jeans in his hands, checking for holes. “It’s just Cas. I think he doesn’t like one of the people they’re meeting with.”

That’s not exactly true. Dean did feel that, but it’s been during lunch. Jo is impressed, though. “You can feel that?”

“I’m supposed to, aren’t I?”

“Technically, yes. But it’s still impressive over such a distance. Can you communicate?”

Dean doesn’t know what she means, but Charlie gets excited all of a sudden. “Oh yeah, try if you can signal him something.”

“Like what?”

“Imagine you’re poking him. Just a nudge.”

Dean puts down the pants and focuses on the connection to Cas. He tries to get a clear picture of him in his mind and imagines himself tapping on Cas’ shoulder.

“And?” Charlie is leaning forward and Dean shrugs but then he can feel Cas. “Perfect. Now he’s worried.”

With a sigh, Dean focuses again. Cas’ uncertainty and wonder are oozing into Dean, and he does his best to feel calm, safe, and happy. The fact that Cas felt him helps a great deal with that. It must work. Cas’ worry ebbs away and instead Dean feels warmth. When he tries to picture Charlie and Jo and explain in his mind that it’s their fault, there’s also amusement coming from Cas’ end.

“What are you smiling about?” By now, Jo watches Dean like he’s an animal she never saw up close, and Dean does his best to control his face. It’s hard with Cas’ feelings adding to his own. “I just told him that it’s your fault.”

“You TOLD him?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I’m trying. It’s kinda hard to talk with feelings. But I think he got the message.”

Jo only makes a surprised sound before falling back into the clothes behind her and Charlie takes it upon herself to explain her behavior. “Dean, we’ve known people who have been walking with each other for years and most of them don’t communicate. It takes a lot of trust and an almost perfect connection to make it work.”

“I guess I just got lucky with Cas.” Dean tries to sound casual and focuses on the clothes in front of him. Lucky for him, Charlie doesn’t press any further.

Instead, they move to lighter topics. Charlie and Jo carry most of the conversation while Dean tries his best to ignore his feelings. He still can’t help but jump when something crosses his mind like a flash. “He’s coming back.”

“What?” Charlie hands a box full of clothes to Jo, and when Jo carries it outside, Charlie walks over to Dean. “Who’s coming?”

“I’m sorry. Cas is coming back. It just hit me.”

Charlie smiles. “I’m sure he has a lot to tell. Jo and I can finish up here if you want to go.”

Dean knows he’s way too eager but being away from Cas still feels weird, and he’d rather get rid of the feeling as quickly as possible. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. And when you’re gone, we can finally make out.”

“I might stay for that.” Dean wiggles his eyebrows and Charlie shoves him away, laughing.

“Go!”

Dean closes the box he’s been filling with clothes and puts it on top of the others before he goes. Before he reaches the door, Charlie holds him back. “Dean?”

“Yes?”

Charlie fidgets with her hands a little, struggling for words. “I know that your main concern is your brother right now and I understand that. I focused on my mom for a long time. But that doesn’t mean you have to forget about everything else. You know what you want. There’s no shame in enjoying something that makes you happy.”

Dean shakes his head. “Charlie, really, Lisa and I…”

Charlie doesn’t let him finish. “I’m not talking about Lisa. It’s none of my business anyway. I’m just saying, if you feel it, don’t ignore it for the sake of somebody else.”

She doesn’t wait around for an answer but takes a box into the storage room, and Dean thinks about her words when he walks back to Cas’ room. It's true that his primary focus has always been his brother and not only since he’s been missing. Dean never got attached to anybody in case Sam needed him. Both Lisa and Aaron seemed interested and usually he wouldn’t have let that slide. Still, when he thinks about them, Dean doesn’t regret it.

A short fling with somebody here is not what he needs right now. And he wants what Jo and Charlie have. With a sigh, Dean throws himself on the bed and stares at the ceiling, doing his best to think about nothing.

He manages it for a few minutes but then all his senses go on high alert. He knows that Cas just entered the bunker and a little later Dean can hear footsteps echo along the corridor. Dean sits up and welcomes Cas with a big smile the second he walks through the door. “Hey there, sailor!”

Cas closes the door and plops down on the bed next to Dean. “Hello, Dean.”

For a moment, they just sit there but then Cas turns to Dean with that probing look. “Are you alright?”

Dean could make something up, but Cas usually gets him, so Dean stays with the truth. “I missed you.”

“I know.” Cas watches the floor and nods. “It feels strange being apart. Is that why you tried to reach me?”

“Charlie and Jo wanted me to try.”

A little smile creeps onto Cas’ face. “Yes, I know. You did a great job picturing them.”

Dean hops a little on the bed, excitement taking hold of him. “You got that? Charlie and Jo thought I’m bluffing. Is it true that not everybody can do that?”

“I think it has to do with the fact that we’ve never broken the connection but yes, it is impressive.”

“Ha! Dreamteam!” Dean holds up his hand, and after a short consideration, Cas gives him the weirdest high five ever. Dean doesn’t mind, though. “By the way, I’ve got something for you.”

He gets up and rummages around in one of Cas’ desk drawers before handing Cas a book. “I have no idea if you’ve read it before, but I got it from one of the recruiters and Kevin said we don’t have it in the library.”

Cas takes the book and gives it a quick once over. “No, I haven’t read it.”

Dean takes his place on the bed again and smiles with satisfaction. “I just thought, you know, if you ever get tired of looking at pictures.”

“Thank you, Dean. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. And I have something for you as well.”

“Oh, a souvenir? What is it?” Now bumps up and down like a child on Christmas but he doesn’t care.

Cas reaches into his pocket and keeps something in his closed hands. “I wish I could have taken you with me, but it was hard enough for me to sneak in and out unseen.”

“Sneak in? Where?”

“Your apartment.” Cas opens his hands, showing two small items. “I don’t know what it is, but it felt like it means something to you.”

The last word sounds like a question, and Dean takes a small amulet out of Cas’ hand. “It’s Sam’s. He gave a similar one to me the first Christmas after our dad died.”

Dean reaches into his pocket and shows Dean the amulet he got from his brother. “I started calling it the Samulet. I guess it was his way of telling me that he’d always be there for me. When he explained that he wanted to go back to school, I had another one made and gave it to him. That was right before he got taken.”

Cas takes the amulets from Dean and inspects them carefully. “I’m sure you can give it to him soon.”

“Yeah.” Dean tries his best to sound convinced and focuses on the second item instead. “And that?”

Cas hands him a photograph and this time Dean can’t help that tears are swelling up in his eyes. It’s the last picture his family took together. Dean’s father has his arms around his mother with Dean sitting on his lap, doing his best to hold onto baby Sammy in his mother’s arms.

Cas still turns the amulets around in his hands, and his voice is low when he speaks. “I thought you might want to have them around.”

Unable to speak, Dean just nods, but when his eyes fall on his dad again, a sudden thought crosses his mind. “I guess they’ve been around all along.”

He walks back to Cas’ desk, and when he opens the drawer again, he realizes how he inadvertently moved a lot of his things into Cas’ room. For example his father’s journal. He hands it to Cas before sitting down again. “Remember what Ellen told me? A guy who fell in love with a woman named Mary wrote this journal and his catcher’s name is Bill.”

“It’s your father’s?” Cas curiously opens it and slowly turns the pages.

“I think so.”

“Your father had beautiful handwriting. Where did you find it?”

“On my first day when I visited the library, it somehow called out to me. I walked by and had this need to take it with me. Is that weird?”

Cas is still focused on the pages but shakes his head. “There’s still a lot we don’t know about dreaming abilities. Your father put his heart and soul into these pages. Maybe you can feel the connection.”

“Remember when I dragged you to the shooting range in the middle of the night?”

“Yes?” Cas focuses on Dean now who has a hard time concentration on the rest of his story with Cas’ intense stare directed at him.

“I had the idea because of something my father wrote about my mom.” When he thinks about it, everything he went through since then makes its way to the surface. “They’ve been dead for years and still help me. And what do I do? I lost their son.”

Dean buries his face in his hands doing his best not to let Cas see his tears. It’s a stupid endeavor with the two of them sharing a mind.

“You are their son, too, and I know they would be proud of you, Dean.”

Dean shakes his head. “How can you know that?”

“I can feel it.” Cas hands the journal back to Dean. “With something like this, you just know.”

Dean nods, although he’s not entirely convinced. How can he feel bad when he’s sitting here with all his treasures and Cas by his side? Sam surely doesn’t enjoy the same luxuries. “We’re going to get him back, right?”

“I’m sure we will.”

The certainty in Cas’ voice always makes Dean feel better. “Thank you, Cas. For all of this. It's nice to have them around.”

Cas nods with a small smile. “We should sleep.”

He walks into the bathroom and Dean builds a small shrine on his bedside table with the photo on top. When he watches it, a warm feeling settles inside of him, and he wonders if that’s what Charlie’s been talking about and where it might come from.

 


	22. Dreams Of Heaven

_Good night - may you fall asleep in the arms of a dream, so beautiful, you’ll cry when you awake._  
_\- Michael Faudet_

* * *

 

 

It's been the hardest day of training so far. Nobody asked this of him, but every day Dean becomes more anxious. Occupying himself helps him calm down.

Although Kevin almost killed him, he brought his first coffee of the day into the library with him and read for two hours before most of the others even got out of bed. While they had breakfast, he's been shooting up targets. By the time Castiel finally made it out of bed, Dean joined Charlie and Ash in the tech room. Computers are still not his best friends, but while walking, he's able to understand foreign concepts more quickly and knowing more about a thing can never hurt.

Before lunch time rolls around, Cas and he are up on the roof of the bunker to fix a hole while Bobby shouts instructions, and Ellen screams even louder for them to be careful. It's hard work, but being so close to the sky feels great. The wind ruffles their hair, and the sun warms their skin. It's a few hours of being alive before they head back to the underworld.

As always, they have lunch together. Garth tried something new. Dean has no idea what it is, and it tastes horrible. Cas bribes a young walker named Samandriel to bring them back some burgers while he's out on a mission. To make sure nobody knows about it, they hide in the van in the garage and try to keep their moans quiet while they feast on their treasure.

Already there, and already dirty, Dean starts to work on one of two cars Bobby brought in for fixing. With Dean's neck for healing cars, they decided to enlarge their car pool. While he's bent down over the motor block, Cas is lying in the back seat, drowsing off while Kitten curls into a ball on top of his chest. For a moment, Dean thinks about doing that himself. Just sit for a moment, relax. But that always brings thoughts he doesn't want to have.

Instead, he keeps working on the car, and by the tenth time he gets behind the wheel and tries the ignition, it finally roars to life. It startles the two cats in the back seat, and Kitten hurries away, but Dean laughs. He quotes Ace Ventura's famous 'It's alive.' and for once doesn't care when Cas doesn't get the reference.

An average person would probably opt for something quiet and relaxing to do at this point, but Dean just cleans himself up a bit before forcing Cas into another session of close combat training. Usually, a Walker and his catcher can keep that up for quite some time, but after that day and three hours of training, even Dean has to give up.

They both take excessive, hot showers before they head up to the roof again to check their work. Everything looks in order, and they could have joined the others at dinner, but instead they settle down for some PB&J sandwiches and watch the sunset. The Air smells like flowers and cools Dean's skin, and he can feel the pull of sleep.

When it's getting darker, they head back to their room, shoulders bumping, and Dean has a hard time even holding his eyes open. That's probably why he didn't care so much when he tries to find a comfortable sleeping position. In the beginning, he tried all kinds of things to stay away from Cas and even suggested separate beds, but now he just curls into a ball behind his friend.

He can feel his warmth and smells his sun-kissed skin. If he'd allow himself to move just an inch closer, he could bury his face in the curly hair at his neck. Cas probably wouldn't even mind. Instead, Dean just sneaks one hand up to his shirt, and carefully grabs a tiny piece of fabric. It's a dumb thing to do. After all, their freaking minds are joined, there's no reason to hold physically on to Cas. Still, it's more comforting than anything else, and Dean falls asleep immediately.

_Only do not forget, if I wake up crying, it’s only because in my dream I’m a lost child hunting through the leaves of the night for your hands._  
_\- Pablo Neruda_

* * *

 

 

Dean has no idea how late it is when he finds himself in a state somewhere between sleep and being awake. He thinks he dreamt about Sam but isn't quite sure if it was tonight or if he just remembers another time. Unable to recognize his surroundings in the dark, Dean turns, trying to figure out where he is. Just when he hears breathing next to him, he somehow knows that Cas is there. Just like every other night.

Still, the confusion stays, the fear for Sam taking root in him. He squeezes his eyes shut to get back to him, but doesn't fall asleep. There are dark shadows in front of him, and Dean feels like falling. His body jerks, and he desperately grabs Cas' shirt to save himself. The unexpected touch steers his friend awake as well, and Cas turns around with a grunt. "Dean?"

He speaks the word so quietly that Dean isn't sure he's talking. He opens his eyes to see him, but the dark hides them both and Dean just reaches into nothing. "Cas?! Falling, I'm- I'm falling."

Finally, there's something solid beneath Dean's hand. It's Cas arm, and a second later strong fingers close around his own. Cas turns his whole body to him, pulling him closer, and Dean finds himself pressed against Cas' chest. His fingers ghost over Dean's shoulder, up to his neck and into his hair. He just hugs the other man to himself, like he has to keep him from falling off the bed. "Have you."

Dean's hands wander over the fabric of Cas' shirt, making sure it feels the same than before. It's just not enough to calm him down this time. "I don't know where I am. This- This isn't good. I'm falling, I'm falling-"

He wants to say more, tell Cas how urgent this is, but he can't breathe. Even the light shades he can make out in the dark turn blurry. His ears start ringing, and he just has too much blood. There's not enough space for it in his body. It's pumping through his veins, pushing into his heart. It hurts, it hurts so bad, and it's going to explode. He has to get rid of it. In his panic, he reaches for his arm, clawing at his skin. He needs to get the blood out of his body.

His vision turns red, and everything is too hot, too loud. Until Cas' breath washes over his neck. It cools him down, and he feels soft lips pressing against his forehead. Cas's fingers are still in his hair, and he gently pets his head while he's talking to him in his quiet, sleepy voice. "You're right here with me. I've got you, Dean. Just hold on."

Dean's fingers claw into Cas' shirt again, and although Cas feels warm, it's not the fierce heat that was about to consume him. It's inviting and cozy. Like being snuggled up in two blankets when it's cold outside. Still, Dean needs to tell him. "The blood, Cas. The- the blood-"

Cas reaches behind his back and carefully picks Dean's hand from his shirt. "It's good. Keeps you alive. Here." He brings Dean's hand up to their faces, holding his arm against his cheek like he's listening to Dean's blood stream. "Just right. It's perfect."

It's still too dark for Dean to see his face, but he thinks he can feel Cas' smile against his skin, and then his lips follow. He carefully kisses the spots where Dean clawed at himself. Dean feels the steady rhythm, his blood slowly falling in line with it. Satisfied, Cas drapes Dean's arm around himself again. "Breathe with me."

Dean can feel Cas' heartbeat against his body and listens for the sounds he makes. Dean's breath is still much quicker, and he's not sure he can do it, but Cas just keeps talking. "Good. Keep going. You're here, and you're calm. Everything is fine. Just breathe for me, Dean."

After a while, Dean can feel himself calm down. Cas' light touch, their breathing, their heartbeats, everything is in synch. Dean's body relaxes into it, making him press against Cas with his whole weight. He buries his head in his friend's neck, and Cas doesn't move an inch. Not even when Dean moves again, when he brushes his cheek against Cas' light stubble, when he follows his breath to the source.

Cas still doesn't move when Dean's lips touch his own. Suddenly the darkness is gone, and the sun comes up in Dean's mind. With every brush of lips, there's one more good thing adding to it. The smell of fresh baked pie and clean laundry, the feeling of lush grass between his fingertips and the tickle of a grasshopper confusing his hand with a leaf. The gurgle of water from a nearby river and cracking of wood in a fireplace.

Even blind like he is now, Dean can imagine the deep blue of Cas' eyes and the brighter shade it gets when he's happy about something. And when his lips open up he can feel Cas' tongue carefully rubbing against his own, and finally, he knows what heaven tastes like. It's not earthly things like coffee or jam, but like melting ice on your tongue and the warm hug around your body when you think about your favorite childhood food.

There's no more clear thought between the two of them. It's just feeling alive and happy while they drift towards sleep. After a while, they are too lazy to kiss. Their lips touch, and they breathe each other in until Dean's heart feels right again. It's not the blood that makes it swell and almost burst, it's something entirely different. Something much, much better.


	23. Overwhelmed

_Last night - I cannot know which way it came_  
_Or what star-way it went -_  
_There was a little dream without a name_  
_That left my soul content._  
_\- Margaret Widdemer_

* * *

 

 

Waking up snuggled into Cas' warm embrace feels awesome until Dean's brain catches up with him. As if struck by lightning, Dean almost jumps out of bed and just stops for a second to check if he woke Cas up as well. When his friend just turns around with a growl, Dean heads to the door. He's about to open it, but something is holding him back.

From experience, he knows that their connection holds tight, even when they're at different ends of the bunker, but fear always trumps logic. His whole body is fighting to stay in the same room with Cas. Dean curses himself and his limbs and forces himself into the adjacent bathroom. A minute later, the steady stream of hot water is pouring down his body, and he imagines to put the stopper in and just drown himself.

When he convinced himself that what happened last night wasn't a dream, there's only one question left. What was he thinking? He likes to blame it on the panic attack or whatever that was that made him claw at his arms, but it sounds false to his ears. In order not to work himself up again, he thinks about yesterday. It helps him to calm down when he goes through a dull day in his mind.

At least that's what he thought it was. Boring. Usual. It's nothing special when he walks on tip toes out of their room as not to wake Cas. It doesn't say anything about his feelings that every time he's in the library, he's sitting in the same chair by the fire, and even without Cas there, it's still his favorite place to read.

Dean bites his lips when more thoughts like this creep up on him. He remembers walking into the kitchen and knowing full well that it might take Cas another hour to get up. When he gets a cup for himself, he always rearranges the cupboard, moving everything to the front except for one other cup. It's pink, with a kitten at the front, and it's the ugliest mug Dean has ever seen in his whole life. But it's Cas' favorite, and Dean makes sure it's still there when Cas gets into the kitchen. Every single day.

When they were up at the roof, Dean couldn't help but notice the shirt Cas has been wearing. After their shopping trip, Cas started wearing more casual clothes around the bunker, and due to their close living conditions, it does so happen that they mix up their stuff. Dean sees the picture in his head, clear as day. Cas smiling at him, because of some stupid joke Dean doesn't even remember. His hair is all tousled, and the wind is pressing Dean's favorite Led Zeppelin shirt against Cas' chest.

Dean couldn't stop staring, wondering how Cas managed to have such toned skin when he's holed up in the bunker all the time. And Cas' casual demeanor around Dean doesn't help at all. When he hands him tools or material for the repairs, Cas never checks if he touches Dean or not. He doesn't take the extra step to have enough space between them when they pass each other. The moment they sit down, it's Cas' shoulder against his own, their legs touching, and Cas' most perceptive glance focused on him whenever he talks. It's like everything he says is the most interesting thing to Cas.

It's somewhat unnerving, but flattering at the same time. It just continued when they've been in the garage. Cas might sleep in the backseat, but only after he asked Dean a thousand questions about the car and his work. It gives Dean the possibility to plot out how he's going to fix it, and every time he got stuck, he just peeked through the windshield. One minute of watching his lazy friend sleep, a cat snuggled to his chest, and Dean's brain reboots itself. It makes no sense, but it works.

Just like their close combat training. Cas offered himself as a partner, because he would feel when he's pushing Dean to hard, and at the same time, would know when Dean's abilities work a little too good. For Dean, it has another perk as well. When Cas is focused on his body, his mind slips sometimes. It allows Dean to peek into memories of Cas' childhood, his sister, his time at the bunker. Sometimes even the things he had done for the libs before they met.

At first, Cas tries to control it, but when he realizes that Dean is just taking his worries and fears in his stride, he lets the thoughts flow. It's like opening up and talking for hours without speaking a word. When it comes to the two of them, that's by far the best way of communication there is.

It just continues whenever they're together. Cas knows when Dean is not up for company when he's still rattled from one of his dreams about Sam, or when he needs a stupid joke just to laugh his worries away. Dean liked to blame it on their connection, but he studied the other walkers and their partners. Of course, they're close, and most of them probably know a lot more about each other than he knows about Cas. Still, it seems different.

It's not just the profound bond you need to walk with each other. It's like their minds are alike, and they've been destined to find each other. It's the right word, the right touch, the right glance, at every moment, every day. For Dean, it doesn't matter if they're shooting or fighting, or just making scrambled eggs. It's like having his splodge of green painted on the canvas of the world, and Cas' blue just melted right into it. They're one.

It's what made it so easy to kiss Cas. Not the darkness or fear, nor the panic or uncertainty. It was just one more thing destined to happen. The only rule his fear played, was to make him lose control. One second of not denying himself, of not controlling his feelings, and he did the one thing he wanted to do for freaking weeks.

Kissing Cas.

It's also the one thing he shouldn't replay in his mind, but it happens anyway. It makes his heart ache again. He wants to tiptoe out of the room, rearrange the cups in the kitchen, fix another car with Cas snoring in the backseat, and just wake him up to sit on the roof, eating burgers and watching the sun set. And the next day, they could do it again. And the next.

Maybe, when this was all over, they could even make it better. Dean could get Baby back and go for long drives, eat their burgers in the middle of a field, snuggle in the back seat. They could go to the mall and buy Cas his Led Zeppelin shirt. He would wear Dean's, but at least he'd have his own one. Dean could just get the ugly kitten mug and bring the coffee to Cas to wake him up. They could stay in bed and watch all the movies Cas doesn't know.

They'd probably argue about them. Dean just knows it. Cas is the kind of guy to have a different opinion if only to tease Dean. That would be a good time to find out if Cas is ticklish. If not, Dean would just kiss him stupid. It's possible their shirts would just disappear in the process. And instead of finding ticklish spots, Dean could search for all the places on Cas body that make him lose his mind.

With a sigh, Dean bangs his forehead against the wall in front of him. It finally makes sense. He's not feeling electrified and tense because he's afraid, he's just fucking horny.

The degree of his need is quite visible when he looks down on himself, and his hand automatically moves down when he realizes what he's doing. Cas is in the next room; he can't just get himself off in here. Instead, he adjusts the temperature of the water and tries to think about anything but Cas.

It turns out to be impossible. After all, Dean's been on a dry spell for months now, and somehow he manages to link everything back to Cas. At some point, he totally loses focuses and seconds later his thoughts drift back to last night. What if they haven't been so tired? Dean can feel Cas' lips on his own again. He imagines letting go of Cas' shirt and reaching under it. He remembers how close they have been; their legs almost tangled.

Dean can't help it anymore. He reaches down and starts stroking himself while his mind goes crazy. What if he went into the other direction instead? His fingers gliding down Cas' stomach, his nails digging into the skin along his hip bones until he can sneak his fingers into Cas' boxers to make him feel just as good as he does now. He would kiss along his jaw, down his neck, teasing him with little bites while he strokes his cock. Cas' breathing hitches and Dean keeps going, listening to his moans, waiting for him to say his name.

"Dean?"

Dean jumps up in shock and grips the shower head to keep himself from slipping. Cas' voice is still ringing in his head, and it takes him a moment to understand that it's coming from the other room. "Dean, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just taking a shower."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure. Why?" He makes sure to check his footing before he lets go of the shower head and tries to regulate his breathing. Cas voice sounds a lot more muffled now.

"I felt this- I don't know, but it woke me up. And you've been in there for a while. I just wanted to check up on you."

Dean sighs. Now that's just perfect. It's bad enough that he's horny as hell, but with their connection, he can't even do anything about it, because Cas will know. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

There's no more answer, and he assumes that Cas, unlike him, is satisfied for now. He turns off the water and steps outside, just to realize that he didn't bring fresh clothes. With a quiet curse, he towels himself down, not even bothering with his hair, and ties the towel around his hips. At least the shock took care of his excitement. He just has to convince Cas to take a shower himself, and when he's in here, Dean can get dressed and get out. He won't be able to ditch Cas forever, but it'll give himself time to get his shit together.

He takes another deep breath and opens the door, just to realize that his plan won't fly. He missed when exactly Cas got out of bed. He must have taken a shower himself, because his hair is wet, and he wears the same thing as Dean. Just a towel.

Hearing the door, he throws him a concerned look over his shoulder. "Good morning."

"Morning." Dean mumbles the word under his breath and tries to figure out what to do. Cas is standing in front of the dresser that houses the most of their clothes and rummages around in the top drawer. Dean catches himself watching the muscles of his back and shoulders move, and a few drops of water make their way from the tiny curls at his neck, deeper and deeper down his back until they disappear under the towel.

Dean wants to follow the wet trails with his tongue and leave tiny bite marks here and there. And he also wants to ask Anna for a whole canister of anesthesia. Hell; he needs it if he wants to sleep one more night in the same bed as Cas. Cursing himself in his mind, Dean steps next to Cas. The sooner he gets dressed, the sooner he can get out of here. If he doesn't jump the guy first.

Whatever Cas showered with, it's freaking intoxicating. He smells like those colorful pictures of space look like. It's moonshine and stars, high and low tide, whole galaxies hidden in one person. Dean feels like losing his mind.

Suddenly, his catcher pushes an ACDC shirt at him. "You want to wear this?"

"What? No, um, it's fine. You take it. I'll just-" He doesn't finish the sentence, he only wants Cas to put on the damn shirt. Of course, it doesn't happen. Instead, Cas throws it onto the bed and turns to the next drawer. At that moment, Dean wants to punch him in the face.

Cas must have felt his outburst of rage. His head snaps up, and he watches Dean even more concerned. "Are you sure you are alright? I had this feeling again."

It's becoming more and more impossible to get out of this, and Dean just loses it. "Oh, I'm sorry. Are my feelings inconvenient for you? It's not like I asked you to have them. You are the one who's not teaching me to block them."

"Because you don't have to. And the more open we are with each other, the better we can work together."

"Then why are you blocking your feelings?"

Cas presses his lips together. "That's not the point, you're afraid, and-"

Okay, listen. Before this thing started, I was a very sexual person. I had girls, and I had guys, and on one pretty awesome occasion, I had both at the same time. But now I'm stuck in here, and I can't do anything, because the second I touch myself, you get a weird feeling. I'm not afraid, Cas, I'm fucking horny."

There's silence hanging between them, so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Cas has the nerve to look down at Dean like he needs to check if he tells the truth. "Do you want me to help?"

A nervous laugh is breaking out of Dean. "Help? You want to help me jerking-" His voice trails off, and Cas shrugs. He's standing in front of Dean, in a towel, and shrugs his naked shoulders, like this is the regular thing to do. For a moment, Dean swears he's still asleep. "Why would you engage in- well, this- with me, of all people?"

Either Cas lost control for a moment, or he did in on purpose. Dean feels like he's been struck by lightning, and Cas comes closer, much closer. Too close. "Not everything is about you, Dean. I'm a person as well, and I'm not the problem here. You are the one with the lovely eyes, and the plush lips, which for some reason, you can't stop licking. You have been flirting with me since day one, and I thought this was just your personality, but you're only doing it to me. You kept asking me about my kinks. You have been sleeping in my bed before we even walked together, leaving that delicious smell all over the sheets I had to sleep in afterward. And I'm also not the one who insists on keeping up the connection all the time. So keep your problems to yourself."

If he'd take a step back and think about this for a moment, Dean might have reacted differently. But he's feeling Cas' anger and repays him in kind. "I'm pretty? Have you looked in a mirror lately? And if I remember correctly, you put those handcuffs on me, leaving not much to the imagination. You held the door open for me to sleep in your bed, with you still in it if I might add. You are the one who's constantly in my space, driving me crazy with that promising sex voice. You're the one who's all raw power and control, made of muscles and sinews. I can't even concentrate on the most simple combat training because I want to fail, so you pin me down and hold me in place with those ridiculous thighs. Right now, I wonder how I even made it so far. I mean, look at you. And you can't give me five freaking minutes in the shower?"

The silence now is even worse than before, but Dean can feel how Cas calms down. "I'm sorry, Dean. I never meant to overwhelm-"

Dean growls at him. "Seriously? My brother has been abducted; I found out I have a superpower, and I've had to sit in this bunker for weeks. But, yeah sure, you are what's overwhelming me."

"Don't make fun of this, Dean. Especially not after what happened last night. A panic attack-"

"I told you, I'm fine."

"You kissed me!"

It's the first time Cas ever raised his voice in front of Dean, and he's not sure if it's just a statement or an accusation. Still, it doesn't change how he feels about it. "I didn't see you running for the hills when I did. It's not about the shower, or that you hide your memories and feelings from me. It's that. I just can't for the life of me figure out why you did that. You kissed me back, Cas. Me?"

For a moment, Dean feels empty inside. Alone. There's nothing from Cas. It's just his pain, fear, and hopelessness. It's the void he hasn't been able to fill. Cas looks at him like he's a puzzle he can't solve, and Dean can't hold back the tears that are welling in his eyes.

"I don't know why you hate yourself so much, Dean, but I looked into your soul. I see your mind; I know what you're feeling. And there's nothing there that deserves this kind of hatred. You are worth so much more. You know what you deserve? Happiness. All those people out there, they love you. And I kissed you back because I love-"

He can't finish the sentence. Dean doesn't let him. He grabs Cas shoulders, pleading with him. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."

When Cas opens his mouth, Dean kisses him, and Cas gives in. His feelings are back, and Dean lets himself drown in them. It's warm and hopeful, bending what's broken in him, and embracing what he can't fix. It makes Dean forget about everything else, and they end up on the bed, the ACDC shirt forgotten underneath them.


	24. Real Dreams

_I hope when you sleep you dream_  
_And I hope when you dream you dream of me_  
_And I hope when you wake_  
_You wake with a smile_  
_Because your lips found my lips_  
_In that perfect stillness_  
_That fills the space_  
_Between such a long and beautiful blink._  
_\- Tyler Knott Gregson_

* * *

 

 

It’s not the first time that Dean shoved somebody onto a mattress and things went out of control from there but it’s never been like this.

He didn’t let Cas finish the sentence but he can feel what his catcher was about to say. It comes close to yesterday night when they kissed for the first time but it’s not a sleepy drowse close to a dream. It’s real and honest and true.

The fact that Dean has been thinking about doing just that in the shower doesn’t help either and what makes matters worse is Cas’ utter lack of control. Dean is only used to a filtered version of Cas’ emotions, not a combination of raw love and passion. In seconds, Dean feels feverish and Cas’ naked, hot skin against his own is unbearable.

Dean rolls over, putting as much space as possible between the two of them and tries to catch his breath. Cas sits up and looks down on him, taking several breaths in rapid succession before he can speak. “Are you alright?”

Dean shakes his head and then immediately nods. “It’s fine. I just forgot about the connection thing.” When Cas still looks worried, Dean smiles and points at himself. “This is me, being overwhelmed.”

“It’s harder to suppress my feelings like this but I can do it.”

Cas’ words imply that he doesn’t want to stop which sends another heat wave over Dean’s body. He lets it wash over him and it’s more pleasant than hurtful this time, so Dean shakes his head. “Double the fun, right?”

“Not if it hurts you.” Cas doesn’t say it but the space between them becomes more obvious by the second and Dean regrets his instinct to flee like that.

He gets to his knees and crawls over to Cas, feeling the tension between them rising. It draws him in just like yesterday and Dean kisses Cas again, way more careful than before. When they part, he makes sure to look Cas in the eyes, giving his words more meaning. “I like this, okay? I want it and I want you. But if we do this, I want all of it, not a half assed version of it. Capiche?”

“Yeah, I capiche.” In good old Cas fashion, his catcher is staring right back at Dean, his eyes saying much more than words ever could. At least until a small smile is creeping onto his face. “Double the fun.”

Dean answers by pushing Cas back onto the mattress. “We just have to go slow. And I’m going to start. You are better at dealing with those feelings than I am.”

Cas doesn’t object and waits for Dean to come closer and kiss him again, finding out that Dean meant going slow literally. He takes his time now, touching his lips against Cas’ lips, getting used to the shape and texture and tasting him with the tip of his tongue. Only when that doesn’t set of fireworks in his stomach anymore, he dares to explore Cas’ mouth, taking long pauses in between where they only breathe each other in.

The sensation becomes a bearable warmth in his whole body and Dean dares to move forward. He nuzzles his head against Cas’ neck and makes his way further down with kisses and careful bites. He explores Cas’ collarbone and his lips slowly wander to Cas’ nipple where he discovers a small freckle he’s never noticed before. When Dean circles his tongue around it, Cas arches his back and a wave of heat shoots through both of them.

Dean would love to tease Cas with that but ultimately he’d also be teasing himself, so he moves down to Cas’ belly button instead and even lower. Now he’s where he wanted to be for ages. Every time Cas changed his clothes, ran around topless or his freaking shirt rode up just an inch, Dean has been staring at this one spot. Castiel’s hip bone.

Dean doesn’t understand his fascination with this one part of Cas’ body but he can’t get over it. At first, he doesn’t dare go near there with his mouth. Instead, his fingers trail along the bone and Dean’s marveling over how soft the skin is.

For a while now, Dean compared Cas to the angel from the book. A warrior and almighty force against evil. While reading, he couldn’t help but imagine Cas as the protagonist. And the comparison isn’t too far off. Dean remembers how he’s been pressed against Cas’ body at the shooting range and how Cas manhandled him during every damn close combat training. He is strong and unforgiving. Cas always plans three steps ahead to make sure he has the upper hand and he’s suspicious by nature.

But here they are, Dean brushing his lips over that soft spot of vulnerable skin and Cas does nothing. He’s sprawled out on the bed, eyes closed, trusting Dean. It shouldn’t be so intoxicating but the thought sends new waves of heat through Dean’s body, washing away most of his caution.

Dean runs his hands down Cas’ body, lingering over the towel for a moment before he moves the annoying fabric aside. For a moment he doesn’t dare to look, almost embarrassed, but then he catches Cas’ eye. He’s not waiting or asking for something but his gaze promises Dean all the time in the world, whatever he choses to do.

While wondering down Cas’ body, Dean planed on tasting Cas, taking him into his mouth and make him go crazy but now that feels too far away. He lies down next to Cas instead, pushing their bodies together and kissing him. It brings on the heat much quicker but Dean doesn’t have it in him to stop.

Cas’ tongue is rubbing against Dean, and his hands caress Dean’s body until his fingers reach the towel. Spurred on by Dean’s movements, Cas takes hold of the fabric and brushes it aside just like Dean did. The feeling of skin on skin is almost too much for Dean but he forces himself to push through or they’ll never be able to get any farther than this.

Without thinking, Dean just lets his body do the work. His hand grabs a fist full of Cas’ hair and he holds him in place to kiss him while their bodies brush against each other. For a moment, that gives him control but a second later Cas’ cock rubs against his own and something in Cas just snaps.

He’s pushing Dean into the mattress and gets on top of him with something close to a growl. Instead of kissing Dean’s mouth, Cas follows a trail from Dean’s ear down his neck and before Dean can get used to any of this, Cas’ hand reaches down between them. His fingers close about the two of them and start to stroke at a pace that makes Dean see starts.

Not that he complains. In fact, he’s not able to think or say much of anything. Everything that comes out of his mouth are moans and short profanities, mixed with Cas’ names and colorful curses. He only gets some of his brain function back when Cas stops his hands and his lips hover close over Dean’s.

Cas is breathing rapidly and his voice is even raspier than usual. “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry.”

Dean can feel his worry and shame show through the haze of longing and lust, and Dean does his best to make it go away. “No, Cas. More. Please.” He sneaks the words in between kisses and moves his hips to push against Cas’ hand. “I want more. I want to feel you.”

Dean’s not sure he can actually say what he means but he spreads his legs and his thoughts are pretty clear in regards to what he wants. Cas still searches his eyes and focuses on Dean’s face instead of all the other sources of pleasure he could explore. “Are you sure?”

Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since Dean has been with somebody, maybe it’s the sound of Cas’ voice or the fact that he cares so much about Dean and not his own pleasure but something in Dean just gives in, like a wall that’s breaking down, and Dean realizes that he is sure. Maybe for the first time in his life, he doesn’t hold back, think of a back up plan or just pretend. He wants this and he feels save to ask for it.

“Yes.” Cas raises his eyebrows in question, giving him a last chance to back down and Dean can’t help himself, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess you wore me down.”

Cas rolls his eyes and with a growl he bites Dean’s neck. It’s a playful gesture and Dean feels how every last bit of tension leaves his body. He becomes a mess of warmth, pleasure and comfortable suspense. When Cas stretches himself to fish a bottle of lube out of the nightstand, Dean runs his hands up and down Cas’ body, not willing to break their physical connection.

He even becomes giddy when Cas pushes a pillow under his ass to make him more comfortable and somehow none of this feels embarrassing anymore. Instead, Dean is taken back to the heat and lust part of their encounter when Cas trails his fingers down his cock and balls, and starts to tease his hole.

It takes Dean a little while to get used to his muscles stretching around Cas’ fingers but when Cas bends down to kiss and lick at every part of Dean that he can reach, Dean drowns in a pool of arousal and he doesn’t mind one bit. Cas takes his sweet time and in the end it’s Dean who claws at Cas shoulders and drags him up to rub their bodies together again.

Dean only gives Cas free as long as it takes him to carefully push into Dean, always giving him time to adjust and constantly worried to hurt him. Only when Dean wraps his arms and legs around Cas and brings up the courage to right out ask Cas to finally fuck him, Cas lets go of any restrictions and soon they move in such a frenzy that everything around them becomes a blur.

Dean can’t remember that anybody ever made him feel this good, and it’s not only about their connection. For once, it’s Dean who’s protected and safe. Cas is holding him and Dean knows for sure that he won’t ever let him fall. It makes his heart open up and his soul aching for more. He takes Cas’ face into his hands and does his best to say the words, broken up by gasps and moans. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“For what?” Cas has just as much trouble speaking but he stopped moving and he’s watching Dean, waiting desperately for an answer.

“I interrupted you before. You wanted to say something.”

Cas’ furrows his brows, his head slightly tilting to the side. “Do you want me to say it now?”

Dean feels his heart leap in his chest and the words almost get caught in his throat but he manages to say them. “Yes, please.”

Cas slowly starts moving again, with more purpose now, and he looks down at Dean with an expression that takes Dean’s breath away. “I love you, Dean.”

He wanted to hear it but Dean never would have thought what impact those tiny words could have on him. His whole body catches fire and his soul finally gets what its been waiting for. In just one moment galaxies are born inside of him and he comes undone, taking Cas with him.

Dean’s not sure if he passed out for a second but it takes him a while to get his breathing under control and Cas snuggles up next to him and tries to do the same. They stay like this until Dean turns to Cas and presses a light kiss on Cas’ forehead. After all, he’s not done yet. “Cas?”

“Hm.”

Dean takes a deep breath, all his courage pouring into this one sentence. “I love you, too.”

Cas smiles and gives him a kiss and Dean is stunned by how easy that was. He runs his tongue over his teeth like tasting something new and tries it again. “I love you. I love you, Cas. I love you.”

“Dean, I think I got it now.”

“Yeah but you know what?” Dean just can’t help himself, he’s so overjoyed that the words force its way out of him in a sing-song. “I love you!”

With a grunt, Cas buries his face in Dean’s neck. “I love you too but please, shut up.”

Dean rubs his cheek along Cas’ face, a wide grin spreading over his face. “Make me!”


	25. Behind The Curtain

_Dreaming is the truest confessional,_  
_And often the sharpest penance._  
_\- Alexander Smith_

* * *

 

 

“Sam, are you okay?” Ruby carefully rubs little circles into Sam’s back and bends over his cowering frame to get a glimpse of his face.

Sam wants to say yes, but cold sweat is running down his body while his insides are on fire. They’ve constantly been pushing his abilities and this time; they went farther than ever. Too far.

Over the last few weeks, Sam has been confronted with his worst memories over and over again, but Ruby still forced him to continue, to open up. It was necessary to strengthen his ability, and after meeting with Sayten, Sam tried to work with Ruby as best as he could. The memory they brought up today was too much, though.

He sees the day Missouri told Sam and Dean about their father’s death. Sam doesn’t even remember her exact words or what happened that day. All he knows is how Dean wrapped his arms around Sam and promised to protect him. He never broke that promise, but even Dean couldn’t shield Sam from the pain.

Losing their mother has been bad enough, but Sam couldn’t even remember her. She was a concept Sam never got to experience. But his dad was real. A person with feelings and thoughts, with a smell and a voice. And then from one moment to the other, he was gone. Even standing in a well-lit room next to Ruby, two heads taller than her and aged so many years, Sam feels like the little boy again that cried in Dean’s arms, with that horrible emptiness in his chest.

When he doesn’t answer, Ruby sits down in front of him and moves closer until her arms can surround him and he buries his face in her neck. She pats his hair, and her voice becomes warm and soothing. “It’s okay, Sam. We can stop. You’ve done so well today; we’ll just keep going tomorrow.”

He shakes his head, angry at himself. “At this rate, we’ll never get out of here.” Sam looks up to Ruby and does his best not to let the tears fall that are welling in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I can do better.”

Ruby smiles, her hands still a warm presence at his neck. “You don’t have to apologize. We’re in this together, and we’re going to get out of this together.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

Sam can’t help the hopeful tone in his voice, and Ruby gives him a crooked smile. “I have some feelings for you, but they’re not anger.”

Before Sam can ask what kind of feelings she has for him, Ruby leans in, her lips coming closer and closer and when she stops, Sam closes the gap between them and kisses her.

After the emptiness, Sam’s mind fills to the brim with feelings. His, hers, he doesn’t know. It only lasts as long as their lips touch and Ruby backs away with a smile. “Let’s just stay here for a bit, okay?”

Sam nods and hugs her to his body so she can’t see his face. Ruby nuzzles against him, and it takes all of Sam’s willpower to hide his feelings from her.

All this time when they’ve been walking together, Ruby has pushed Sam to let her in, to let her see his memories and thoughts. Of course, he tried to do the same with her, but he could feel that she was holding back. He convinced himself that she was afraid and for a good reason. It’s not exactly pleasant to have a stranger rummaging around your brain. But just now, for the few seconds that she didn’t keep herself entirely in check, Sam sees right through her.

He’s sure that’s not what she intended to get out of the kiss. After all, what he just witnessed was her like he’s never seen her before. A Ruby who's talking to Crowley, giving him information about Sam. Ruby being with Sayten, laughing, promising him that they’d soon have everything they desire. Ruby who has just one goal; using him whichever way she pleases.

A strange calmness oozes into Sam, and he can’t help but smile. Ruby is right there; he could just snap her neck and she wouldn’t even see it coming. She might think she’s got him wrapped around her finger, but he’s a dream weaver, and they all promised him that he’s going to be the most powerful of them all.

“Ruby?”

“Yes?”

“I think I’m good. Let’s try again.”

Ruby watches him with those big eyes she always uses to change his mind. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sick of this place. I finally want to get out of here.”

She nods with a smile and Sam can feel her when he starts to concentrate. This time is different than their other tries. He opens up just enough to make her feel like he’s trying but keeps himself in check, so she won’t notice what he’s hiding. Without even blinking an eye she gives him the same instructions as always, and Sam knows she doesn’t suspect a thing. And just like this, she's a little deer, and Sam becomes the hunter.

 


	26. Plotting The Rescue

_To the ones who still believe in dreams: chase them._  
_Chase them until you’re out of breath. Then, keep running._

* * *

 

 

Dean and Cas are starting the day with Ash and Charlie in the tech room. Even with Crowley as a backup plan, they're still trying to find Sam on their own. After a while, Chuck comes in with Jo to add their newest information, brought by the libs who frequently come by the bunker.

"I have a lot of reports about activity at this warehouse here." Dean points at the map to show it to Cas.

"Yeah, I think I know who-" Cas stops himself mid-sentence, and Dean feels why. His emotions go off like fireworks. It can only mean one thing.

"Is it-?" Dean doesn't finish the sentence either, but Cas pulls out a phone. Not the one he usually uses.

"Yes?" He keeps an eye on Dean while he's listening to the caller, and after a moment he hangs up and checks his phone.

Dean has trouble to breathe, and alarmed by their strange behavior the others look at them as well. Ignoring them, Cas keeps staring at his phone for another minute before he turns to Chuck. "Get everybody. It's time."

Chuck raises his eyebrows, absolutely confused. "Time for what?"

"To get Sam." Cas turns to Dean and nods slightly. "I know where he is."

  
Dean has been waiting for this moment for weeks, but now that it's finally here, he can't focus on a single thought. While Chuck rushes outside to get the others, Cas hands his phone over to Charlie to share the information with all of them.

When Cas comes back to the table, Dean grabs his arms. "Where?" He frantically points to the map. "Where is he, Cas?"

Cas slightly shakes his head. "It's not so easy."

Before Dean can press more information out of him, Chuck comes back with the rest of their crew. They take position around the table and wait for Cas to speak. When everybody is silent, Cas gets to his feet.

A wave of dread is washing over him, and Dean knows why. Since the day they met with Crowley, a shadow clouded all of his feelings. "I have to inform you about a secret I was hiding from all of you. I'm not proud of it, but our chances of finding Sam without help ranged from slim to nonexistent."

Nobody objects. If Cas assesses a situation, you better trust his judgment. Cas takes the silence in for a moment, and Dean feels how he's calming himself, getting ready for the storm. "I made a deal with Crowley to get Sam's location."

The crew's reaction is an outburst of different emotions and opinions, none of them positive. There's no visible change in Cas' posture, but Dean can feel him. There's sorrow, guilt, pain, fear. Memories of Crowley are flooding his mind, not a single good one among them.

It finally makes sense. Dean remembers the stoic guy who hasn't answered his questions and rarely spoke more than he had to. Cas is so full of emotions and thoughts, he tries to keep it all inside as not to overwhelm anybody else.

Dean jumps up from his chair, his hand slapping the table, and his voice roars through the room. "Shut up! All of you!"

The room falls quiet; the silence is ringing in his ears. He puts a hand on Cas' shoulder for support when all eyes turn to him now. "I get that Crowley is a bad dude, believe me. But I'd go through hell for my brother, and Cas was backing me up. It's my fault. If you want to bash anybody, I'm your guy."

"Dean, it's not that we blame Cas-" Charlie looks around the room and shrugs. "It's just- It's Crowley."

She falls silent again, and while she didn't say much, they all know what she means. Chuck is the first one to break the silence again. "There's one good thing, though. Crowley always keeps his deals. So where is Sam?"

Ash pulls up a map on one of their big screens, and Cas walks over to point to a few locations. "He's been here, here, and here. That's why we couldn't pinpoint him. They've been moving him around all the time."

Anna falls against the wall behind her and growls. "Do you see that? The second location is close to the cafe we've been checking out."

"We've been close all along." Cas takes his place next to Dean again. "I haven't thought about this, but it's very smart for two reasons. Even when we found the Saytens, they moved or were spread out all over the city. And if we're right about Sam's abilities, the moving might be the reason why he wasn't able to contact Dean. After all, it takes a lot of skill to work on the distance, and they regularly changed it."  
Chuck studies the last highlighted location on the map. "But he's there right now, isn't he?"

Castiel shakes his head. "Only for another hour. We can't get there in time. They're about to move him again."

"But we know where they are going, right?" Dean jumps up from his chair to take a closer look when Ash marks the route with a red line. "Highland fields? What is that?"

"A private airfield."

"When you say private-?"

Dean doesn't finish the sentence when Cas is already nodding. "Owned by Luke Sayten. It's just open space with a fence around it. There's no way we can get in there without raising the alarm. We have to get Sam while they're on the move."

"So what do we do?"

"All of you keep quiet and let me think for a moment." Nobody says anything, heading the order right away, and Cas turns to Dean. "And that means you as well."

They've been walking together for so long now that Dean's not even sure if he can end it. He closes his eyes for a moment, imagining to run away from Cas as far as possible, pretending nothing is holding him back. When Dean opens his eyes, the world is back to normal. At least the normal he knew before.

He's not so sure he likes it that way, but Cas nods satisfied and focuses on the map. Dean doesn't want to be on his mind right now. He only experienced it in a good way, and even that has been overwhelming. He doesn't want to be in there when Cas is worried.

Instead, he thinks about Sam. He wonders what they did to him; if they trained him; if they hurt him. He turned those thoughts over in his head for a thousand times but surrounded by his new friends it feels even worse.

All of them became family somehow. He trusts them, and can always count on their help. Hell, when he's honest with himself, he even found the love of his life. It's doubtful Sammy managed to do the same.

Cas' voice brakes his train of thought. "Crowley gave us one crucial detail. There's going to be a convoy, but Sam won't be in it. Instead, he's in a refrigerated truck in the front. It's a trap for everybody who somehow got wind of their dream weaver and is going to try and get him. We're going to use that to our advantage."

"Why is it an advantage that they are transporting my brother like cattle?" Dean doesn't blame Cas, but the anger still dribbles into his voice.

Without pause, Cas keeps explaining. "We're going to use their decoy against them. Ash, does that trucker guy still owe you?"

Ash smiles. "He sure does."

"We need a truck, as big as he can get. Our point of attack will be here." He points at a narrow street almost at the end of the route. "After Sam's truck passed, we're going to block the road with the truck. Ash will take charge of the computers; we will need everybody else on the ground. Jo, Charlie, Bobby, Chuck, and Balthazar will be in the front, making sure the truck stays where it is. Gabriel, Ash, Ellen, Anna, and Gadreel will be in the van in the back. You're going to keep them from leaving. They only have these two ways out. Dean and I will stay out of sight until the truck is alone and grab Sam. You have to give us enough time to get him out unchallenged."

Chuck stumbles forward, fiddling with his hands. "Wait, Gadreel won't-"

"He owes me a favor; he will." Cas voice is determined, but Chuck still shakes his head. "And Balthazar? He's always neutral."

Cas glances at Dean for a moment. So far they kept their little shopping tour a secret. "We have a trunk full of weapons we clearly didn't buy at the mall. Balthazar picked a side this time."

Up until now, Dean trusted in whatever preparation Cas had in mind, but the last words give him doubts. "Are you sure we can trust them? What if they just come along to grab Sam for themselves?"

"We have three loyal people in every group, Dean. If they're stupid enough to try anything, they'll regret it. And Ash will monitor every move. I thought about leaving them out, but our chances are better with them."

There's a moment of silence while everybody goes over their role in the plan in their heads. Dean fears some of them might back out, but then Gabriel claps his hands together and smiles like the day couldn't get any better. "Okay fine. Team Trickster? Let's move."

Anna rolls her eyes at him, but Gabriel's team leaves. Even Ash follows them to hand out the equipment they'll need. Jo and Charlie start to think about their team name, and everybody clears out until only Dean and Cas are left.

Dean knows it's time for them to go, but he can't get up. "What if I'm losing him?"

"You won't, I can promise you that." It's the thing to say, but as always, Dean believes him. After all, Cas doesn't lie. When he's not answering, Cas walks over and waits till Dean looks at him. When he does, Cas offers him his hand. "It will be okay. Just walk with me, Dean."

He's not concentrating or breathing, nor thinking about anything, but even before he takes Cas' hand, the connection is there, like they never been separated.


	27. The Great Escape

_Sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream no one can see but you._

* * *

 

They've been listening over the com, and so far their plan is working. Their two teams stopped the convoy and Cas and Dean are on their way to halt the truck. The plan is for Cas to get close enough, so Dean can jump on it and open the doors from behind. It's pretty much a suicide mission, but the best they could come up with.

It comes different, though. When Dean gets ready to jump, the truck turns to the right, heading into another alley. Dean can feel Cas' surprise additional to his own, and it takes him a moment to turn the bike around. The truck is at the end of the street, turning another corner, and when they reach the crossroads themselves, they lost sight of it. Dean tries not to panic. They are in a cluster of streets, separated from the main road. The truck can't go anywhere; they just need to find it.

Two streets later, it finally gets back in sight. It stopped at the side entrance of a warehouse, and suddenly time seems to move slower. A few guys in black suits get out of the truck, and one of them opens up the back. It feels like a dream when Dean sees him. Sam. "That's him, Cas hurry; that's him."

Cas is already pushing the bike to its limit, but it's not enough. The guys in black haul his brother inside, and instead of driving to them, Cas turns the next corner and stops, taking his helmet off. "It's too late, Dean. We can't just drive up there, or they simply shoot us."

Dean takes off his helmet as well and throws it against the next wall. "This place is not the last resort. They knew we were coming."

"Because they're not Sayten's guys."

"What?" Dean looks at Cas in bewilderment, and his catcher shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Dean. This is just one of a thousand possible ways this could go. You said yourself; someone could betray us. In this case, it's Crowley. He was playing us from the start. I bet he knew where Sam was at all times. First, he used us to get the ledger, and then he used our people to take out Sayten's men and grab Sam for himself."

There's no word for what Dean is feeling right now because furious just doesn't cut it. "What now?"

Cas peeks around the corner, and this time, he's not shutting himself off. Dean sees entryways, stairs, numbers of enemies, and possible plans. "This is a good thing. I don't think all of Crowley's men are libs. It should be easy to take them down. The only one we have to fool is Crowley himself."

"And how do we do that?"

"We just walk in."

"What?"

More thoughts are rushing through Dean's mind, but he can't follow the logic, especially when Cas smiles. "You told me my plans have too much moral. I should change that. We convince Crowley we want to join him, help him bring down Sayten, and promise him to recruit more people to his cause."

Dean huffs. "You think he'll buy that?"

There's doubt in Cas mind; he can feel it. "He might believe you, after all, it's your brother, and you just joined us. I guess the problem is me. I need to be convincing."

"Yes, you are the problem." Dean's hand wanders down his leg, grabbing his knife. "And it has to be very convincing."

Dean walks into the front entrance of the warehouse, holding up his hands, waving his knife in one of them. "Crowley? Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Seconds later he has two guns trained on him, and one angry guy is shouting. "Drop it."

"Keep calm, guys. I just want to talk to your boss." He holds the knife in front of him. "And he'll want to see this, believe me."

Still keeping up his gun, one of the goons steps forward to take the knife from him. Dean has a hard time not to laugh. He could have killed them both five times over, especially when the knife keeper pushes the gun into his back and tells him to move.

They walk up a few stairs, and Dean catalogs the surroundings in his mind. He made a plan for his entrance, but not knowing the terrain, he'll have to come up with a way out on the fly. "Nice crib, man."

"Shut up." The gun gets pushed into his back again, and Dean looks forward to the moment he will take these two out.

Finally, they lead him into a huge hall. There are crates and boxes everywhere, but a big desk dominates the room. Well, and about ten men who'd be euphoric to take Dean out.

For now, they keep the peace, though, but watch him carefully when Crowley gets up from behind the desk and comes closer to him. "Dean Winchester. I was wondering if you'd show up. I have to disappoint you; there's no way to get your brother out of here."

Dean smiles. "I don't want him out of here."

The satisfaction is almost overwhelming when Crowley makes the dumbest face Dean has ever seen on him. He's thinking about it, but can't come up with a solution. "And why is that?"

"I want to join you."

Crowley laughs. "Oh really?! You just walk in here and want to join me? I just saw you riding along with your little friend on your bike. Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise."

"My little friend didn't make it." Dean nods to one of the men who brought him in, and at least he's intelligent enough to hand the knife over to Crowley.

He's turning it around in his hand, trying to puzzle the information together. Carefully, he runs one finger over the blade, examining the red liquid on it. He smells it before he drops the knife to get a tissue out of his jacket pocket and clean his fingers. "You want me to believe that you killed Castiel? Why would you do that?"

"Seriously?" Dean huffs a laugh, but his voice is angry when he starts talking. "I've been living with those hippies for months. They couldn't find anything until you told them what to do. And then they were dumb enough to train me. I was just waiting for the right moment to make my move, and this is it." He spits on the ground, eyeing the knife. "You know what he told me outside? It's too late. He didn't think we can make it inside. He would have left my brother behind to save his ass. Well, I guess he didn't think this through."

Crowley walks over to his desk and sits down again, leaning back in his chair. "So I take it you're not walking right now?"

"I just knifed my catcher, what do you think?"

"Then tell me, why would I want you to join me?"

"I just explained it to you; they trained me. And I'm good. Your guys here are not a match. I mean, how many of them even have powers? And my brother can be very stubborn. He won't just do what you want him to do. Unless of course, I tell him to do it. You might not know this, but we worked construction sites for years, real shit holes. You pay us good money, get me back my car, and we work some jobs for you. How does that sound for a deal?"

There's no time for Crowley to answer because there's an ear-shattering blast nearby, shaking the walls. A few of Crowley's guys want to run over, but he points at Dean, his face red and angry. "No! Kill him!"

They can't. This is the moment of truth, and Dean won't mess it up. With one step he flips up the knife into his hand, and a second later it comes out of the nearest guy's throat, making the gun in his hand useless. The two guys who brought him in fall before the others can even reach for their weapons.

The rest just happens like a dream. Dean can feel the adrenaline rush, knowing that Cas is fighting as well, and he just doesn't stop. He's beating and kicking, drops of blood landing on his skin when he lands a good hit, but he doesn't care. He's ducking shots and throws the last guy into the wall with so much force that he can hear the bones break.

Just a second later, he's upon Crowley, grabbing him by the lapels, drawing his fist back for the punch. He doesn't land it, though. The adrenaline rush is wearing off, and he feels something that turns his insides to ice. Nothing. His connection to Cas is still there, but without feelings or thoughts. It's just emptiness. With a scream, he pushes Crowley away with so much force that the man flies backward and crashes into the massive desk, before he falls to the ground, unconscious.

As fast as he can, Dean runs through the hall, heading into the adjacent corridor. It's a battlefield. He has to step over a few bodies and the door at the end is a giant hole in the wall. Parts of the ceiling are on the ground, more of Crowley's men buried under it, and on one side, there's another figure hidden in dust and rubble.

"Cas!" Dean's heart stops, and he falls to his knees next to Cas just a second later. His hands hurriedly scoop away the pieces of wall, and he turns Cas over as gently as he possibly can.

"Come on, you better open your eyes, or I'll kick your ass!" Dean keeps murmuring threats while cleaning dust from Cas' cheeks and relief rushes through him when their connection sparks.

Cas moves, but stops a second later, pain written all over his face. "Ah, leg."

In his rush, Dean overlooked a big junk of wall that covers Cas' left leg. He tries to move it, but even in his walking state, it's a hard task. Cas grabs Dean's arm and shakes his head. "Dean, leave it."

"I have to get you out." Dean keeps trying, but Cas pushes at him.

"Dammit, Dean, there's no time! I tried to get as many of them as I could, but there's two of them left. They have Sam, and I'm sure they're heading for the roof."

"Well, then they have nowhere to go." Just as the words leave Dean's mouth, a daunting sound fills the air, making Dean curse. "A helicopter? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Listen to me, Dean." Cas' voice is full of pain and Dean focuses all his attention on him. "You have to go right now. It takes too long to get me out. Once they get Sam into that helicopter, I'm certain he'll be gone forever."

Fear grips Dean's heart, and he's ready just to jump up and run after his brother, but he can't leave Cas behind. His catcher has other plans, though. "There's a good chance you need Sam's powers to get out of here. That means he needs a catcher. Do you remember when I said you couldn't give the gift to somebody else?"

It's been a while since their early talks, but Dean remembers. "Yes?"

"That's not entirely accurate. You can't turn somebody into a lib, but you can lend other libs your gift. I want you to take mine and catch your brother."

Dean freezes. He just managed to be comfortable with his abilities, and now he's supposed to use somebody else's. "Man, I don't know. I haven't trained for this."

Cas huffs and stares at Dean with that intense glare that still makes Dean's knees go weak. "Dean, you've been born for this. I've seen walkers train for years and never get as good as you've been after two weeks. I broke my promise never to catch again for you, and I don't regret it. That's the moment you've been waiting for all this time. You're so compassionate and full of love, there's simply no place left for fear."

"But Cas..." Of course, Dean wants to object, but Cas won't have it.

"Dean Winchester, you better kiss me and go, or I swear to god..."

He can't finish the sentence when Dean presses his lips on Cas' and kisses the air out of him. When they part, Dean smiles. "Okay, shut up, I'm going."

Cas' face relaxes into that soft expression he only reserves for Dean. "I love you."

He told Dean before, and of course, Dean felt it, but never like this. There's no more holding back. Every bit of hope, love, and happiness that Cas has ever felt seems to ooze out of him and into Dean, taking hold of his soul, surrounding it like a shield. Dean almost falls over, overwhelmed by the fierceness of it. He touches his forehead to Cas', bathing in all the good things his loved one gives him.

When Dean leans back again, Cas is unconscious, the fight finally taking its toll. He makes sure Cas is resting comfortably before getting up. "Don't worry; I'll be back in just a second."

With new courage and hope in his heart, he rushes along the corridor after his brother.

Dean cowers behind a vent on the roof, making sure he doesn't run into a trap at the last second. It seems Cas did a good job, though. There are only two guys left, standing left and right next to his brother. Dean has to keep himself from shouting Sam's name, especially when he spots the helicopter approaching from a distance. Dean has his gun ready and no more time, but he's also not walking anymore. He's still a good shot, but the chance of hitting his brother is just too big.

Like he can force him out of harm's way, Dean stares at Sam's back. The thought repeats itself in his mind like a mantra, and instead of opening himself up like he does while walking with Cas, he reaches out for his brother. After all, he finally knows now.

Sam and Dean have always been like this since their childhood. One feeling the other's pain, finishing each other's sentences, sharing each other's dreams. It makes sense now, and there's got to be a way to make that connection again. Dean remembers what Cas told him and he repeats it in his mind for his brother.

"Come on, Sammy, walk with me. I'm right here. I'm gonna get you, but you'll have to help me out here. Just go down, and all of this will be over. Go down, go down. Sammy!"

Crowley's goons are distracted by the chopper, but Dean, entirely focused on his brother, sees how Sam's shoulders tense like something hit him in the back. Just a second later, he takes a step forward, shaking off the two men next to him, and drops to the ground.

It's all Dean needs. He doesn't even think but steps up from behind the vent, his gun aiming on its own. The echo of two shots drowns out the noise of the helicopter for short moments, and Crowley's men are on the ground.

Dean throws away his weapon and reaches his brother when Sam gets up from the ground. He turns around, staring at Dean like he's seeing him for the first time. "Dean?"

Laughter makes its way out of Dean's mouth, all the pressure falling off of him, and he embraces his brother in a bear hug. "God, it's so good to see your stupid face."

Sam laughs as well, hugging Dean back, but their joy doesn't last long. When they separate, Sam looks back up to the sky. "We better get out of here."

Dean grins, sure that nothing can stop them now. "We just have to make a quick stop. I'll have to introduce you to someone."

On their way back to Cas, Dean and Sam try to catch up as quickly as possible. Sam is excited to find out that his brother has a dreaming ability, too, and he's looking forward to meeting the people who helped Dean to rescue him.

"And Chuck, he's a little weird, but he's keeping that thing together, you know. Oh, and you gonna love Charlie. Just as geeky as you at times. She was the first one to walk with me. Sadly, it didn't work out." Dean knows he's babbling, but he just can't help it. He has his brother back, after all. He's feeling whole again after being torn apart for months.

Sam nods along, amused, but just as happy as his brother. "But you found a catcher in the end, right?"

"Yeah." Dean can't help but smile, and his emotions run wild, a lot of it bursting through their connection, making Sam look at him in wonder.

Dean clears his throat and tries his best to close himself off. "Cas, I mean, Castiel, he didn't want to do it at first. Long story. But he came around and helped me a lot with my walking. Now we just have to get him back on his feet."

The brothers arrive at the end of the corridor, and Dean directs Sam to the place where he left Cas, pointing at the piece of the wall that's still holding Cas in place. "Help me with that."

With their strength combined, they manage to get Cas free without their abilities and Dean crouches down next to him. "Come on, buddy, time to wake up."

Sam brushes his dirty hands off on his jeans and watches Dean's friend. "What happened to him?"

Dean shakes his head with a grunt. "He thought it was a good idea to take out Crowley's guys with a grenade and got caught in the blast."

"Wow, that's..." Sam doesn't have words to describe what he thinks about that. He's still trying to get used to the fact that his brother just shot two men, and now this. Instead, Sam gives Cas another once-over. "He doesn't look hurt aside from the leg. Was he already unconscious or did you speak with him after the explosion?"

"I talked to him, but I couldn't get his leg out, so he lent me his catching ability to get you. Maybe we should just carry him."

Dean looks up to his brother and finds him staring at him in shock. "What do you mean, he lent you his ability?"

"I mean, he told me to use his catching and then he fell unconscious. Can't say I blame him." Dean turns to Cas again, grabbing onto his shoulders and shaking him slightly, but Cas doesn't open his eyes.

"Dean?" There's worry in Sam's voice, and Dean looks around, fearing there might be more enemies around.

"What?"

"Sayten's people trained me, and I read pretty much everything there is to know about dreaming abilities. What you're saying is not possible."

Dean huffs, carefully padding Cas' cheeks now. "Then you read the wrong books because that's what just happened. Would you help me out here?"

Sam doesn't move an inch, his voice becoming even more agitated. "You can't borrow somebody's ability and just give it back. You can only give it away."

Finally, Dean looks back at his brother. "Are you saying Cas is not a catcher anymore? That he gave me his ability?"

Dean gets the daunting feeling that something bad is about to happen. It doesn't help that Sam's face turned white as a sheet, and pure horror is running through their connection. Sam takes a forced breath before he speaks again. "The dreaming ability is always bound to a person; it's a part of them. Giving it away means giving away yourself. Dean, I'm so sorry."

In his heart Dean knows, but he doesn't want to. He shakes his head like he can make what Sam's says go away. "Don't tell me he's dead, Sammy. Don't do that."

"He's a Fallen, Dean; there's no way he's gonna wake up. Just like walking with a Fallen, it's forbidden to sacrifice your gift because there's no way back. He must have known that, right? I can't believe he did that."

Dean thinks back to just minutes ago. How Cas told him, he loved him, the kiss, the smile. It was a damn goodbye. Without thinking, he grabs the lapels of Cas' coat and shakes him. "You stupid idiot! You liar! Why wouldn't you tell me?!"

"Dean?"

He can hear Sam's voice, but Dean doesn't care. Tears are streaming down his face now, and his insides are on fire. He vaguely remembers this feeling from all these years ago when their parents died. There are so much anger and fear, drowning him, pushing him down into a pool of darkness he won't be able to come back from.

Not that he wants to. He's shaking and hitting Cas; his eyes clouded by tears and sounds coming from out of him that aren't human anymore. He even keeps screaming and thrashing around when Sam throws his arms around him, trying to haul him away from Cas' body. "Dean, please, you have to stop."

Cas told Dean not to walk on his own, but he doesn't care. He uses his ability to get out of Sam's grip, draping himself over Cas before turning to Sam. "You have to go."

"Dean, you're not thinking straight."

"He sacrificed himself for you, Sam." Dean's voice is barely audible now and colder than Sam has ever heard it before. "And we did it. He promised me we would get you back, and here you are. You're free, but they'll be back. You have to go now before they come."

Sam shakes his head. "I'm not going without you; you know that."

Dean runs his hand over his face, wiping away the tears before he looks down at Cas. "You feel it, right?"

It's an odd question, but of course, Sam knows. "You love him."

Dean imagined this conversation. How it would be like to open up to his brother. There were so many different versions, but not one like this. "Sammy, you know I love you, and I've always sworn to be there for you, but I can't go with you this time. Cas has been with me from the start, never asking anything for himself. He's such a good person. Sometimes, I felt like I got glimpses at his soul and I've never seen anything so pure and hurt at the same time. He didn't deserve this. He settled for me, and this is what he got. He fell for me. For you. The least I can do is to return the favor."

"Dean..." Sam's objection is weak, and Dean shakes his head.

"I won't leave him, Sam."

Dean looks down at Cas, wishing he get one more glimpse at those eyes. Just one moment.

Instead, he feels his brother's hand on his shoulder and Sam kneels down next to him. "Then neither will I."

 


	28. Fallen

_A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities._  
_\- J.R.R. Tolkien_

* * *

 

 

They've been sitting in silence until the helicopter arrives. Sam can hear them come. It's only three of them, their footsteps coming down the stairs, closer and closer.

Sam takes a deep breath, trying to ignore them, and instead he focuses on the connection to his brother. Dean let go of any defenses, his soul an open book to Sam, and Sam lets it all in. If they have to go down, the last thing he wants to see is how is brother fell in love.

Dean's and Cas' journey is quite the ride, from snapping at each other to thinking about their future together once they saved Sam. One picture, as insignificant as it is, stands out to Sam. Cas is lying in bed, a black cat on his lap, and Dean carefully petting it.

Even when their parents were still alive, Dean has never been a pet person, but if they were to give Sam a dog, Dean promised to help his brother take care of it.

Cats were even worse because they made Dean sneeze. He avoided them at all costs. But here he is, a memory in his mind of stroking the fur of the little black thing. And it's not only to make Cas happy but because Dean is happy.

Dean. Happy.

The two words short-circuit Sam's brain and make him angry. Cas doesn't deserve an end like this, and neither does Dean. Sam has to do something.

He looks from his brother down to Cas who gave up everything, even his ability, to save Sam. And finally, something in Sam’s brain just clicks, the puzzle pieces coming together. “Dean, it’s not over yet!”

His brother doesn’t react. Instead, three men appear in the blown up door, their guns trained on them. “Sam Winchester, we’re here to escort you out.”

Sam gets to his feet, praying that his brother will watch out for him again. His mind reaches out to the men when he speaks. “You’re going to turn around, get back into the helicopter and fly back to where you came from.”

He waits for them to shoot or maybe even laugh but instead, they turn around and walk away. Sam should be happy but his knees give in, and he falls to the ground. His vision becomes foggy, and he’s sure he’s going to pass out, but there’s a voice in his mind, calling him back.

“Sammy, what the hell?!” Dean stares down at him with his outraged big brother expression. He wears it whenever Sam does something stupid or dangerous. At least in Dean’s eyes.

Sam smiles at Dean. “You caught me.”

“What?”

“You used Cas’ ability. That’s why he gave it to you.”

Dean looks down at his hands like the catching is a physical act, and his eyes fill with disgust. “I killed him.”

With a grunt, Sam gets himself into a sitting position and shakes his head. “He’s not dead, Dean. And from what I gather, he’s not an idiot either. In fact, he’s smart and cunning, right?”

Dean looks over at Cas lifeless body. “He was.”

“Dammit Dean, listen to me. It’s not over yet. Cas might have sacrificed himself for me, but he’s given us the chance to do the same for him. We can get him back.”

For the first time since Cas has fallen, Dean sees his brother again, the words finally reaching him. “How?”

Sam’s face lightens up, everything he just learned so clearly visible in his mind. “When I was at Sayten’s estate, he talked to me once. He said things like I would be the one to bring change, the ultimate weapon. I thought he was talking about me, but I think there’s more to it. In the next room was an old guy, lying in bed. Sayten called him Dee, maybe some ancestor of him. I thought he was dying because he was old but now I believe he’s a Fallen. That’s why Sayten wanted me. To bring him back.”

“Why are you telling me this? Sayten is mad. It’s nonsense. Cas and everybody else told me. You can’t bring fallen people back; that’s the whole point.”

“They can’t, Dean. But I’m a dream weaver. I might be able to do it. Sayten believed it, and maybe Cas did, too. It’s our choice now. Walk away, sit here and wait for the end, or you catch me while I get Cas back.”

Dean stares at his brother, everything he just heard rushing through his mind. “You would do that?”

Sam huffs. “Dean, just because you think you’re supposed to do everything for me doesn’t mean I can’t do the same. Do you think I can walk away from here, knowing that I let you down? You’re not my parent. Not everything is up to you. We’re brothers. We do things together, and I know that we can do this.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

It’s a good question, and Sam should be worried. But he’s not. All of this feels right. “At least we’ll be in it together.”

Dean sighs, burying his face in his hands. “My whole life I’ve been trying to avoid something like this. How is it even possible to fuck up this bad?”

“Remember when we put those lego pieces down the air shaft of the Impala?”

When Dean looks up, Sam is smiling at him, and Dean can’t help but laugh. “And your soldier got stuck in the door.”

Sam laughs, too. “Yeah, and dad’s face when he found the carved in initials.” When Dean shakes his head, Sam pats his shoulder. “We’re Winchesters, Dean. Fucking up is what we do. That doesn’t mean we can’t try to fix it.”

Dean studies his brother for a long while before he nods. “When you see him, you have to kick his ass for me. And you don’t back down. He’s a stubborn son of a bitch. Almost as bad as you are.”

Sam throws his arms around his brother, not caring if Dean is going to make fun of him for it. “You just make sure you don’t let go.”

With a big sigh, Dean hugs his brother back. “I won’t let go. Promise.”

_Trust the dreams._  
_In them is the hidden gate to eternity._  
_\- Kahlil Gibran_

* * *

 

 

Sam hopes that Dean doesn’t feel everything through their connection. He’s not as confident as he likes to be. Sam trained a lot with Ruby, but while holding himself back on purpose, he’s never gotten the full dream weaving experience. If he’s perfectly honest, he has no idea what he’s doing.

Still, he tries not to lose hope when all he can see and feel around himself is complete darkness. After all, Ruby has been catching him, and he doesn’t believe for a second that Dean could do worse.

Sam does his best to keep his brother in mind to keep himself grounded while he reaches out for Cas. It’s like making your way around the house at night without the lights on. There are things around him; he just can’t get to them yet.

Maybe that’s how it’s been for Dean when he first tried to walk with Cas. Sam doesn’t want to sneak into more of Dean’s memories, but it might help him to connect to Cas.

The most dominant feeling he gets is a sense of family. Somebody from Cas’ past and their connection. The knowledge of one of the biggest losses you can endure. Now Sam wants to reach out to Cas even more. He’s trying to offer solace and show the other man that he’s not alone.

His sentiment must have triggered something. The darkness recedes, and he finds himself standing on the grass under a blue sky. The sun warms his face, and a light breeze brings the smells of spring to him. He walks along a tree line, following a narrow path until he comes to a bench. A slight pull inside makes him sit down, and he waits, focusing all his thoughts on Cas, the man he’s never met but knows better than most of his friends.

Seconds later, he’s startled when Cas just appears next to him. “Sam.”

It’s not a question, and Sam wonders how aware Cas is of his situation and how much he feels through their connection. “Hey, um, hi Cas. Nice to meet you. I heard a lot about you.”

Cas turns to Sam, worry written over his face. “Did we fail?”

“No, no. Don’t worry. I’m good. Dean got me.”

“Where is your body?”

“In the warehouse. Dean is there as well. We wanted to get you but then…”

Sam doesn’t know how to describe the situation, and Cas lowers his head like he’s ashamed. “I’m sorry I had to deceive Dean. I was sure he wouldn’t go without me otherwise.”

Sam huffs. “Yeah, you can say that. He’s not pleased right now, so we better get out of here.”

Cas shakes his head. “You have to go. By now, Sayten knows about Crowley, and his men will come to get you.”

“I know. So let’s figure out how to get you out of here.” Cas doesn’t react and finally Sam understands. “Wait, you don’t want me to get you out.”

Cas’s expression is pure pain. “Sam, there are reasons nobody walks with the Fallen. It’s already bad enough that you are here now. You have to leave me and go back.”

“Go back to Dean without you?” Sam laughs without humor. “Not a chance.”

“I didn’t give my life so you two can get yourselves killed!” Cas gets up from the bench, towering over Sam. “This is not a discussion. You are going.”

Usually, Sam likes to go with the subtle approach, but Cas’ obstinacy infuriates him. He gets up as well, looking down on Cas. “What if I don’t? Are you gonna hurt me? Here?”

“Sayten’s people haven’t told you much if you think I can’t hurt you. No place is beyond pain.”

“Then do what you need to if it makes you feel better.”

Cas takes a step closer, his face dark. “Don’t test me, boy.”

He’d never say it out loud, but Sam has to admit that Cas is, in fact, scary. But he’d sure need more than this to get him to back down. “I didn’t just drag my brother away from what he thought was your dead body just to go back and tell him that you’re gone for good. I’m here now. Dean and I made our decision just as you did.”

Cas shakes his head, his voice pleading now. “Please, Sam. Nobody even knows if it’s possible to bring somebody back. If you fail, we’ll all be gone, and the only dream weaver we’ve had will be lost.”

Sam sits down on the bench again and takes a deep breath. “Look, I understand what you’re saying, but this is not about the Saytens. It’s about you and my brother.”

Cas swallows hard, forcing himself to speak. “Your brother has a chance now, Sam. All he wanted was to get you back. I promised him that we'd be able to save you and I’m glad I kept that promise. With your abilities and the help of the libs, both of you can make a new life.”

Sam doesn’t answer him but taps the bench beside him. “Please.”

Cas sits down next to Sam and stares into the distance, probably thinking that he won’t give in. Sam doesn’t care. He won’t mess this up. “His whole life, Dean has been pushed down, he’s been hurt and overlooked. He’s endured more pain than any person should and he never complained. Not once. He’s a good soul; you know that.”

Cas gives him a small nod but keeps silent, and Sam continues. “He thinks you settled for him and you think he’s better off without you. Obviously, you’re both wrong. You deserve each other, in the best way possible. You need each other. I’ve never thought I’d say this, but I’m almost glad Sayten took me. We’ve been so caught up in our misery that Dean and I didn’t see the possibilities before us. Yes, Dean has a chance for a new life but not without you.”

“Sam…” Cas tries to interrupt him, but Sam stops him with a harsh gesture.

“Don’t you get it? Dean doesn’t trust people, but he let you catch him. Dean doesn’t fall in love, but hey, here we are. And Dean would never do anything that could hurt me, but he let me do this because he believes that you want to come back. Do you?”

“Of course I do.” Cas doesn’t raise his voice, but for a moment the world around them turns dark again, thunder booms and lightning splits dark clouds above them.

Cas takes a deep breath, and the sun comes back, but Sam can still feel a tingling sensation like electricity all over his body. “Then what’s the problem? What’s holding you back?”

“I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I lost people. It’s not right that I’ll get a perfect life with them gone.”

Sam raises his hand and places it lightly on Cas shoulder. “Can you feel this? Dean doesn’t care. He loves you just as you are, with all the guilt, the pain, and the emptiness. It’s so overwhelming I can barely stand it. I thought I know love, but I’ve never felt anything like it. Hell, I just met you, and I’m still here, aren’t I? Cas, you’re a good person, and whatever penance you feel you have to do, I think it’s enough. You deserve a life with Dean. You deserve to be saved.”

It might help that Sam borrowed the words from Cas himself because all resistance leaves Cas’ body and he turns to Sam with tears in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Sam gets up and holds his hand out to Cas. It probably doesn’t make a difference in the dream state, but he likes to believe that it still matters; reaching out to someone and holding on.

Cas gets on his feet and takes Sam’s hand. “What do I do?”

Sam smiles. “Think about Dean. And then just walk with me.”


	29. Baby Got Back

_Without dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities._  
_\- Gloria Steinem_

* * *

 

 

Dean is sitting between Cas and Sam, his gun in hand and all his senses on high alert. Sam said Dean is not his parent, but right now he feels like a lioness protecting her young. If anybody were to come through the door, Dean would shoot first and as questions later. He’s so tense he snaps like a bowstring when Sam moves.

He grunts and slowly opens his eyes, and Dean is next to him in a second. “Sammy? You’re okay?”

Sam nods and his hand points somewhere behind Dean. “Check him. Check Cas.”

Dean doesn’t have to. He can feel Cas. It’s like taking a breath with your soul. When he turns around, Cas is trying to sit up, and Dean rushes over to help him. Cas blinks slowly, looking around like he doesn’t know where he is until his eyes find Dean.

“Dean.”

Cas’ voice is even rougher than usual, and he almost falls back again when Dean crashes into him. “Dammit Cas!”

Dean hugs him to his chest, his fingers digging into Cas’ back, and he keeps holding on like he never wants to let go. Sam crawls over to them and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Is he okay?”

Dean gives Cas free but holds on to his shoulders, and he can’t help to voice what’s screaming inside of him. “Never do that again!”

“Alright.”

They all take a moment to breathe but then Cas reaches for his ear, and Dean remembers the rest of their crew. He can’t hear them because he took out the earpiece in case Crowley’s goons would check him before they let him in. Cas listens for a moment and tries to get to his feet. Dean jumps up to help him and then Sam while Cas talks to Gabriel. “Yes, we have Sam. We’re on our way back.”

Cas waves Dean and Sam along and heads for the entrance. “They’re still fighting, and it seems Sayten got wind of our plan. He’s sending reinforcements. Everything he got.”

“Okay, let’s help them out.”

When Sam joins them, Cas stops to look at him. “Thank you, Sam.”

“Hey, no problem. We Winchesters are good at fixing things.”

They want to head out, but now it’s Dean who holds them back. “Wait a second, if Cas and I have our connection back-?”

“Yes.” Cas looks from Sam to Dean. “It seems I’m your catcher again. But we’re about to fight an army, so I suggest doing the same for Sam.”

The brothers change a look and Sam shrugs. “Okay, what do I do?”

Instead of looking at him, Cas focuses on Dean. They stare at each other for what seems to be an eternity and Sam is about to ask what’s going on when he can feel something in his chest like somebody is knocking on a door inside of him. He opens up and can feel the connection.

“What did you do?”

Cas gives him a small smile. “Siblings always have a connection. It’s not the same as the ones libs have with each other, but it’s an easy way in.”

Sam clears his throat. “It feels weird.”

“As long as you don’t look into the memories.” Dean smiles at his brothers and pictures start forming in his head. Memories of Cas and him.

“Dean!” Sam shakes his head and Dean laughs but closes himself off, keeping the pictures to himself. Sam gives him another scolding look but waves them along. “Okay, let’s go to your friends.”

Cas and Dean follow him outside, and when they reach the door, Dean reaches out for Cas’ hand. Even with the connection, he feels like Cas is gone and he wants to feel something physical, making sure he’s there. Cas turns to him with a smile, and Dean knows how glad his catcher is that they did it. They saved Dean’s brother. Only deep down inside of Cas is still the regret that he couldn’t do the same for his sister.

It’s not even a clear thought, more of a feeling, but Sam stops so suddenly that Cas and Dean run into him.

“Sammy, what the hell are you doing?”

Sam turns to them, his face puzzled. “Who’s Hannah?”

Cas watches the ground, and Dean squeezes his hand. “Hannah is Cas’ sister. She fell two years ago.”

A clear picture of her appears in all of their minds until Cas takes hold of himself and makes her disappear, but Sam shakes his head. “I don’t think she fell. I saw her.”

Dean’s eyes tell Sam to shut up when pain rushes through their connection but Cas watches Sam and seconds later Sam feels like his head might explode. Cas lets go of Dean and grabs Sam by the shoulders. “Tell me! Where is she?”

“Hey, calm down.” Dean reaches for Cas arm, and he lets go of Sam.

Sam takes a few deep breaths, still holding his head, and Cas is back at watching the ground. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Regret washes over them and Sam nods. “It’s okay. I would have told you sooner, but I didn’t know. They held me in different places. The last one was Sayten’s personal estate. There were cells in the basement and when they walked me into mine we came past another one. When you just thought about Hannah, I could see her. I’m sure it was her, and she was conscious, so either they found a way to bring her back or she never fell.”

They go through another round of turmoil until Cas gets his feelings under control and he reaches for his ear piece. “Gabe, there’s a change of plans.”

 

Dean can’t believe it. Finally, he has her back. His fingers glide along her side, his eyes roaming over her whole form to make sure she isn’t hurt. “It’s good to see you again, sweetheart.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Dean, I didn’t force my will on an innocent woman so that you can make out with a car. Can we get in?”

He doesn’t get an answer from his brother. Dean takes another long look before getting into the car, and Cas and Sam follow him, with Cas sitting in the back and Sam taking his usual place next to Dean. He still feels weird about what he just did. Sending Crowley’s men away was one thing, but telling a police officer that they were police themselves and have to take the car out of evidence is another thing.

“Are you sure she won’t get in trouble?”

Cas is taking in the interior of the car, his eyes falling onto the trapped soldier in one of the doors, but when Sam turns to him, he looks up. “I promise you, Ash or Charlie will take care of it. Nobody will know that we took the car during her shift.”

Dean doesn’t seem to care about any of this. He’s starting the car like opening a present and closes his eyes when the engine roars to life. “God, I missed that.”

Before Sam can complain again, they take off and wave to the nice lady who has no idea who she handed the car to just now. Sam has to trust in the abilities of the two ‘tech geeks’ Cas has been talking about and tries to focus on the mission instead. When Sayten’s people transported him, they usually tried to cover his eyes or made sure he wasn’t aware of his surroundings in another way.

It would have worked, but Sam got his information in many other ways, one being his connection to Ruby. Now, connected with Cas and his brother, he doesn’t even have to speak, Dean just follows his ‘feelings’. It sure is a quiet and weird way to travel, but they reach their target without trouble.

Gabriel was right. Sayten must have completely lost his temper and send everything he got after Sam, leaving his estate open for attack. It makes the three of them worry about the rest of their crew, but it also gives them the perfect opportunity to strike. They are huddled next to a bush at one of the side gates and watch some guards make their rounds.

“What do you think?” Dean takes his gun out, and Cas follows his lead, but Sam shakes his head.

“There’s still a lot of them, and I’m sure they’re guarding the prisoners. I would have hoped that we can sneak past them, but I don’t think it’ll work.”

Cas’ expression grows dark, together with his feelings. “We can’t fight them all. And if Sayten gets wind of an attack, he’ll be back. If we risk going in, there’s no way we’re coming out again.”

He doesn’t add ‘with Hannah’ but they all know it.

“So Sammy does his mind trick again.”

Sam sighs. “I don’t know, Dean. It’s a lot of them, and I wouldn’t know what to tell them. Usually, I give them orders.”

“Do you know your way around inside?” Cas focuses his stare on Sam who nods. “And you know for sure where they hold Hannah?”

“Yes.” Sam has a hard time suppressing a smile. “Ruby thought she could take me for a foul but didn’t get that I was reading her mind. I know everything she knows.”

“Good. Then think about it this way. You don’t have to give the men orders. You just let them believe that there’s nothing to see and nothing to be worried about. We do sneak in, but in plain sight.”

Dean raises his eyebrows at Sam, agreeing with Cas’ idea and Sam nods. “Okay, fine. I think I can do that.”

When one lonely guard walks past them again, they step out of their hiding spot and wait. The man turns around and has two guns trained on him should he even think about making a sound. He doesn’t. In fact, he just keeps walking and reaches into his jacket for cigarettes. While he lights one up, Dean and Sam turn the next corner and Cas follows them two seconds later.

The three of them share a look and move on. It’s still hard to maneuver through a house full of guards, but Sam’s little trick works. Nobody bats an eye, even when they are so close to them that they almost touch. They make their way down into the basement, only stopping for a second when Sam needs a moment to collect himself. After all, he’s been here just hours ago and going back to his prison brings up bad memories. It’s harder for Cas to keep him in check and they all sigh with relieve when they reach Hannah’s cell.

Lucky for them, none of the guards think of keeping a close eye on the door. And why would they? Nobody should be able to get this close without raising a thousand alarms first. Dean fumbles a little with the lock but soon it gives in with a satisfying click. Cas is the first one through the door but two steps in, he stops. Dean and Sam follow him and in front of them stands a woman with dark hair and blue eyes. The one they saw in Cas’ thoughts.

“Cas?” Her voice is thin and full of disbelief, and the one word raises such a storm of emotion in Cas that the brothers can barely stand it.

“Hannah.”

With a scream, Hannah runs over to Cas and throws her arms around him. “It’s you; it’s really you!”

He holds her, his face a mask of sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Hannah. We didn’t know. I thought I lost you.”

“But you’re here. The Saytens told me you wouldn’t come. They wanted me to fight with them, and that none of you would care about me, but I kept waiting. And now you’re here.” She smiles at him, but a second later, her face turns white as a sheet. “Oh no. He knows.”

“Who knows?”

“Alastair.”

The name doesn’t only stir a wave of disgust from Cas, but Dean’s insides explode with anger and hatred. Sam is the only one who manages to keep his wits about him. “What does he know? That we’re here?”

Hannah nods. “I don’t know how they did it, but they gave me something and made me walk with him. I didn’t want the connection, but I had no choice. My memories are the only things I could protect, but I can’t hide my feelings from him.”

Before either of them can even think about a way out, they can hear shouts and footsteps coming from above. Hannah grabs Cas’ hand and starts running, Dean and Sam on their heels. She heads straight along the tunnel before taking a sharp turn but stops and screams when they find themselves at a dead end. “No! Here was a door, I know it.”

Sam runs his hand along the wall and nods. “Yes, it was. I remember it. They must have bricked it up. But there’s another way.”

He starts running, and they follow along with him through another corridor. Soon they find themselves in a big room full of medical supplies and Sam points to the door at the end. “There, behind the door is-”

The others never find out what he’s about to say. Something crawls up Dean’s spine like the cold hand of death, and without thinking, he grabs his brother and throws him to the ground. Spurred on by their connection, Cas does the same with Hannah. Not a second too early.

The room has glass windows to all sides and seconds later they burst and rain down on them when bullets start flying. The Saytens keep firing like they’re trying to lay waste to an army and Sam and Dean crawl over to Cas and Hannah, as near to the ground as possible. When they reach them, Cas grabs Sam’s arm, a picture flashing in their minds. It’s hard to see through all the fear, worry, and adrenaline that’s rushing through them, but Sam understands. He has to do something.

From one moment to the other, the sounds of the shots fade away. The glass windows are replaced with shimmering walls, swirling like mists, but still, no bullet comes through. Hannah looks at them and says what Dean and Cas are thinking. “What is that?”

Sam shrugs his shoulders. “I have no idea. I just wanted something so they wouldn’t be able to hurt us.”

“You are doing this?” Hannah stares at Sam now, and her eyes grow big. “You are the dream weaver.”

“Yeah, he is.” Dean claps Sam’s shoulder with a proud smile, but Sam flinches under his hand.

“I don’t know how long I can keep this up. That woman at the parking lot, then the little charade to get in here and now this. I think I’m reaching my limit pretty soon.”

“Well, then get us out of here.” Dean sounds convinced that Sam can do so, but then he can feel his brother’s exhaustions. “Or we come up with another plan.”

“I might be able to do it.” Hannah’s voice is still thin and doesn’t sound convinced at all, and neither of them reacts. Sam focuses on their protection, and Dean gets distracted by Cas’ racing thoughts. He tries to come up with a plan but even with Sam and two dream walker there doesn’t seem to be a way out.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be able to catch you all and even two dream walker can’t just walk out of here. The Saytens will do whatever they can do either keep us here or kill us.”

Dean watches Sam’s evoked windows and the Saytens behind them. “As soon as Sam lets his guard down, they’ll be onto us. And we have to guns among us. That’s suicide.”

“Listen to me!” This time Hannah’s voice isn’t thin at all but startles both Cas and Dean, and for a second the mist around them grows weaker until Sam is in control again. “There’s a reason they held me captive. Sayten is trying to build an army, and not with just anybody. That’s why they took Sam. A dream weaver would have been an excellent addition, and I’m what they call a dream jumper.”

Cas and Dean exchange a look, and from his eyes, Dean can tell that this time, even Cas doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “What’s that supposed to be?”

Hannah sighs. “I’ve never heard of it myself, but it seems that dream walkers can specify their skills. If I have a connection to somebody, I can jump to them. I can even take other people with me. That’s why they cut my connection to Cas as soon as they got me and they’ve been guarding me all the time. I’ve tried to jump but Alastair would know when I even thought about it and I didn’t have another connection strong enough even to try.”

“You don’t have one now either.” Cas’ voice is quiet and emotionless, cutting deep into all their hopes.

“I know, I just thought-”

Hannah doesn’t finish the sentence and lowers her head in defeat, but Dean can hear Cas’ voice in his mind, a distant memory from what seems an eternity ago. “You said, I’d have to make a connection whenever and wherever I am. That it might save my life.”

“And?”

“I’ve been walking with Gabriel, Charlie, Aaron, and you know how many more. Maybe I can connect to one of them.”

Cas’ mind goes back to work again, and he turns to Hannah. “If I catch both of you, would you be able to jump to somebody who’s connected to Dean?”

Hannah takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a moment but then she nods. “I’ve never tried, but I guess we don’t have much choice.”

“Good. Dean, make a connection-”

“Cas, I know.” Dean doesn’t have to hear the words to get Cas’ point. He doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to making and holding connections with people. There’s no shooting range here and he won’t be able to fall into Gabe’s arms. “I think I can do it. I feel like I remember them and they’re all together now. We have to try.”

Cas nods but Dean knows he’s not convinced. After all, they have another problem. “I can’t let go of Sam, or he might not be able to hold up our shield. And walking with the two of you…”

Hannah steps up to him and pads his arms. “You can do it; you’re the best catcher I know.”

“I couldn’t catch you. I won’t forgive myself for that.” Cas’ expression is pure pain, and when Hannah looks at him, Dean can almost see the slight change in the world, followed by another presence in his mind. They made their connection so easily; Dean could be jealous. Instead, he marvels over the feelings seeping into all of them. There’s so much love and adoration coming from Hannah, and above all, trust.

She carefully takes Cas’ face in her hands and smiles. “You didn’t let me fall, and you didn’t lose me. They took me away. And if you need me to then I forgive you. I’m just glad you’re here, and I know you can do this, Castiel.”

Her tone becomes lighter when she says his name and a little laugh breaks out of Cas when the heavy burden he’s been carrying around for two years disappears from his soul. Dean does his best to nurture the feeling, showing him that they all trust in him.

“Guys, not to be a drag, but could you?” Sam’s voice cracks and Hannah grabs Dean and Cas by the hands and moves them over to Sam.

“I don’t know if I need to touch you guys to take you with me, but it can’t hurt.” They put their hands on each other so Hannah can reach all of them. “I’m ready.”

Cas nods at Dean just a second later. “I’ve got you; now it’s up to you.”

“Sure, child’s play, right?” Dean closes his eyes, not sure what he’s even doing but he tries to reach deep inside of his mind, bringing back the memories of his early walks. He’s sees Gabriel, sprawled onto that pillow, winking at him. There’s Charlie, promising him not to tell anybody about Rhonda Hurley; and Aaron, trying over and over to make their connection work.

Dean thinks about all the others as well, even when he can’t remember their names, and although he hasn’t walked with them, he thinks about Chuck and Bobby, getting him out of the police station or Ellen and Jo who endlessly reassured him that everything is going to be okay. Kevin wonders into Dean’s mind, excited that Dean became such an avid reader and Anna who would have tried to walk again, just for him.

In his mind, he finds himself next to Ash in the tech room or with Garth in the Closet who tries his best to excite him for a less boring wardrobe. He thinks about Lisa who always had a kind word for him, even after she found out that Dean preferred Cas over her, and Billie who made a marksman out of him before he was even able to walk.

In the end, he even pictures his parents, imagining them in the bunker. He can’t know this, but he sees himself in the kitchen with his mom. He hears her laughter when she finds her son on the kitchen counter covered in flour and determined to help her with baking a pie. And later, he’ll sit in his father's lap while John writes his journal. Those are memories he can’t have, but they are real to him now.

Just as real as all the people in his mind right now. His family.

“I can feel them. It works.” Hannah’s voice is only a whisper, but it chills all of them to the bone. There’s tension in the air and a sizzling heat. It’s rising, slowly making it to the boiling point. All of their minds and emotions are strained as far as they can go.

Sam is the first to give in. “I’m sorry.”

He slumps against Dean, barely holding himself upright, and the mist around them dissolves. The voices of the Saytens reach them again, and one figure is stepping through the door. Alastair.

Like always in the last few weeks, Dean’s eyes search for Cas, and they share something neither Hannah, nor Sam can feel. They’ve both imagined that moment, and Dean always felt the same things. Hate, fear, disgust, anger. Not anymore. He’s filled with the love for his family and Cas.

All his life he felt lost, alone and uncertain. Not now. He smiles when his hand reaches for the gun, and he doesn’t even have to aim when he lifts it. Everything moves slower now, like the first time he walked. Alastair has no chance, not against such a profound bond.

Dean can feel Sam’s warmth next to him. Cas’ eyes are watching him, promising a future Dean thought he’d never have. Hannah’s hands grow warm around theirs, and something is pulling at Dean like a hook on his navel. His family is waiting, there’s just one thing he has to do.

He doesn’t hear the shot, maybe nobody does. The last thing Dean sees is the bullet hitting Alastair right between the eyes. They are gone before his body hits the ground.

“What the hell?” Gabriel is not the only one starring at the ground. The whole crew has positioned themselves in a circle to ward off Sayten’s men from all sides. They’ve been fighting with all they got, all the while waiting for word from Cas.

They heard nothing but instead, they’re looking down at Dean, Cas and, as far as they know, Sam. They appeared out of thin air right between all of them and with them, a girl. Anna screams and falls down on her knees next to her. “Hannah!”

Nobody moves, all of them staring at their unconscious friends until another shout breaks the silence. “Keep firing, you idjits!”

Everybody comes out of their stupor, and Ellen reloads her gun. “You heard Bobby. Come on, guys! Let’s bring them home.”


	30. After The Storm

_They say I’m caught up in a dream_  
_Life will pass me by if I don’t open my eyes_  
_Well that’s fine by me_

* * *

 

 

Sam opens his eyes and looks into Charlie’s hopeful face. For the first time, he gives her a smile. “I think I’m getting closer. She misses you a lot, and she wants to come back. I think I’ll just need a little more time, so she trusts me.”

“Yeah, she’s a little stubborn.” Charlie wipes away a tear and Jo hugs her.

“Hey, no tears. Your mother will come back to you; you’ll see.”

Charlie nods, smiling now. “Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem. I wish I could do more, but without a connection like I had with Dean and Cas, it’s a lot harder to do than I thought.”

Jo boxes his arm. “Hey, don’t worry about that. This is way more than we’ve ever dreamed off. You’re doing fine.”

Sam nods. “We’ll give it another go tomorrow. But now I have to ask a favor from Cas before the big party starts.” He makes his way out of the graveyard, Jo’s voice following him.

“Make sure you knock! They don’t care if it’s night or day.”

Sam does his best not to think about what she’s implying but can’t help but smile. It’s been a week since their great break out, and he still hasn’t seen much of his brother. They eat together and take Baby for a spin but somehow Dean always ends up in Cas’ room again, and Sam quickly learned that it’s best to wait for the two lovebirds to come out of there on their own.

This time, he still dares to interrupt. It’s not that he’s not happy for his brother. If anything, he envies him, and that’s why he has to talk to Cas. When he reaches their room, he knocks, and Cas’ voice comes muffled through the door. “It’s safe.”

Sam carefully opens the door and finds Dean on the bed with both Kitten and Cas sitting next to them. His brother crawls the cat's ears and smiles at him. “What’s up, Sammy?”

“I wanted to talk to Cas.”

Cas turns around, and his relaxed demeanor fades away, and he’s standing in front of the man who’s ready to fight. “Why?”

“Well, I’ve talked to a few people, and it seems to be common knowledge that you’re somewhat of a problem solver.”

“The best!” Dean gives him a thumbs up and smiles. Since they’ve been back, Charlie has been catching Sam, so he doesn’t have a connection to Cas and his brother anymore, but he doesn’t need one to feel Dean’s pride.

“What’s the problem?” Cas doesn’t take the praise but keeps focused on Sam.

“Before all of this happened, I’ve been seeing this girl, Eileen, and I like her. But I’ve been missing, and the police have been looking for my brother, and you know… I can’t just show up and be like, guess what? I’m back. Is there anything you can think of that I could tell her? I just need a good reason.”

Cas opens his mouth to answer when Sam stops him. “Oh, and, maybe keep it easy. She’s deaf, and my signs are not that good yet. I mean, I’ve been practicing, and she does a little bit of lip reading but- Let’s just say it’s not easy.”

“Her name is Eileen? And she’s deaf?” Cas shares a look with Dean and Sam feels anger rising in him because of Cas’ tone of voice.

“Yeah, so?”

Cas gets up from the bed and walks over to his computer without a word, starting to type. Sam looks from him to Dean and back. “Does that mean you help me?”

“Small world.” Dean huffs a little laugh and gets up from the bed, doing his best not to disturb Kitten. Before Sam can ask what he means by that, Cas grabs him by the shoulders and shoves him into his chair in front of the computer.

A phone symbol is blinking on the screen, and Sam turns around to Cas. “Who are you calling?”

Cas just nods at the screen, and when Sam turns around, she’s there. Eileen. She raises her eyebrows and signs his name. “Sam?”

Sam doesn’t know what to say so he just shrugs his shoulders, and Cas appears behind him, signing a few words. Even Dean bends down to be in the picture and waves. Eileen rolls her eyes, but then she points in Dean’s direction and signs something that Sam translates as ‘we are good’.

Dean sighs. “Still not using her words.”

Cas grabs him by the shoulder and shoves him to the door. “Give them some room.”

“Hey!” Dean looks over Cas’ shoulder to Sam. “Don’t forget the party, loverboy!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.” He waves them away and turns back to the screen, and Cas drags Dean into the corridor. They manage about five steps before Dean stops. He pushes Cas against the wall and sighs.

“You could have just told him. Now we don’t have a room.”

“A room for what?” Dean smiles, thoughts rushing through his head and Cas bites his lips, thinking. “That is an interesting proposal.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, but without a room…”

Cas tilts his head, the hint of a smile forming on his lips. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oh, I like the way you think.”

Dean gives Cas a kiss, like a promise for more to follow, and they head to the garage where plan B is waiting for them.


	31. New Beginnings

_Wise men have interpreted dreams,_  
_And the gods have laughed._  
_\- H. P. Lovecraft_

* * *

 

 

Chuck can hear the laughter of the others before he even enters the Nest. Still, he doesn't join them but tries to stay unseen while he hurries into the tech room. Only Ash is there, and Chuck closes the door. "What is it?"

He holds up a little plastic circle Ash gave him for emergencies. He's been carrying it around ever since, but it never went off. Now it's flashing red and won't stop buzzing. Ash takes it from him and turns it off by pressing the red center. For a moment, Chuck dares to hope that it was a false alarm, but then he finally looks at Ash.

He has seen their tech specialist in various moods, from piss drunk over angry to happy and gleeful. Now he's afraid. Not only worried but we-are-in-big-trouble-afraid. "It's the freaking apocalypse, man. He found us, I don't know how, but he found us."

Although Chuck already knows the answer, he allows himself to doubt the fact just a few seconds longer. "Who did?"

"Luke, the fucking devil, Sayten. He found the bunker, and he's on his way here now. I checked and double checked. His men are already on the move."

Chuck nods slowly, but can find words. What do you even say to something like this? He always had hope in his people, and up until now they always found a way to deal with their problems. But this? It's the one thing that kept him up at night. The one thing that's worse than his migraines could ever be. The room starts to shake around him, every light is too bright, piercing his eyes. He can't breathe.

"Chuck, what do we do? Do you want me to evacuate?"

There's more laughter coming from outside. It's probably Gabriel making jokes again, or Castiel telling an awkward story that seems perfectly normal to him, but is hilarious for everybody else. It might be Garth acting as a Federal Marshall or Jo and Anna impersonating the two cops who almost found the bunker once. It could be Charlie, telling about her last larping experience and trying to recruit people again. Maybe it's Sam. It's possible he's just as funny as his brother.

Chuck prays that he will find out.

"Chuck?"

The thought of all of them together opens up Chuck's lungs, and he's breathing in sweet air. "We might need to evacuate, but it's not my decision. It's up to all of us. We decide together." Ash nods and stands up, but Chuck grabs his arm and holds him in place. "Wait, give them- Just give them one more moment, please. They deserve one moment of peace."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Any kudos or comments mean the world to me. If you feel like saying hi, visit me on [tumblr](http://sternchencas.tumblr.com).
> 
> And if you haven't done so already, check out Sonia's wonderful art [here](http://whatdoesntfit.tumblr.com/post/153602286464/dcbb-2016-reality-of-dreams-author-kumofu) and say something nice!


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